OK so let's start with my book, because it's brand new and it truly is a fantastic gift. Publishers Weekly AND Library Journal say so. Give it to any woman you know and give it to any guy you know who needs to know a thing or two about women. And give it to anyone who needs a laugh. Or to get her life together. Or unclog her toilet.

This is a great novel and I'm not just saying that because my friend Peter wrote it. I'm saying that because I read a lot of novels, a lot of bad novels at that, and this is one of the year's best. And it's smart and funny and political. So you'll look all those things when you give it to everyone. Also give a check. No getting around it, people like checks better than just about anything.

I know, this is a very boring gift. But along with Brita filters, they're one of those severely overpriced things no one likes to buy but has to, has to, has to. I recently replaced my brush head and I feel like I just had a good tooth scaling. I never had my teeth scaled but I am sure it's exactly like brushing with a new brush head.

You'll be the coolest person in the room, guaranteed. This is the gift that everyone wants. Especially people who missed the show on TV, which is, like, everyone.

No one on earth is immune to wanting a Diptyque candle. They are so stupid expensive that they are only ever given as gifts, because who would buy one for himself when he could buy a car for the same price? Whenever you see a Diptyque in someone's house, you think "Oooh, luxury, someone loves this person a lot.

People love trashy magazines. They don't like to admit they do but they do. VF is a trashy mag that has some good writers (and some bad ones--why are some VF writers pre-verbal?) and a lot of ribald tales about rich people done wrong. It's much classier than giving a subscription to InTouch, which is just tacky, Mister.