Product Description

An Inside Look at How Teens Feel and Deal with Life

More than seventy-five teens from across the country were interviewed on a range of topics and issues: parents, friends, sports, clothes, school violence and peer pressure. With the passion and frustration expressed by teens in their narratives, as well as in their artwork and poetry, this book is a unique combination of original teen contributions and effective stress- and anger-management techniques from a mental-health professional. Most important, it was designed expressly for teens.

Hot Stones and Funny Bones is divided in three sections. "Telling It Like It Is" highlights problems and issues that nearly every teen faces in the middle- and high-school years, expressed in their own voices. The second section, "The Best Way to Cope with Stress", offers a host of coping skills and relaxation techniques for teens to utilize, ranging from ways to boost self-esteem and effective anger-management skills, to meditation and creative expression. The third section, "Final Comments From Teens", reveals opinions, lessons learned and advice to parents and teenagers about the struggles and triumphs of teen years. In addition, every chapter includes "Thoughts, Reflections and Action Plans", where teens can process what they've learned, using the information to make healthy behavioral changes.

With all the stress and gamut of emotions in our hectic-and at times chaotic-world, this book will be a hit with teens trying to make sense of it all and stay sane at the same time.

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Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #98880 in Books
• Published on: 2002-10-21
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 300 pages

About the Author
Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D., is a health psychologist with an international reputation in the fields of stress-management, human spirituality and mind-body-spirit healing. He serves on the faculty of the University of Colorado-Boulder and is the author of Stand Like Mountain, Flow Like Water; Managing Stress; and The Art of Calm. Linda Bartlett, M.S., is an eighth-grade English teacher at Sunset Middle School in Longmont, Colorado. She has worked in the public school system for twenty-six years, and is the creator of Health Quest, a course designed to teach life skills, with the main objective of helping teens reach optimal health.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

From Part 1 - Telling It Like It Really Is

Acceptance Issues

The jocks, the cheerleaders, the IQs, the nerds and computer geeks, the skaters, the preppies, the outcasts, and let us not forget "the populars." No matter where you live, where you go to school, or with whom you hung out in grade school, in middle school and high school you are going to come face to face with the social class structure of the teen years. Let there be no doubt: This process can be brutal. Even if you're beautiful or handsome and your parents have lots of money, there are no guarantees. It's brutal! The good news is that by the time you're a senior in high school, there is a little less importance placed on this aspect.

At some level, no matter who you are, everyone's looking for acceptance and approval. In this case, it's acceptance to be liked by new friends and peers. Even among those who won't admit it, everyone would love to be considered popular. Appearance is about 80 percent of acceptance, but there are other factors in this complex equation. The most difficult factor and the wild card in the deck is the teen ego. Look out! Like an episode of Survivor, you could be voted off the island.
It would be impossible to like and be liked by everybody, but we can accept people for who they are without branding them as untouchables. The stress of being lonely is devastating.

Soma, 14, New York: "My whole life has been stressful because of all the verbal abuse that I get from other kids. You know, like being made fun of. I've had to deal with it my whole life. I'm a little overweight; that's probably why. That kind of stresses me out a lot. I try not to let it, but it always gets to me when people make comments to me or about me. Well, that's why I get made fun of the most. That, and because I do things my own way. I do what I like instead of what everyone else does. I wear the clothes I like. I listen to the music I like, and for some reason, that seems to bother some people. I don't know what their problem is, but they seem to have one with me. There are different groups in high school. They all mesh together somehow, I guess. The group I hang out with are not dorks, but they are people who are judged by their appearance, and so they have negative things said to them, like verbal abuse. It's kind of over now, but I used to get really, really depressed. I see a shrink and take Zoloft and Ritalin. I've been sad most of my life because I didn't have any friends, but I'm good now."

Thoughts and Reflections

Acceptance by one's peers is perhaps the biggest concern teens have these days
(even if they don't admit it). Acceptance includes issues ranging from the
style of your hair and clothes to the music you listen to and the friends you have.
Why do you think acceptance causes so much stress?

Between acne and hormones, everyone has days when they feel like the ugly duckling.
(Remember the rest of the story? Every duckling grows up to be a beautiful swan!)
List three times each week or three places you go where you feel accepted for who you are.

Kirby, 14, Colorado: "What stresses me out are mostly social issues in school because everybody pretty much stereotypes everybody else in high school. I don't think there is a single high school in the country where everybody gets along. There is a lot of social pressure on you to be what everybody else wants you to be. There are the cheerleaders, jocks and the smart kids. You just get a label put on you, and that's the end of it. I just pretty much try to make friends with different people, and I try not to be stereotypical and decide that I'm not going to talk to somebody because they are with that group or whatever. I've been trying to get away from that, and I've noticed that if you don't try to stereotype people, you won't get stereotyped as much. They won't look at you and decide you are with one particular group because you are hanging out with so many different people."

Thoughts and Reflections

What groups or cliques are at your school? What group do you associate with?
Are you the kind of person who travels or floats from group to group?
Do you judge or stereotype people who are not in your group?

 

Jon, 13, Colorado: "I get blamed for many things in school, just about anything wrong that happens. When there are problems with my friends, they always bring up my name. I think it's because I'm a skateboarder. The way teachers and principals act toward us is stressful. It just seems like they watch out for us all the time, as if we are going to do something bad at every moment."

Thoughts and Reflections

Acceptance from your peers is one matter; acceptance from your teachers
and principal is another. There is a very good chance that your principal
may not even know who you are, but your teachers sure do.
How is your level of acceptance by adults in your life?

Problems on the Home Front

For some teens, school isn't a prison. It's an escape from prison! Time at school offers a break from some serious issues at home. In some cases, the home, which is supposed to be a safe haven, feels anything but safe, or perhaps simply it's in a state of constant flux. Part of entering the teen years is becoming more aware of a dysfunctional home life. These issues are not typically discussed with friends in the halls, bathrooms or locker rooms, often because of embarrassment or simply being overwhelmed. It could be that you learn your parents are getting divorced, or perhaps you come from a single-parent home. It could be that one or both parents have a drinking problem or an extremely bad temper. Regardless of the problem, school becomes a refuge.

Peter, 15, California: "My dad and I don't have a really good relationship, so we always fight about many things, which is an everyday occurrence. We really don't talk anymore. We just kind of lost our whole relationship. So I have to watch what I do around my house. I'm the only child, which is also a stressor because my parents place so many expectations on me. They focus entirely on me. Sometimes that can be annoying. My mom says that my dad and I are exactly alike, and if you put two things together that are exactly alike, they kind of repel each other. So everything that I don't like about him, I'm becoming. It's troubling to think that when I become a dad, I'll probably be like him. He has a lot of anger problems, and he does a lot of things that I don't really approve of him doing, like drinking. That kind of makes us not associate with each other. It's tough to be in the same house and not talking. I'm rarely home anymore. I just hang out with my friends or go to work or something. I don't really see him."

 

Thoughts and Reflections

Problems on the home front typically involve parents. How strong is your relationship with your father?
Your mother? If it's not good, is it salvageable? Who in your family do you turn to when your relationship
with your mom or dad is tense?

Lance, 17, Kansas: "I came back to school as a junior after being away for a year in drug rehab. While I was away, I missed all that time in school. There are ways in Paradise Cove to make up the schoolwork. Instead, I read books. When my mom came to get me, I hugged her and started crying. My family flew all the way from Nebraska to Western Samoa in the South PacificÑthat's where Paradise Cove is, and believe me, it's no paradise. My mom said, 'Look who else I brought.' There was my sister, and that was a real treat for me. My sister and I were real close growing up. We just hugged and cried for a while. I hadn't seen them for more than a year, and that was a difficult adjustment. We had only corresponded through letters, and then a full year later, here they were, back in my life again. A lot can happen in a year's time. I learned my brother tried to commit suicide. My grandpa died while I was away in rehab. My grandpa was closer to me than my dad (my parents are divorced), and that broke me up. I cried for about two days over that, because I couldn't leave to get back to his funeral. I didn't even write to him while I was there, because I just wanted to come back and start fresh with him. Unfortunately, I was never given the opportunity."

Thoughts and Reflections

Chances are that you have not missed a year of your life on a South Pacific island
like Lance, but in the rush of everyday life, there may be stressors because you don't
have strong bonds with your family. Do you feel disconnected from anyone?

 

Anne, 13, California: "My parents got divorced when I was six. People often ask me, 'What do you do when you get home from school?' I just say that I do homework. They ask, 'Who do you live with?' and I say that I live with my dad all the time. He gets home at seven or eight at night. I don't switch off staying with my mom, like some kids do. I make dinner every night, and they think that is really weird. It's crazy to think about how much time I spend home alone. The thing that stresses me is that I had to learn to cook when I was six, and that's a real hardship for me. It's hard to live a normal life. It's weird to hang around with girls who have the best relationship with their moms. I don't have the best relationship with my mom, but my dad and I get along well. I think that as long as I have one good relationship, that works. My mom lives a few towns over, so I see her every once in a whi...

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Customer Reviews

Awesome......teens, teens, teens.
This is a totaly awesome book it has so many cool insights of so many different teens. This is a good book to read if you need advise or just to realize that your not alone in the world when it becomes different and unknown. I hope that all teenagers read this book, because everyone will get something out of it!

Honest and Intriguing
This book gives insight to the real teenager and thoughts they may not normally share in a verbal manner. It is honest and expressive in a way that kids can relate to. What a wonderful reading for both adults and kids.

Hot Stones and Funny Bones
Everyone should read this book as a way to understand our youth culture. Young people want to be heard (even when they shut us out); often, they are crying out for help. This book presents a starting point for talking to teens about how they see the world and, more important, how they feel about their place in the world.