Product Description

This fiercely honest and funny book answers questions no one else dares to ask: What if I don't like the kid I get? Will my child ever feel like mine? If this is the happiest day of my life, why am I so sad? Will she want the baby back? Will I want to return him? The book garnered rave reviews from Betty Jean Lifton, Jamie Lee Curtis, Cathy Guisewite, Adoptive Families of America, San Francisco Chronicle, and hundreds of readers. New, revised edition now in paper.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #247931 in Books
• Published on: 1999-09
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 167 pages

From Publishers Weekly
About three years ago, the author and her husband, both Jewish, adopted a male baby at birth. Their child, whom they named Ari, was the birth son of two 18-year-olds, a Mexican-American mother and an African American father. In this candid memoir, Wolff relates her mixed feelings about bringing up a child from a different cultural background. Although she deeply loves her son, she is concerned that a biracial adoption may have made his future life harder. She also discusses her fears--groundless, it turns out--that Martie, the birth mother, would return to claim her child. Although the author's frankness is disarming and she has bravely made the decision to maintain contact with Martie and to allow her to visit Ari, she makes sometimes harsh or patronizing judgments about Martie's life choices. Wolff's commitment to her son comes across here as absolute, but she makes clear she harbors many ambivalent emotions about the adoption that will be of interest to other adoptive parents of biracial children.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review
"What a great book! You won't be able to put it down." Sharon Roszia calls this "An insightful, totally honest must-read." Betty Jean Lifton says: "Jana Wolff takes the myth and denial out of adoption and uncovers its real secrets." Jamie Lee Curtis says: "This is a wonderful book." Adoptive Families magazine calls it: "Truly a treasure...the book identifies with poignancy and humor the very real and complex emotions of adoption." -- Tapestry Books

Customer Reviews

Fantastic
I tore through her book and read many passages out loud to my husband who seemed to also appreciate her perspective. I took it for that - her perspective. An open and shockingly honest portrayal of her emotions and thoughts throughout her adoption experience. I've already loaned it to a friend. What I was most thankful for was that someone had the courage to say what many of us think at different times during the adoption process. Sure, not everything applied to my experience, but I didn't expect it to. Read this book if you need reassurance that those "secret" thoughts you are having are normal and okay.

She writes honestly
It's just nice to hear something from adoptive moms. It's like we are not allowed to have any feelings.."after all we got what we wanted..a child". The poor poor birth mom and what she is going through or has been through. There is alot of mixed emotions out their and it was awfully nice of this adoptive mom to put herself on the chopping block with her own story. I am an adoptive mom and I have to say it's hard to get support from agencies and some websites. The more unresolved issues we have the more that gets past down to the child (children). It's all about them or is it??? At least there is someone who wants to help the rest of us and recognize that there is more then just the "poor poor birthmom" involved here.

Interesting
I bought this book expecting to be offended and angry after reading it. As a birthmother myself, I had been warned that I would be reading some pretty harsh stuff. I was actually quite surprised that I was not offended at all. What I found upon reading this book is how similar birthmothers and adoptive mothers are. I have learned from some very intelligent birthmothers, who are also adoption counselors, to step back and look at how much infertility and unplanned pregnancy are so similar. We face the same issues, the same rude comments, the same ignorant opinions of everyone around us. If you are not involved in the triad, you just have no idea. My sons adoptive mother does not even know if she wants to read this book, but I am going to reccommend it. I enjoyed seeing things from an adoptive mothers perspective. But I also reminded myself that every story is different and everyones feelings are different. Not every adoptive parent is going to feel this way. There are so many people out there, like ourselves, who have honest and very loving open adoptions. I also think Jana has had to tackle the race issue on top of the adoptions stuff...which I think she seemed to have a bigger problem with. Overall, a good read for both birthmothers and adoptive parents. I would not reccommend to an adopted child. Regardless, this book needs to be read with an open mind and an open heart.