Product Description

You Can Start a Revolution in Your Family . . . Tonight

ScreamFree Parenting is not just about lowering your voice. It’s about learning to calm your emotional reactions and learning to focus on your own behavior more than your kids’ behavior . . . for their benefit. Our biggest enemy as parents is not the TV, the Internet, or even drugs. Our biggest enemy is our own emotional reactivity. When we say we “lost it” with our kids, the “it” in that sentence is our own adulthood. And then we wonder why our kids have so little respect for us, why our kids seem to have all the power in the family.

It’s time to do it differently. And you can. You can start to create and enjoy the types of calm, mutually respectful, and loving relationships with your kids that you’ve always craved. You can begin to revolutionize your family, starting tonight.

Parenting is not about kids, it’s about parents.
If you’re not in control, then you cannot be in charge.
What every kid really needs are parents who are able to keep their cool no matter what.

Easier said than done? Not anymore, thanks to ScreamFree Parenting, the principle-based approach that’s inspiring parents everywhere to truly revolutionize their family dynamics. Moving beyond the child-centered, technique-based approaches that ultimately fail, the ScreamFree way compels you to:

focus on yourself
calm yourself down, and
grow yourself up

By staying calm and connected with your kids, you begin to operate less out of your deepest fears and more out of your highest principles, revolutionizing your relationships in the process.

ScreamFree Parenting is not just another parenting book. It’s the first parenting
book that maintains—from beginning to end—that parenting is NOT about kids . . . it’s about parents. As parents pay more attention to controlling their own behavior instead of their kids’ behavior, the result is stronger, more rewarding, and more fulfilling family relationships.

For those of you reading who are parents, know parents, or have had parents, the notion that the greatest thing you can do for your children is to learn to focus on yourself may sound strange, even heretical. It’s not. Here’s why: we are the only ones we can control. We cannot control our kids—we cannot control the behavior of any other human being. And yet, so many “experts” keep giving us more tools (“techniques”) to help us try to do just that. And, of course, the more we try to control, the more out of control our children become.

“Don’t make me come up there.” “Don’t make me pull this car over.” “How many times do I have to tell you?” Even our language suggests that our kids have control over us.
It’s no wonder that we end up screaming. Or shutting down. Or simply giving up. And the charts, refrigerator magnets, family meetings, and other techniques in most typical parenting books just don’t work. They end up making us feel more frustrated and more powerless in this whole parenting thing.

This practical, effective guide for parents of all ages with kids of all ages introduces proven principles for overcoming the anxieties and stresses of parenting and setting new patterns of connection and cooperation. Well-written in an engaging, conversational tone, the book is sensible, straightforward, and based on the experiences of hundreds of actual families. It will help all parents become calming authorities in their homes, bring peace to their families today, and give kids what they need to grow into caring, self-directed adults tomorrow.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #13468 in Books
• Published on: 2007-09-04
• Released on: 2007-09-04
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Hardcover
• 240 pages

From AudioFile
Hal Runkel, a marriage and family therapist and founder of ScreamFree Living, Inc., offers sage advice for parents fighting daily battles with their kids. Runkel provides a system for parents to improve themselves and their family relationships through a down-to-earth philosophy of mutual respect, self-care, and consequences. Runkels wisdom and calming voice are particularly valuable for parents with kids who know how to push their buttons. Runkel urges parents to control themselves in order to maintain control at home. The audiobook is loaded with real-life examples of parents who have turned things around at home. This production illustrates the way Runkels program works and provides some useful entertainment. H.L.S. © AudioFile 2008, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine

Review
...a wonderful reference to parents, adult children, and frankly anyone. This was an absolute treat to read! -- Lisa Uhl, MSN, Occupational Health Case Mgr, Mother of 3

If I had a magic wand, I would give this book to every parent. It is a must-read! -- John Lee, bestselling author of the Flying Boy and Growing Yourself Back Up

ScreamFree Parenting could enlighten many, stir a little positive karma into things, and turn lives around. -- Mark James, MD

The priceless suggestions, reflective questions, and true stories set apart Runkel's alluring, fascinating book...a fantastic endeavor... -- From BookWire Review May, 2005

Review
“Whew! What a relief—a fresh approach to parenting that eliminates the battles, the bickering, the frustrations and guilt while allowing children the space to learn and grow. It’s inventive and doable…parents stay calm, connected, and in control—a miracle. In Screamfree Parenting Hal Runkel gives you the tools to take care of yourself so you can take better care of your growing children. Every parent needs this book—it changes how you think about parenting…and how you parent. You’ll wonder why you ever raised your voice or broke a promise.”
--Susan Newman, Ph.D., author of Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day.

Customer Reviews

Does not know anything about Gifted Kids
I saw Hal on Matt Lauer.

While he may be on topic on raising kids, he is appallingly ignorant when it comes to gifted kids.

As a former gifted child and a parent of a gifted kid, I'd like to weigh in.

Gifted kids are at great risk for psychological problems if their gifts are not recongnized and they are not accelerated. What Hal proposed is not the recommended approach for dealing with gifted kids and will very likely lead to the kids being stunted emotionally and mentally.

Interested parents should look up Dr Ruf's book as a starting point on raising gifted kids, rather than listen to an ill-informed person who is out of their area of expertise.

Losing Our Minds: Gifted Children Left Behind

Calm, Collected and .......
The idea seems very selfish; "focus on yourself first and your child second". However, it's more generous than it first appears. If I am able to focus on my needs, emotions and well being, I will be in a much better position, more optimistic, more energetic an less anxious then if I am totally child-centric. I have, as a father, become so consumed with how to "make my kids behave" that I have left myself out of the picture and lost control. (Once or twice) It's easy to say things like "YOU are making ME angry!" But really it is me allowing myself to get angry. ScreamFree really does an excellent job of making the case that we need to remain in control of ourselves and not give that control over to our children (at any age).

I don't believe the author means that our children shouldn't be in the top priorities a person has, in fact, he says as much. But if we don't take care of ourselves first we can't remain healthy, balanced and in control (at least in control of ourselves).

However, the book is a little unclear, at least in my opinion, on how best to keep the focus on ourselves and let our children make their mistakes without getting sucked into emotional traps. This, I believe, is especially the case in critical or embarrassing situations like in a library or church, and playing around hazards (like a lake or busy street). The younger the child the greater their need to have parents that will look out for them above any personal need we have at the time. Although, I will say that the story of a little 3 year old girl attempting to manipulate her father, so she wouldn't have to straighten up, or get ready for bed was very helpful. The instruction and illustration in this story was excellent.

For the most part, this book is right on target. I think that it is probably best suited for older adolescent and teenage children because they've been through and learned most of the life threatening and socially acceptable behaviors.

The book really dovetails nicely with the books from Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish, not to mention the work of Dr. Haim Ginott.

Amazing insight
Hal E. Runkel offers amazing insight into the dynamics of parent-child interactions in his book/CD series, Screamfree Parenting. Not so much a how-to author, Runkel instead helps the parent identify systems of their own thought/behavior which have an impact on their children's development. He aids the parent in adjusting their responses to their children in order to encourage positive and benificial growth in their child. I've put his theory into practice with my own children with immediate and profound results. I highly recommend this book/CD series to any parent who is willing to look inside themselves to find causes and solutions for the myriad behavioral delimmas we all encounter when raising our kids!