Product Description

A powerful and groundbreaking revelation of the secret history of the 1.5 million women who surrendered children for adoption in the several decades before Roe v. Wade

In this deeply moving work, Ann Fessler brings to light the lives of hundreds of thousands of young single American women forced to give up their newborn children in the years following World War II and before Roe v. Wade. The Girls Who Went Away tells a story not of wild and carefree sexual liberation, but rather of a devastating double standard that has had punishing long-term effects on these women and on the children they gave up for adoption. Based on Fessler's groundbreaking interviews, it brings to brilliant life these women's voices and the spirit of the time, allowing each to share her own experience in gripping and intimate detail. Today, when the future of the Roe decision and women's reproductive rights stand squarely at the front of a divisive national debate, Fessler brings to the fore a long-overlooked history of single women in the fifties, sixties, and early seventies.

In 2002, Fessler, an adoptee herself, traveled the country interviewing women willing to speak publicly about why they relinquished their children. Researching archival records and the political and social climate of the time, she uncovered a story of three decades of women who, under enormous social and family pressure, were coerced or outright forced to give their babies up for adoption. Fessler deftly describes the impossible position in which these women found themselves: as a sexual revolution heated up in the postwar years, birth control was tightly restricted, and abortion proved prohibitively expensive or life endangering. At the same time, a postwar economic boom brought millions of American families into the middle class, exerting its own pressures to conform to a model of family perfection. Caught in the middle, single pregnant women were shunned by family and friends, evicted from schools, sent away to maternity homes to have their children alone, and often treated with cold contempt by doctors, nurses, and clergy.

The majority of the women Fessler interviewed have never spoken of their experiences, and most have been haunted by grief and shame their entire adult lives. A searing and important look into a long-overlooked social history, The Girls Who Went Away is their story.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #332715 in Books
• Published on: 2006-05-04
• Format: Bargain Price
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Hardcover
• 368 pages

From Publishers Weekly
Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to keep the baby," says Joyce, in a story typical of the birth mothers, mostly white and middle-class, who vent here about being forced to give up their babies for adoption from the 1950s through the early '70s. They recall callous parents obsessed with what their neighbors would say; maternity homes run by unfeeling nuns who sowed the seeds of lifelong guilt and shame; and social workers who treated unwed mothers like incubators for married couples. More than one birth mother was emotionally paralyzed until she finally met the child she'd relinquished years earlier. In these pages, which are sure to provoke controversy among adoptive parents, birth mothers repeatedly insist that their babies were unwanted by society, not by them. Fessler, a photography professor at the Rhode Island School of Design, is an adoptee whose birth mother confessed that she had given her away even though her fiancé, who wasn't Fessler's father, was willing to raise her. Although at times rambling and self-pitying, these knowing oral histories are an emotional boon for birth mothers and adoptees struggling to make sense of troubled pasts. (May 8)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Bookmarks Magazine
Perhaps it's no surprise that this story has gone untold for so long, considering the personal nature of the subject and the moral dilemma heaped upon the young women who gave their babies up for adoption. What is astonishing is that Fessler, a photographer and video installation artist writing her debut book, manages to tell this compelling story with a perfectly honed sense of restraint and respect. She handles the large volume of source material nimbly, letting each individual story breathe. The only complaint is that her research method—using a self-selected group—isn't up to snuff for academic rigor. In the face of such glowing critical praise, that lone complaint seems, well, a little academic.

Copyright © 2004 Phillips & Nelson Media, Inc.

From Booklist
*Starred Review* Between 1945 and 1973, when unwed motherhood was considered shameful and abortion was generally illegal, 1.5 million babies were relinquished for adoption. Fessler, who was herself adopted, offers an incredible and deeply moving look at the personal cost suffered by the women who gave up their babies, voluntarily and involuntarily. More than 100 women spoke to Fessler about the shame of unwed pregnancy compounded with the guilt over giving away the child as well as the life of secrecy and lies thereafter. Many of the young women were temporarily banished from their communities, sent away to maternity schools to deliver their babies, and then returned to what was supposed to be "normal" life. But for many, the experience changed forever their relationships with their parents, the fathers of their babies, and subsequent husbands and children. Years later, many of the women struggled with the question of reuniting with their children as laws on adoption and social mores changed. Fessler recounts her own journey to find and reunite with her birth mother in this heartrending look at the untold story of American women compelled to surrender their children. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Customer Reviews

Useless for most adoptees, but still interesting
Even-handed it's not!

Another reviewer says, "Every woman described did consent to the placement of her baby for adoption. Whether she felt like it or not, she did consent. Until a birthmother comes to acknowledge that decision and the decisions that she made that led up to it, healing simply cannot begin." I could not agree more. Yes, it's scary to admit that a decision you made as a scared unwed mom affected so many lives, and left an emotional legacy for your child that lasts a lifetime, but that's the reality. Even in the best of cases, adoption involves loss, pain, and emotional difficulties for the most defenseless and innocent of the parties involved: the baby. (Note to birth moms: if you read books like Your Amazing Newborn by Marshall & Phyllis Klaus and How Babies Talk: The Magic and Mystery of Language in the First Three Years of Life by Roberta Golinkoff & Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, the emotional awareness of newborns and the level of fetuses' connection with their moms well before birth will totally blow your mind; so much for the ole "blank slate"!)

This book, given to me, an adoptee, via mail by my newly found birth mother, made me sad, angry, and downright irritated at all the victim mentality refrains repeated throughout this long read. Yes, I know some of these moms were teens when they gave birth, but guess what? They were still adult enough to get pregnant, and I don't think age alone or cultural pressures alone can justify their choice, yes choice, to place their child for adoption.

I am not saying that giving up a child for adoption is inherently wrong or "bad," nor am I saying that society at large and the adoption agencies who pressured single pregnant women don't have a burden of guilt to bear. However, I cannot just let all birth moms off the repsonsibility hook. It would have been so refreshing to hear more of these birth moms say, "I thought about my future chances at higher education, a husband, a nice, traditional family, and on balance I decided it was worth the pain of giving up my baby in order to have that future I dreamed of." Or, "I felt ready to experiment sexually and was really enjoying my newfound sexuality when I got pregnant." But I never heard those words, or any such words where anyone takes any responsibility for their actions or choices. Just: victim, victim, victim!

Not surprisingly, reading this many pages from just ONE point of view gets tiresome (especially when you are reading it through the eyes of the unwanted and inconvenient unborn baby). This book would be *greatly* improved by including the narratives of others involved in the adoption dynamic: birth fathers, birth mothers' parents and siblings, adoption agency workers, pregnant single moms who kept and raised the end results of their unintended pregnancies (I am sure there were a few who bucked the system but you'd never know it from this work); and last but not least, the nameless, faceless adopted babies who get virtually no voice at all in this book.

By the end of this book, you feel like you've been reading about a Taliban-controlled moral wasteland where women are veiled and cloistered, not the US forty years ago. I appreciated this glimpse into the inner secret world of a pregnant teen of the 60s and the struggles they faced, but the lack of balance and the sense of these women's desperate embrace of Victim Status continually grated and prevented sincere reading enjoyment.

The book gets one star for being emotionally compelling and highly readable, and one star for telling a story that needed to be told. In both these respects, it is worth a look.

Too bad the contributors could not see beyond their own pain enough to create a work that would tell the stories of all involved, even if this would mean giving up a fantasy in which they always get to play Powerless Little Girl instead of Woman Who Made a Choice. In many ways, this book feels incomplete, and the women who share their stories in its pages seem like adults trapped forever in a teen's worldview, obsessed with their poor wounded inner child.

PS- This book actually made me wonder if there isn't a typical personality profile for the 60s woman who chose to place her baby for adoption-- obsessed with her own sense of powerlessness; emotionally immature; selfish and narcissistic but unwilling to admit any remotely self-centered thinking or actions. Hmmmm.... could be?!?! If I've offended any birth moms, please read the book and judge for yourself before you comment on my comments. I am confident that after reading the entire work you will see where I'm coming from even if you don't agree with the points I've raised.

My grandmothers story
My grandmother is Joyce II in this book. She kept this secret from us until he called her out of the blue one day. She always kept in contact with the parents leaving her information with them, but always leaving it up to him to make the first move. When he called her she said, "I thought you would hate me for what I did." He replied, "No I love you for it." Then they reunited. He is a wonderful man. He sent her a first mother's day card. He eats ice cream by the gallon and likes to work on cars. Some of his teeth are knocked out and he like to show people his false ones. He is incredibly funny and so tall. I went to a reading of this book when it was published. They had all the women from Houston line up and read thier portion of the book out loud along with the author and her story. He was able to attend that event and hear the story of his own past. It was a little strange for me because I was always defined as Fred and Joyce's grandaughter. Now I was Fred's grandaughter, not the child of her son.

A must read!
This book opened up so much for me. It really showcases what being pregnant and young/unwed meant in my mothers generation. In my generation I saw pregnant girls by the dozen walk through the halls of my high school, thinking why would they keep there babies they are 16 and 17 years old. I recongize now just how huge it is that are allowed to stay in school. Now I am so thankful that sex was talked about in my health class, and while contraception wasn't a big point in the syllabus, it was there. I think this book showcases just what we can improve on as a society.

This book is really a must read for all poeple.