Product Description

Infidelity is at crisis level even within the church. No marriage is immune despite apparent moral convictions. Dave Carder wrote Torn Asunder to offer couples hope, healing, and encouragement in the face of adultery. He divides his book into first helping readers understand extramarital affairs and then offering healing for marriages dealing with this betrayal. Excellent resource for pastors, leaders, and lay people.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #217341 in Books
• Published on: 1995-06-09
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 274 pages

About the Author
Dave Carder serves as assistant pastor responsible for counseling ministries at the First Evangelical Free Church of Fullerton, California. He also serves on the boards of CAPS-WEST (Christian Association of Psychological Studies), The Center for Individuals and Family Therapy, and Marble Retreat Center. He is the author of Secrets of Your Family Tree, Helping Couples Recover from Adultery, and Promises from Proverbs.

Customer Reviews

Practical, Clear, Useful Book , Solidly Evangelical
Torn Asunder: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs
Written by Dave Carder (Moody Press, rev. 1995)
Reviewed by Pastor Ed Vasicek

I first heard Dave Carder at the Moody Bible Institute's pastor's conference in 2000. After attending his workshop about counseling situations involving marital infidelity, I returned home and immediately ordered his book. I was not disappointed.

Torn Asunder was written for those somehow connected to marital affairs, including prodigal spouses, their mates, pastors, counselors, or concerned friends. It is easy to understand, thoroughly evangelical in conviction, and based on the author's practical counseling experience and keen observation. It offers clear direction and principals upon which to build.

The book is divided into three main sections. The first division, "Understanding Extramarital Affairs" contains five chapters which distinguish types of affairs, causes, and factors that contribute toward improper relationships. The second subdivision boasts six chapters and is titled, "Healing from Affairs." The last three chapters tie up a few miscellaneous loose ends and are sectioned off as , "Special Circumstances."

The author writes clearly, simply, and informatively. He provides only a few necessary statistics (e.g., 50 to 65% of husbands and 45-55% of wives have had extra-marital affairs by the age of 40) as well as some surprising insights: "Young wives today are actually having affairs at a faster rate than same-aged men..."

Some of Carder's material is questionable. For example, the author describes the types of personalities that are more affair-prone than others without backing up his claims through documented studies. Most of what he says in this volume, however, does ring true to reality.

Carder offers a lot of meaty information. A few helpful statements include: "In sporadic, longer-lasting affairs, the spouse will need about two years to recover..." and, "The only lasting remedy is for the infidel to feel the agony he has caused the spouse." He does not minimize the pain and anger involved in these traumatic situations.

Carder views infidelity as not just indicative of a troubled individual, but rather indicative of a troubled marriage relationship involving both partners. He writes, "The goal for both to figure out is: what emotional and physical nurturance did the infidel receive from the affair that was unavailable in the marriage?"

I recommend this book to those struggling with recovery from infidelity, pastors, counselors, people-helpers, or anyone interested in a Christian perspective as to the causes, prevention, and recovery of marital affairs. It is thorough, sensitive, clear, balanced, and faithful to the Scriptures.

Very good book for healing from an affair
This book was recommended to me by a friend and it was very helpful in healing from and understanding the anatomy of an affair. When you or your spouse has fallen into adultery, if it is just a quick one night stand, sometimes it is easier just to address it quickly and let it go without going into the painful process of understanding why and what dangers may lie ahead. But, if we don't understand why it happened, the chances of it happening again and moving into a much worse, deeper, marriage destroying affair are great.

Torn Asunder can help couples reconcile and work through recovery from an affair. I would consider it an almost must-buy. Trying to heal without knowing the material in this book
would be next to impossible.

The only reason I gave it a four star rating instead of five is that I feel that when a spouse is entrenched into a lasting type 2 affair, the approach they take is firm and has some good merits, but I feel very strongly that the "Last Resort Technique" in Michele Weiner-Davis' book "Divorce Remedy" is a much better approach. I believe Davis' book would be much, much
more effective in rescuing a damaged marriage and bringing it
back from near divorce or divorce.

I would tend to use "Torn Asunder" more for understanding and
preventing future affairs as well as emotional healing.

Threre is light at the end of the tunnel!
Almost two years after discovering my husband's affair, I still find relief and encouragement in this book. It provided great insight in the immediate weeks after disclosure and has since served to remind me that I am not crazy to not be 100% over the devastation. Dave Carder makes some very difficult information easy to read and comprehend. This book was of geat help to both my husband and I, and I believe that it has given us a good foundation of knowledge on which to begin rebuilding our marriage!