Product Description

"An important voice in the spirited public debate over what 'the best interests of the child' are in the . . . untidy world of adoption."—Joseph P. Kahn, Boston Globe

Joyce Maguire Pavao understands the many perspectives that come into the complicated process of adoption, and she works to make the process comfortable for all participants. As a pioneering and nationally recognized family and adoption therapist, Pavao argues eloquently in The Family of Adoption that there are predictable and understandable developmental stages and challenges for every adoptee. Pavao feels that adoptive parents, as well as teachers, therapists, and all those who work with children, must come to understand these developmental stages as normal—often challenging, but normal.

Full of wonderful stories that give insight into a wide variety of adoption issues, and now updated with a consideration of recent developments, The Family of Adoption is a powerful argument for the right kind of openness; it is truly the most insightful and healing book on the adoption shelf.

"We've long needed a book like Pavao's, which looks at adoption as an idea and a process . . . I recommend it to all readers who are affected by adoption, and isn't that all of us?"
—Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia

"A commitment to placing the best interests of the child first informs every page of this excellent study of the complex psychological and social dynamics of adoptive families."
—Publishers Weekly

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #261280 in Books
• Published on: 2005-02-20
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 144 pages

Amazon.com Review
Joyce Maguire Pavao dedicates her book The Family of Adoption in part to her two mothers, who died two weeks apart. "They both died of secrecy," she writes. "One could no longer talk, silenced by her disease. One could no longer think or remember.... I love and cherish what each of my mothers endured and imparted.... I refuse to have secrets and I work to change a system that perpetrates them."

Pavao is a nationally known family and adoption therapist who works with adoptive children and their families. Her authority and insight come from her combined experience both as a professional therapist and as an adopted child. In The Family of Adoption, Pavao describes the grief processes, dilemmas, and potentials for healing of birth mothers and adoptive parents. A strong advocate for adopted children, she discusses the difference between secrecy and privacy--a crucial distinction in adoption--and lends a strong voice to the movement for openness. Pavao is the first specialist to clearly identify and demonstrate predictable, understandable developmental stages and challenges for every adoptee (pointing out, for example, that adopted children tend to daydream, and may have a more challenging adolescence), and elucidates patterns that adoptive parents may witness as their children grow.

As adoption becomes more discussed and less taboo, the emotional road maps become clearer for adoptive families, birth mothers, and children of adoption. The Family of Adoption is a gentle, essential addition to the literature that will help guide families of adoption along the path. --Ericka Lutz

From Publishers Weekly
A commitment to placing the best interests of the child first informs every page of this excellent study of the complex psychological and social dynamics of adoptive families. Pavao, an adoption therapist and the executive director of the Center for Family Connections in Cambridge, Mass., was herself adopted as an infant. She believes strongly in the necessity of pre- and post-adoptive counseling for both birth and adoptive parents, although she acknowledges that there is a serious lack of trained professionals for this purpose. According to the author, such counseling is essential if adoptive parents are to understand and be able to work with their child through the developmental stages common to adoptees, such as feelings of loss, school problems and a desire to learn about their past. Pavao's analysis is comprehensive, and she considers all types of adoption, including transracial, special needs, international and foster care. Drawing on adoption stories culled from her practice, she shows how the adopted child, birth parents, adoptive parents, as well as other family members benefit from such contact and openness. She is convinced that those who are adopted have a right to learn as much as possible about their past and suggests, for example, that international adoptees be allowed to visit their country of origin to better understand their roots. Adoption, Pavao writes, "is not about finding children for families, but about finding families for children."
Copyright 1998 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review

"We've long needed a book like Pavao's, which looks at adoption as an idea and a process . . . I recommend it to all readers who are affected by adoption, and isn't that all of us?"
-Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia and The Shelter of Each Other

"A commitment to placing the best interests of the child first informs every page of this excellent study of the complex psychological and social dynamics of adoptive families."
-Publishers Weekly

"[An] insightful, informative, and at times very moving look at adoption from all sides . . . What makes this book so helpful for anyone involved in the adoption process is the author's obvious respect for all parties, including parents, extended families, and even teachers, judges, and social workers. Instead of putting people off, [Pavao] encourages them to find new ways to empathize and cooperate, keeping the child's best interest at the forefront."
-Diane Daniel, Boston Globe

"This very candid, honest book takes a look at infertility and the ambiguity of adoption that is often merely alluded to in other adoption publications . . . This book is a gift to anyone involved in adoption. Get it and read it more than once."
-Chosen Family Magazine

Customer Reviews

The best book on adoption ever written
Joyce Magure Pavao does what so few writers on adoption do: instead of taking sides with one member of the adoption triad or another, she treats all of them with warmth and compassion. Yes, this book is a wealth of concrete information about the adoption process, and about adoption as a lifelong form of identity and family structure. But most importantly, it is a book that reaches into the hearts of birthparents and adoptive parents, and helps them cultivate compassion and understanding for one another.

This book transformed my relationship to my son's birthparents. My son was adopted from foster care, and I spent a long time being angry and afraid of his birthparents. With Joyce Maguire Pavao's help, I managed to reach out to them, and found out that they were every bit as terrified and bewildered as I was. Now we have overcome our fears and we can work together to create an environment for our son that is focused on his needs instead of ours. We can give him the truth about his beginnings, and the knowledge that we all love him tremendously. Pavao has helped us change a situation that could have made our son completely neurotic into one that is helping him grow up healthy and strong.

The book is only ten bucks. And it's the best ten bucks you will ever invest in your kids or in yourself. Buy it.

GREAT BOOK
I HAVEN'T READ THE BOOK YET BUT HAVE SKIMMED OVER IT. INFORMATION LOOKS TO BE WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR. SATISFIED WITH PRICE AND PURCHASE.

Good insight...
My husband and I are in the process of adopting a teenage boy. I purchased 4 books to prepare myself for possible situations that may arise. This was by far the best one of those I have read. The book was very easy reading and quite enjoyable. The book describes actual events from different case studies and had alot of helpful info. I found most of the other books boring and hard to get through. This was straight to the point and offered real life solutions and explainations for certain behaviors.