Product Description

In this book, Dr. Henry Cloud gets to the heart of the issues dating raises for many readers and gets them on the road to fun and fulfillment in the single life.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #16234 in Books
• Published on: 2005-02-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 240 pages

From Publishers Weekly
Geared for the reported 3.5 million evangelical Christian singles in America, this guide by Cloud-author of the bestselling Boundaries series of relationship books-offers sound advice on the dating game. Some of his tenets may take Christian readers by surprise: he asserts, for example, that there's no one Mr. or Ms. Right for each person, and that people should stop waiting around for a dream individual to sweep them off their feet. ("God guides and provides," Cloud states, "but he also requires us to do our part.") He also asserts that dating is not just a precursor to marriage, disagreeing with those Christians who refuse to date unless they glimpse a tiered wedding cake at the end of the rainbow. Non-serious dating, Cloud writes, is an essential step in the process of eventually finding a mate, because it teaches people what they need and want through trial and error. Cloud unveils a whole program for "getting out there" in the dating world: singles should keep a log of all the eligible people they meet; go places where other singles go (Cloud calls this "changing your traffic pattern"); consider joining a dating service; and forget the "love at first sight" myth. He even suggests dating non-Christians-which will raise some evangelical eyebrows-while repeating his proviso that dating is not marriage. Most of the book's examples are of women seeking men, but all Christian singles can benefit from this practical, down-to-earth manual.
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Review
"…offers sound advice on the dating game….all Christian singles can benefit from this practical, down-to-earth manual." — PW Religion Bookline

(PW Religion Bookline )

From the Back Cover
Another Friday Night Alone

It stinks, doesn’t it. But what can you do to fix it?

More than you’ve ever imagined. You can put an end to the datelessness. Starting today—right now—you can begin a journey that will bring fun, interesting people into your life, broaden your experience of others and yourself, and lead you toward that date of all dates—a date worth keeping.

This book is for YOU if • You want to get more dates or better dates. • You wonder where "the good ones" are. • You keep repeating the same old cycle in your dating life and want to change it. • You wonder why people who aren’t as nice as you get all the dates. • You’re attracted to the wrong kind, while the right kind lack the "chemistry." • You’re waiting for God to bring you the right person—and you’ve been waiting an awfully long time. • You wonder what it is about you that fails to attract dates. Based on over ten years of personally coaching singles on dating, Dr. Henry Cloud shares his proven, very doable, step-by-step approach to overcoming your sticking points and getting all the dates you could want. The results speak for themselves. Filled with true-life examples you’ll identify with instantly, How to Get a Date Worth Keeping will prove its worth to you many times over in the exciting months ahead.

Customer Reviews

Breaks Down Myths and Self-Defeating Beliefs
Perhaps one of the things in a church culture is that there isn't enough mentorship from parents or from the church on proper dating.

One of the biggest and most misleading ideas implied in church culture or propagated in books are:

a) Just wait, God will provide for you a mate.

b) If you are spiritual enough, and seek God earnestly, God will give you the best. Don't settle for second best.

With that two statements, it misleads people who are seriously looking for a mate.

First, because of that a lot of people just sit around waiting for a life-partner to drop out of mid-air into their lives.

God certainly does provide, he provides the birds of the air food, but still the bird must look for the worm. God gave the Israelites the land, but they still had to go in and fight for it. It was not passive inactivity that won the day. God does his part, we must do ours.

Next, what is this idea of "second best"? If A was meant for B but instead marries C this will cause a chain reaction where B marries D which leads to E who was supposed to marry D to marry F and so on... So with just one choice, we cause the whole universe held together by God to crash? Even Microsoft Windows performs better than that!

So we end up with a lot of singles in church, waiting and waiting... and waiting... and waiting... just waiting... perhaps one of them thinks that she must serve God more or perhaps she wasn't spiritual enough.

So she volunteers... for the children's ministry. Good luck in increasing her odds of finding someone there.

Which leads to another thought. Before the invention of the automobile, most people married within a radius of 2 miles from where they lived. But with the invention of the car, people married within 100 miles from where they lived. Did God's will suddenly change because of the car?

Another wrong idea is that we shouldn't date around too much. It's like playing around we don't want to be considered a 'loose' or flirtatious. Dr Cloud says that, if you're righteous enough, you're not going to have sex, it's just getting to know people!

Dr. Henry Cloud in his book "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping"recommends that we change our view of dating:
1. See dating as a wonderful time to find out about other people and what they are like.
2. See dating as a wonderful time to find out about yourself and how you need to change.
3. See dating as an end in and of itself.
4. See dating in a way that takes the pressure off.
5. See dating as an opportunity to love and serve others.
6. See dating as an opportunity to grow in skills.
7.Perhaps promise youself that you will make no serious commitment for a certain length of time.

In comparison to "I gave dating a chance" and "I kissed dating goodbye" he gives really practical and workable advice instead of airy fairy principles that are impractical.

Dr. Cloud has counselled hundreds of people and is a qualified psychologist whilst the other two books are written by a youth worker and a young pastor mainly from their own experience at a young age and who have never had to endure many years of loneliness and self-defeating beliefs.

How to Find a Dating Book Worth Reading (and Keeping)
This book is really useful. It is a Christian dating book that is relevant to the modern world and encourages you to tackle any issues that might be holding you back.

One of the best things about the book is that it gives detailed advice about how to 'sort yourself out' before you begin searching for a mate. The author says that if you are looking for marriage as a way to make yourself happy and fulfilled then you need to take a step back and find out how to make yourself happy and fulfilled as a single person first. The author also encourages you to think about the ideal partner you would want, and then try to develop these characteristics yourself, so you would be the sort of person they would be attracted to.

The 'system' for dating described in the book is all about getting your numbers up and meeting new people. Dr Cloud suggests that you try to talk to five new men / women a week to become used to talking to others and open up the potential for dating. Whilst this is a scary suggestion to me, as I am naturally reserved person who enjoys solo hobbies, I feel that it is achievable in the long run and it is a good basis for starting to meet new people.

There are some really great chapters in the book and I think most people would learn a lot from reading them and choosing which ideas are right for them to follow. As with most books, I didn't agree with absolutely everything in it. For example, Dr Cloud suggests joining some kind of accountability group and submitting to the advice given to you. Something like this really wouldn't work for me and I'd prefer to just talk to a close family member instead and then make my own decision. I also think that some of the advice is more suited to people with extrovert personalities (i.e. those with a busy social life, more outgoing types) whereas people who are introverts (like me!) generally prefer to spend time alone, are less social and have fewer friends. However, I think there is a lot to be learned from this book no matter what type of person you are.

Overall, this book is a thought-provoking read and I will continue to refer to it in the future. Highly recommended.

Straight forward yet thought provoking!
"How to get a date worth keeping" was an excellent book. It challenged me to look at motives behind dating, expected outcomes and to be prepared to accept ownership for my participation (or lack thereof). It used everyday common excuses as a precursor to elaborate on the real issue(s) that people are in the dark about.

I liked the fact that it made me consider dating in a totally different aspect than I have in the past. I also liked how "real" the author came across. No psychology mumbo jumbo just everyday common language that drove home the point and left me relating to the book.

I think if you're open to "stretching" yourself and growing as a person and incorporating dating into your life, than this might be a book that will help you.

A couple side notes. The author is Christian, so his book places heavy emphasis on making sure your spiritual side is examined just as is your physical and emotional. However, the aspect I liked best about the book is he advocated common sense to pitfalls or ruts that people fall into, and I for one will be making my roommate from college read this book because there were so many parts of the book that screamed her.

So I hope that helps! Enjoy!