Product Description

What if you woke up one day and remembered nothing of your past?

Born into an extraordinarily talented family, 29-year-old Michael Van Allen is the gay son of a well-known concert pianist and an equally famous painter. All his life, he has yearned for the talent and creativity that should have been his birthright but have somehow been denied him. When he wakes up in a mental hospital, his memory gone, his former life erased, his doctor tells him of his screaming breakdown during one of his father's performances. Van Allen's Ecstasy is the story of Michael's journey in search of his former self. As he pieces together his forgotten life, Michael uncovers jealousy, obsession, and secret desires that threaten to destroy his sanity once again.

How could you rebuild your life if all you knew was what other people told you? Could you ever find your way back to being person you once were?

In Van Allen's Ecstasy, Michael finds himself precariously balanced, teetering on the thin line between obsession and insanity. Why was he institutionalized? Why can't he remember his life, his family, his identity? Did he go over the edge by himself, or was he manipulated by someone else? And who is "Sasha," the ghostly presence that haunts him with mysterious advice? Exploring the misty remnants of his former life, Michael searches for the answers that will either free him to face reality or send him careening over the brink of insanity.

From the novel: "I look at the pictures on the night stand again. The man in the family photo is me, the boy in the older photo less obviously so. I want to be able to smile like that boy is smiling. I just want to smile and not think about the act of smiling. . . . I remember and remember and remember and the act of remembering becomes a physical sensation, like drinking water to quench a thirst."

Returning to the apartment he used to share with Paul, his lover, Michael discovers traces of his former life, including the journal he'd been hiding away from everyone. In its pages, his agonizing journey in search of home, reconnection, and love begins to take shape. But what is the destination—redemption or madness? Van Allen's Ecstasy will keep you wondering until the very last page.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #1804471 in Books
• Published on: 2004-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 164 pages

Review
"A passionate novel about the passion of creativity....by turns wry, spooky, and aching." -- Jean Thompson, Author of

"A compelling contribution to the literature of madness and identity." -- Stephen Beachy, Author of

"Darkly luminous..." -- Peter Weltner, Author of

About the Author
Jim Tushinski is a fiction writer and filmmaker living in Southern California. His short fiction has appeared in the anthologies His 3 and Quickies, as well as numerous journals. His short video, Jan-Michael Vincent Is My Muse, has appeared at over 30 film festivals on three continents. Jim is currently working on a feature-length documentary and a new novel.

Customer Reviews

Back from the black?
Michael Van Allen is a young man who is awash in successful relatives-his father is a famous composer, his mother a well-known painter, and his siblings Karl and Sara are, respectively, an attorney and columnist. It's not for not trying-Michael has taken several paths in the arts to try for success, and now works as a file clerk.

Michael wakes up in a mental hospital, where he's received treatment supposedly after screaming through one of his father's concerts. But he can't remember anything-nothing about his past, nor why he has a partner, Paul. It's like being in a world of strangers-only they know all about you! This imaginative concept provides a gripping read. It's especially captivating when Michael discovers his old journal and begins reading the entries. Somehow, reading his own words about his past rekindle dark emotions.

This had to be a challenging story to write, and, fortunately for us, was brilliantly done.

A psychological thriller!
From the first sentence, the reader is plunged into the mind of Michael Van Allen: and the mystery begins. Who is he? Who was he? What happened? As he struggles to regain his memory, we gather the clues with him, and it's difficult to put this book down until we reach the climax. Engagingly written, with a roster of memorable characters; you can almost hear the piano soundtrack in the background as you join Michael's journey.

"IMMENSELY SATISFYING." Immediately engages the reader...
"A FASCINATING ENTRÉE into the mind of Michael Van Allen, who has undergone a nervous breakdown during a performance by his famous father of Scriabin's Piano Sonata No. 5. Tushinski masterfully achieves a rich portrait of Michael's internal struggle for sanity, as well as powerful characterizations of those around him. Tushinski's sensitive and confident command of language immediately engages the reader...IMMENSELY SATISFYING."

Reviewed by:
Jim Van Buskirk,
Program Manager
James C. Hormel Gay & Lesbian Center
San Francisco Public Library