Product Description

"You'll not only break the ice, you'll melt it away with your new skills." -- Larry King

"The lost art of verbal communication may be revitalized by Leil Lowndes." -- Harvey McKay, author of How to Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive

What is that magic quality makes some people instantly loved and respected? Everyone wants to be their friend (or, if single, their lover!) In business, they rise swiftly to the top of the corporate ladder. What is their "Midas touch?"

What it boils down to is a more skillful way of dealing with people.

The author has spent her career teaching people how to communicate for success. In her book Talking the Winner's Way (Contemporary Books, October 2001) Lowndes offers 92 easy and effective sure-fire success techniques-- she takes the reader from first meeting all the way up to sophisticated techniques used by the big winners in life. In this information-packed book you'll find:

• 9 ways to make a dynamite first impression
• 14 ways to master small talk, "big talk," and body language
• 14 ways to walk and talk like a VIP or celebrity
• 6 ways to sound like an insider in any crowd
• 7 ways to establish deep subliminal rapport with anyone
• 9 ways to feed someone's ego (and know when NOT to!)
• 11 ways to make your phone a powerful communications tool
• 15 ways to work a party like a politician works a room
• 7 ways to talk with tigers and not get eaten alive (This last one is for when you need to WIN.)

In her trademark entertaining and straight-shooting style, Leil gives the techniques catchy names so you'll remember them when you really need them, including: "Rubberneck the Room," "Be a Copyclass," "Come Hither Hands," Bare Their Hot Button, The Great Scorecard in the Sky," and "Play the Tombstone Game, for big success in your social life, romance, and business.

Talking the Winner's Way is based on solid research about techniques that work!

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #94018 in Books
• Published on: 1999-09-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 368 pages

About the Author

Leil Lowndes is a communications consultant whose articles have appeared in Psychology Today, New Woman, Redbook, and Cosmopolitan, among others. She has appeared on more than 200 television and radio shows.

Customer Reviews

Strong on technique, devoid of humanity
Hi

I found this book interesting; I've tried many of the techniques and found that they work very well.

Unfortunately, the author has little genuine warmth, empathy or interest in other people.

One example (not untypical). The authors 'good friend' had started a business and Leil (the author) introduced her to an important - powerful - contact. The author's friend 'messed up' when she contacted the 'important person' - she didn't have a pen and asked him to wait a few minutes whilst she got one. The author's reaction 'that's the last time I'll introduce her to anyone'. Jeez - I'm glad she's not my 'good friend'.

I thoroughly recommend it to anybody who wants to communicate more effectively i.e. get what they want out of other people - respect, friendship, business, a job, etc.

However don't let it turn you into a self-centered, manipulative, jerk.

Remember that communications techniques can help in one off relationships (e.g. a job interview, sales call), can help lubricate new relationships (a first date), and increase your social standing (working a party, or social engagement).

They can't help in long-term relationships (when a date becomes your girl/guy, on the job, parenting, etc.) For that you need to invest in your character.

Happy reading

Afam Edozie

What I learned from this book...
One caveat, before my review... if you're dubious about buying this book because of the negative reviews (as I was, at first), then please consider this:

If you've read "How to Win Friends and Influence People," then you should already know the basic mental trick needed for how to be a great conversationalist. You have to wrap your mind around the fact that people don't want to hear about *you*. It's not what *you* say that makes people like you, but how interested you are in what the *other* person has to say. (After all, whose face do you look for first in a group photograph? Everyone else thinks the same way.)

Leil Lowndes didn't spend much time explaining this, like Dale Carnegie did; so I can understand why certain reviewers might have misinterpreted this book as "sucking up" or being manipulative. But take heart, friends -- her writing is delightfully NOT about petty flattering techniques (although there *is* a chapter on praise). (If you still don't see the difference, then consider getting "How to Win Friends," in addition to Lowndes' book.)

With that said, I'll admit that after reading Carnegie, I was still not a good conversationalist. Carnegie seemed to be a social person *anyway*, so being friendly came naturally for him. But myself, and others like me suffering from clinical depression / social anxiety / low self-esteem, will get much, much more from "Talking the Winner's Way."

Usually, when I'm at a party or at work, I'm paralyzed with doubts about how to act around other people. What do I say? What if I screw up? How the heck do I make banal "small talk" come out of my mouth without looking and sounding like an idiot? What about those horrible, awkward long pauses where conversation stutters to a halt? And so, there I stand, off in the corner all alone, palms sweaty and heart racing, without ever getting up the courage to butt in on excitedly gesturing circles of friends/coworkers. Lowndes addressed all of these insecurities, and gave me methods that actually made me *enjoy* mingling at a party two days ago.

Carnegie was an optimist -- he gives you some general social theories and assumes you'll make it all come out all right. Lowndes, on the other hand, seems to be a cynic -- which is ever so much more useful! She gives you all of the juicy details - every chapter is stuffed with meat, not fluff.

For example, Carnegie tells you to "smile." Lowndes tells you *how* to smile: wait a moment, soaking up the person's expression, THEN let a smile fill your face; this has the most impact. She teaches you how to make it genuine; and she recommends giving a slightly different smile for each person, to make them feel as if it's not an automatic reaction, but created especially for them. (The body language techniques alone are worth the price of this book; her strange "posture" technique seems to have cured my ten-year slump.)

This is not to say that Lowndes' book is a recap of Carnegie's. It's not -- it is *so* much more. Only the first few chapters are about general, friend-to-friend techniques. The rest (the bulk of the book) are more specifically oriented to modern business situations. That, also, has been very helpful to me, but in a very different way. I've always felt that I was missing some sort of secret code when talking to managers, etc. (Why are you supposed to say, "Mr. X can't come to the phone right now," instead of "Mr. X isn't here," anyway? The latter is more honest.) Now, I understand. Now, I speak that secret code, too.

There are plenty of techniques for fitting in with the world of the "Big Winners" -- those men and women who seem to have a subconscious understanding of how to act consistently professional as they sit in their Faberge'-filled mansions comfortably discussing new investments. She tells you how to mimic their vocabulary, mood, perceptions, movements. She tells you how to deal, how to network, how to speak industryese. (I simply cannot wait to try out this stuff at my next job interview!)

Several chapters are about business faux-pas -- things you should NOT do. And it's not all "common sense" warnings, either. I personally had no idea that you're not supposed to say "gesundheit" when someone sneezes, eat or drink at cocktail parties, talk about business at a business lunch, or ask what a new acquaintance does for a living.

This is where her cynicism comes out... because apparently, the "Big Cats," as she calls them, will pick up on your mistakes, and one little flub can ruin your influence with them forever. On the other hand, brilliant interaction with them will give you a sterling reputation and eventually turn you into a "Big Cat," too.

After reading this book and practicing the techniques, I feel like I've gone from wallflower to corporate climber. Do yourself a favor and start climbing, too!

Twelve bucks? For methods that will earn you respect, new friends, and probably get you promoted? It's worth every penny.

Same book, different cover
I'll repeat what an August 5th reviewer stated : If you've already bought the book How To Talk To Anyone - 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships by the same author then don't buy this book as it is the same. I bought both of them together and was really annoyed when I discovered they were the same. How can someone re-write a book under a different title without any mention of this fact on the book cover ?

You'll also note that Editorial review of both books is the same and have the same quotes from Larry King and McKay. Shame on Amazon for not giving me a full refund!