Product Details
My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands
By Chelsea Handler

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Product Description

In this raucous collection of true-life stories, actress and comedian Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand.You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool.Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning.

Product Details

  • Amazon Sales Rank: #48 in Books
  • Published on: 2005-06-06
  • Released on: 2005-05-12
  • Number of items: 1
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 213 pages

Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly
Opening with a cute story from when she was seven and photographed her parents having sex, stand-up comedian Handler goes on to discuss the virtues of the one-night stand, which amount to having sex early enough so you're not months into a relationship before you discover he's into "anal beads and duct tape." She discusses her quest for sex with a "black man," which doesn't work out because the date she finds on ChocolateSingles.com has a penis so large, she "would have had to be the size of the Lincoln Tunnel to accommodate that thing." After him, there's a "little midget," but she sobers up before sleeping with him. Next come a number of would-be partners with penises too small to consider. Finally, there's a guy Handler does sleep with, only an embarrassing incident involving a "giant skid mark" prevents her from seeing him again. By the end, Handler considers settling down with one man, which might actually net her more sex than these mostly unconsummated one-night stands. Anyone who laughs at the mere mention of vaginas and penises may find Handler's book almost as much fun as getting drunk and waking up in some stranger's bed.
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Review
"Offbeat and laugh-out-loud-funny essays... smart, funny, and quick read." (Library Journal Review )

"Where have I been all of Chelsea Handler's life? I had no idea how funny, how brilliant she is.she is too clever for words." (Liz Smith New York Post )

In a word: hilarious. In two: absolutely hilarious. These are some of the funniest stories I have ever read and they''re also some of the most unexpectedly heartfelt." (Laura Zigman, author of Animal Husbandry, Dating Big Bird, and Her )

"Chelsea Handler is a terrific comedian and a hilarious writer." (Jay Leno )

"This book is no-holds-barred hilarious." (Jennifer Weiner, author of In Her Shoes and Little Earthquakes )

"[Chelsea] just might be funnier than David Sedaris." (Dallas Observer )

"Prime reading material for anyone looking to laugh their hiney off." (About.com )

About the Author
Chelsea Handler was born in Livingston, New Jersey, and has toured the country doing stand-up. Now settled in Los Angeles, she can be seen at the Comedy Store and the Laugh Factory, and as one of the stars on Oxygen's Girls Behaving Badly. Chelsea has guest-starred on programs such as Spy TV, My Wife and Kids, The Bernie Mac Show, and The Practice. Her stand-up will soon be televised on VH1's Love Lounge, Comedy Central's Premium Blend, and HBO's broadcast of the Aspen Comedy Festival.

Customer Reviews

hilarious5
This book is hilarious! It had me laughing out loud the entire time. It's a must read, for those of you who can handle it.

great book5
Chelsea Handler is great at telling stories. I laughed out loud a lot. She really gets herself into hysterical and sometimes sticky situations. Sounds like she's living a pretty interesting life. I can't wait for a 3rd book...

If you want to laugh pick it up!5
This book is hilarious. I briefly saw another reviewer's comments on the title of the book and it not necessarily following through with an actual one night stand in many cases. But SO WHAT! The book is great. I adored it and found my self laughing out loud.