Product Description

"Birthdays may be difficult for me."

"I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."

"When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me."

"I am afraid you will abandon me."

The voices of adopted children are poignant, questioning. And they tell a familiar story of loss, fear, and hope. This extraordinary book, written by a woman who was adopted herself, gives voice to children's unspoken concerns, and shows adoptive parents how to free their kids from feelings of fear, abandonment, and shame.

With warmth and candor, Sherrie Eldridge reveals the twenty complex emotional issues you must understand to nurture the child you love--that he must grieve his loss now if he is to receive love fully in the future--that she needs honest information about her birth family no matter how painful the details may be--and that although he may choose to search for his birth family, he will always rely on you to be his parents.

Filled with powerful insights from children, parents, and experts in the field, plus practical strategies and case histories that will ring true for every adoptive family, Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew is an invaluable guide to the complex emotions that take up residence within the heart of the adopted child--and within the adoptive home.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #5349 in Books
• Published on: 1999-10-12
• Released on: 1999-10-12
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 240 pages

From Library Journal
As both an adoptee and president of Jewel Among Jewels Adoption Network, Eldridge brings an original approach to the topic of adoption. In an attempt to inform adoptive parents of the unique issues adoptees face, she discusses adoptee anger, mourning, and shame and adoption acknowledgment while using case studies to illustrate how parents can better relate to their adopted child. This book is solidly written but not without its flaws; most importantly, it lacks information concerning child development, e.g., whether parents should use the same approach to questions with a three-year-old as with a 14-year-old. Still, this book will go well in any collection dealing with adoption, complementing David M. Brodzinsky's Being Adopted: The Lifelong Search for Self (Anchor, 1993) and Joyce Maguire Pavao's The Family of Adoption (Beacon, 1998).AMee-Len Hom, Hunter Coll. Lib., New York
Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Foster W. Cline, M.D., internationally acclaimed child and adult psychiatrist and co-author of PARENTING WITH LOVE AND LOGIC
As a psychiatrist who has worked with dozens of adoptive families, and as an adoptive father myself, I can appreciate the sensitivity, understanding, common sense, and helpful suggestions given in this book. Sherrie has thrown the light of appreciation and understanding on the unique issues that often lie buried in the corners of adoptees' lives.

Gregory C. Keck, Ph.D., founder/director of the Attachment and Bonding Center of Ohio and co-author of ADOPTING THE HURT CHILD
What a useful book! Sherrie Eldridge has illuminated many issues adoptees and adoptive families face. Many books have addressed problems in adoption, but Eldridge tackles the real villain: unresolved loss and grief issues and the trauma that precedes all adoptions. [This book] is a gift to everyone involved in adoption. Eldridge's personal disclosures add a level of warmth and genuineness and yet do not overshadow her message but rather focus and heighten it. I am adding this book to my list of highly recommended books.

Customer Reviews

See What the Kids Think
Before, during, or after you adopt read this book! It could prepare, protect, or propell your relationship with your adopted child. In my work as a speaker on family issues, I have adoptive parents ask for resources. This is one book I can highly recommend.

The Birth to Five Book: Confident Childrearing Right from the Start

Discouraging and biased
I will only finish reading this book is because it's required by my adoption agency. I am looking forward to reading other books about adoption; unfortunately this was the first. Initially I laughed at the blatant bias, but as I continued to read, Eldridge's warnings about primal loss and unresolved grief painted an overwhelmingly discouraging and depressing view on adoption, one which is not shared by my friends and family who have been adopted.
As mentioned in other reviews, to support the theory that a three-day-old adopted infant is a grieving infant, the author cites a seven-year-old's recollections of his adoption day. She states, "an adoptive mom...asked her seven-year-old son, who was adopted at three days of age, what his perceptions were of his adoption day. His response was startling; 'I didn't know who any of you were. I didn't even know your names. I was so afraid.'"
Some of Eldridge's suggestions for talking to your child seem likely to plant and foster feelings of helplessness and anger where none may have existed. Yes, you should talk openly with your child. Yes, an adopted child has unique needs and issues. But children are impressionable, and taking a positive view of adoption isn't equivalent to denial. Adoption is a beautiful way to build families, and everyone (adopted or not) has issues that need to be worked out. I would've like the author to spend more time discussing how to be a compassionate, unconditionally loving, nurturing parent.

Read with a Grain of Salt
I couldn't finish reading this book because I felt like I was being brain washed. Yes, I am adopted. Yes, I understand that some people have difficulties raising adopted children and dealing with all the issues that come with adoption; but this book was so negative/dramatized/and over thought that I had to stop reading.

This is my problem. I don't like people telling me or hypothesizing how I feel; that I suffer from abandoment issues, identity probelms and struggle with trusting or emotionally attaching myself to others. I don't like it that adoptees have these tags on them and are made to feel different.

I wanted to tell the author to shut up. I love my life. I love my parents. I wouldn't and couldn't have chose anything better.

So maybe you need this book, maybe you like this book but it is definitely not for everyone.