Product Description

Most people think of childless women as infertile married women. But women whose husbands do not want children, single women, lesbians, infertile women, & disabled women may also never be biological mothers. Here is a pioneering step-by-step program for healing & wholeness. Anton offers women without children an uplifting & practical plan for confronting grief, anger, & guilt; discovering alternative ways to mother ; & enjoying rich, fulfilling lives. Inspiring real-life stories explore grandmothering or aunting the children of others & describe the benefits of a self-help support group & how to form one.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #81995 in Books
• Published on: 1992-12-01
• Original language: English
• Binding: Hardcover
• 197 pages

From Publishers Weekly
Anton, a clinical social worker who herself never had a baby, addresses this comforting and deeply personal guide to women who are not childless by choice. Using her own experience and those of others in the same predicament, she describes the various paths to childlessness--infertility, not having wed, a difficult marriage--and the ways in which feelings of loss may manifest themselves. In one upbeat section, she outlines 10 "steps to resolution," from acknowledging the loss and letting go of blame to thinking of oneself as "childfree" instead of "childless." And for those who want to join forces with other childfree women, she explains how to start a self-help group. The book contains interesting case histories, but Anton's tendency to romanticize motherhood and her sometimes self-pitying tone leave the impression that she herself has never really come to terms with being childless. $30,000 ad/promo; author tour.
Copyright 1992 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Customer Reviews

The best book I've read on childlessness
A wonderfully-supportive, optimistic book--the best book I've read on how to deal with the emotional aspects of childlessness. I'm 40, a woman and don't have children mainly because of chronic illness; this book has helped me a lot. Written by a social-worker-therapist who is childless due to infertility, it is easy to read and gentle with readers. Anton writes that she was determined not to let childlessness ruin the rest of her life and later wrote the self-help book she had needed. She understands the emotional pain that can occur when a woman wants children but doesn't end up with a child for whatever reason.

My favorite things about this book are:
(1) Anton shares the stories of dozens of childless women who she interviewed or who completed her written questionnaire. Reading their stories, presented as composites, was fascinating and very supportive. Many of them had successfully resolved their grief and moved on to other things in life.
(2) She broadens the picture from women who have experienced infertility to include single women, those with medical or genetic problems, disabilities, problem pregnancies such as miscarriage or stillbirth, relationship issues such as husbands who don't want children, women who inadvertently waited too long to have children and lesbians. I appreciate this approach because many people are left out of infertility resources and it shows us that we aren't alone.
(3) She presents ten practical steps to work through the grief. Examples of the steps are Acknowledging and Experiencing the Loss, Understanding the Loss, Surviving the Loss, Letting Go of Blame, and Talking to Significant Others. I found some of her suggested exercises helpful and skipped others.

It was well worth my trouble to buy and read this excellent, helpful resource. In fact, I wish I had read it several years ago. Reading this book before exhausting all options or making final decisions about whether to adopt or to stop infertility treatments could be helpful. I would also recommend this book for family and close friends who want to understand what a loved one is going through. Index and bibliography included.

Another excellent self-help book that can be applied to childlessness from any cause is "Sweet Grapes: How to Stop Being Infertile and Start Living Again" by Jean W. Carter and Michael Carter (revised 1998 edition); that book is written for both men and women.

What does Anton mean by "childless" and "childfree"? She uses childless as a neutral word to describe all women who once wanted children but are permanently non-mothers. Hence, "childless women" excludes those who did not want children and those who eventually adopt but includes those who now happily appreciate the advantages of childfree living. Childfree describes all non-parents; it does not imply that children are disliked or not wanted. (This differs from how Jean W. Carter and Michael Carter use childless and childfree in "Sweet Grapes.")

The best book for people who can't/don't have kids.
I found this book at a library after purchasing several "infertility" books and books dealing with childlessness. This one has helped me so much more than any others in coming to terms with the finality of it all. I'm having Amazon.com hunt down a copy of my own.

Still reading
I am currently still reading this book. For me, this is not an easy read and it is not a book you will read all the way through quickly. It is very emotional and I can sometimes only read one page at a time. However, it has givin me insight on my grief and loss, and I have began the healing process. I highly recommend it. But be sure to have some alone time, a box of tissues, and time to cry.