Product Description

"Walter de Milly has written a sensitive and compelling account of father-son incest. In spite of the suffering portrayed, the account also gives testimony to the strength of family bonds, and to the courage and resilience of the human spirit."-Fred S. Berlin, M.D., Director of the National Institute for the Study, Prevention and Treatment of Sexual Trauma

"This is the most detailed and utterly plausible account I've ever read of what it feels like to be an abused child, and it is told with cinematic presence and verisimilitude. The anger, the love, the evasiveness and jealousy and confusion, the need to dissociate oneself from one's own actions and reactions-all are presented in a harrowing narrative, which is as tragic as a Greek drama and as engrossing as a Victorian novel. The unexpected element in this book-which falls on it like manna-is its nourishing, exquisite lyricism."-Edmund White

The TV-perfect family of Walter de Milly III was like many others in the American South of the 1950s-seemingly close-knit, solidly respectable, and active in the community.

Tragically, Walter's deeply troubled father would launch his family on a perilous journey into darkness. To the outside world, this man is a prominent businessman, a dignified Presbyterian, and a faithful husband; to Walter, he is an overwhelming, handsome monster. Whenever the two are together, young Walter becomes a sexual plaything for his father; father and son outings are turned into soul-obliterating nightmares.

Walter eventually becomes a successful businessman only to be stricken by another catastrophe: his father, at the age of seventy, is caught molesting a young boy. Walter is asked to confront his father. Walter convenes his family, and in a private conference with a psychiatrist, the father agrees to be surgically castrated.

De Milly's portraits of his relationships with his father and mother, and the confrontation that leads to his father's bizarre and irreversible voluntary "cure," are certain to be remembered long after the reader has set aside this powerful contribution to the literature of incest survival.

De Milly's memoir tells the story of his sexual abuse as a child by his father, and of his father's eventual castration. Yet the book never becomes a simple case of shock value. Telling a complete story, de Milly offers a universal perspective that explores the effect of incest on an entire family, the relationship of an abuser and his victim, the child's experience of abuse, and the victim's treatment options and path to recovery, as an adult. The result is both a chilling memoir that adds an important voice to our Living Out series and an essential contribution to sexual abuse literature-one that will offer invaluable aid to therapists and victims.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #137784 in Books
• Published on: 1999-10
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Hardcover
• 144 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9780299165109
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
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From Publishers Weekly
From the time he was an infant until he turned 10, Tallahassee, Fla., native DeMilly was repeatedly molested by his father, he discloses in this frank account. The elder DeMilly also molested neighborhood children and exposed himself to his daughter, according to the author. After a period of blocking out the experiences (during which he came to recognize his incipient homosexuality), a dream in college reawakened DeMilly's memories of abuse. However, a well-known psychologist dismissed them and counseled him to pursue heterosexual relationships. Years later, when the father of a neighborhood victim threatened to press charges unless DeMilly's father submitted to psychiatric treatment, DeMilly's family came to believe his account. With the guidance of a psychiatrist, the entire family, including the father, chose surgical castration as the father's treatment, only learning later how unusual their choice was. DeMilly's spare prose lyrically evinces the horror of the incidents; he effectively captures the dissociation from himself that often occurs in abuse victims. However, he sacrifices chronological order for artistic effect, creating a somewhat repetitive and confusing narrative. In the least effective passages, he attempts to re-create his father's experience, capturing his own fervent desire to understand rather than illuminating the source of his father's actions. (Oct.)
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Kirkus Reviews
One man's horrific memoir of sexual abuse at the hands of his all-American father. The book opens in Tallahassee, Fla., just after the Cuban missile crisis. Nine-year-old Walter de Milly is awakened by his father, who leads him to their backyard bomb shelter, bolts the heavy lead door, and abuses him. Shortly thereafter, the child watches his father drive to his job at the bank, ``his white shirt crisp against his Presbyterian back.'' More than 30 years later, de Milly, who has actually gone into business with his dad, picks up the phone and hears an angry neighbor speak an ugly truth: ``Your father molested my son.'' At the neighbor's insistence, the family finally confronts their father's pedophilia and takes drastic action: Walter de Milly senior, the smiling, silver-haired pillar of the community undergoes surgical castration. This book recounts the author's attempts to grapple not only with the lingering effects of the abuse he suffered from infancy through adolescence, but also with his own homosexuality and the complex blend of hatred, pity, contempt, and love he feels for his aging and increasingly infirm father. As his loving, impossibly naive mother looks on, seeing nothing, the father emerges here as a monster out of Norman Rockwell, a man who molests his son while reading aloud from the Bible, and leaves him helpful notes that read ``Smile, and the world smiles with you!'' Throughout the book, de Milly periodically assumes the point of view of his younger self, and re-creates the full force of a child's hapless bewilderment during abuse. When the author finally dares to confront his father, the elder de Milly treats years of incest as a minor character flaw and says, simply, ``I hoped you'd forgotten about it.'' In an age where such tales have become so commonplace that they have lost some of their ability to shock, the raw power of de Milly's writing ensures that readers will long remember his disturbing story. (Author tour) -- Copyright ©1999, Kirkus Associates, LP. All rights reserved.

Customer Reviews

My brother's story grabs your soul.
I am "Caroline". I have just finished reading my brother's book. His sensitivity and pain grab your soul. At times I felt I was floating above, reading about someone else, not my brother, not my family. Walt's journey, as told in the book, has been a long and hard one. I am so proud of his courage, He is a gentle, sincere, witty, and intelligent man. Despite his abuse, all the little Walts (some of whom I knew) and Walt have never faltered in character. That is the miracle in all this. No one who reads this book will be untouched. I hope that those readers who have been abused will find this book part of their healing. For those who have not, I hope it will give a clearer understanding of what it feel like to be abused and the lasting effects of it. Knowledge is a powerful tool in any fight. It is my hope that this knowledge will bring help to those who need it, whether it is in the form of laws, therapy, or simple a helping freind.

An Enlightening Memoir
While novels reflect the human condition and provide the reader with vicarious experiences, biography brings life itself to the printed page. Autobiography and memoirs are especially intriguing, despite the fact that the author only reveals those aspects of his life that he chooses to share with others. Autobiography and memoirs most often provide a catharsis for the author. The writer relives his experiences by sharing them with his readers. The memoirist enhances the understanding of human psychology through sharing experiences with others, while he views himself simultaneously. deMilly's work, which would not have been published a few decades ago, deals candidly with the subjects of incest and pedophilia. It is no wonder that the author experiences multiple personality syndrome at the hands of a father whose pedophilia extends to his own son. In graphic detail, deMilly spells out the ordeal of a child who knows intrinsically that something terribly wrong is happening - yet he cannot tell it to anyone. With the onset of adolescence, deMilly's problems are compounded by his own emerging sexual preference - which he cannot fathom. Could it be that his homosexuality is attributable to the sexual abuse from his parent? Psychotherapy does not provide satisfactory answers or solutions. deMilly has written a brave memoir, a testament to the strength of the human spirit to survive successfully in society. His work is a positive addition to the expanding discipline of gay and lesbian studies.

In My Father's Arms
As a psychotherapist that specializes in treating men with a history of sexual abuse and having been an incest victim my self, I have read a great deal of the literature and books on the subject. This is one of the best at really conveying the pain and impact upon a developing mind and body. A fast but powerful read that anyone who really wants to understand or to see that he was not the only one. I will recommend it highly in all of my workshops on abuse and to my clients that are ready to face their pain. I am grateful that Walter shared his pain and most of all his healing. It will help many.