Product Description

Community is a fundamental life search. We need to belong. In our time, we search with some increasing desperation as terms like neighbor, family, and congregation are being redefined.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #251290 in Books
• Published on: 2003-09-05
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 192 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9780310255000
• Condition: USED - VERY GOOD
• Notes:
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From the Back Cover
A practical guide for those struggling to build a community of believers in a culture that wants to experience belonging over believing Who is my neighbor? Who belongs to me? To whom do I belong? These are timeless questions that guide the church to its fundamental calling. Today terms like neighbor, family, and congregation are being redefined. People are searching to belong in new places and experiences. The church needs to adapt its interpretations, definitions, and language to make sense in the changing culture. This book equips congregations and church leaders with tools to:

• Discern the key ingredients people look for in community

• Understand the use of space as a key element for experiencing belonging and community

• Develop the "chemical compound" that produces an environment for community to spontaneously emerge

• Discover how language promotes specific spatial belonging and then use this knowledge to build an effective vocabulary for community development

• Create an assessment tool for evaluating organizational and personal community health

About the Author
Joseph R. Myers is a multiprenuer, interventionist, and thinker. He is a founding partner of a communication arts group, settingPace, and owns a consulting firm, FrontPorch, which specializes in creating conversations that promote and develop community

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
The Search to Belong: Rethinking Intimacy, Community, and Small Groups Copyright © 2003 by Joseph R. Myers Youth Specialties products, 300 South Pierce Street, El Cajon, CA 92020, are published by Zondervan, 5300 Patterson Avenue, Southeast, Grand Rapids, MI 49530 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Myers, Joseph R., 1962- The search to belong : rethinking intimacy, community, and small groups / Joseph R. Myers. p. cm. ISBN-10: 0-310-25500-7 (pbk.) ISBN-13: 978-0-310-25500-0 (pbk.) 1. Community--Religious aspects--Christianity. 2. Small groups--Religious aspects--Christianity. 3. Intimacy (Psychology)--Religious aspects--Christianity. I. Title. BV4517.5.M94 2003 262'.2--dc21 2003005789 Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version (North American Edition). Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Web site addresses listed in this book were current at the time of publication. Please contact Youth Specialties via e-mail (YS@YouthSpecialties.com) to report URLs that are no longer operational and replacement URLs if available. Some of the anecdotal illustrations in this book are true and are included with the permission of the persons involved. All other illustrations are composites of true situations, and any resemblance to people living or dead is coincidental. Edited by Randy Frame Cover and interior design by Electricurrent Cover photo by Michael Wilson Printed in the United States of America the myths of belonging Our old ideas about space have exploded.The past three decades have produced more change in more cultures than any other time in history. Radically accelerated growth, deregulation, and globalization have redrawn our familiar maps and reset the parameters: Borders are inscribed and permeated, control zones imposed and violated, jurisdictions declared and ignored, markets pumped up and punctured.And at the same time, entirely new spatial conditions, demanding new definitions, have emerged.Where space was considered permanent, it now feels transitory—on its way to becoming.The words and ideas of architecture, once the official language of space, no longer seem capable of describing this proliferation of new conditions. But even as its utility is questioned in the real world, architectural language survives, its repertoire of concepts and metaphors resurrected to create clarity and definition in new, unfamiliar domains (think chat rooms,Web sites, and firewalls).Words that die in the real are reborn in the virtual.1 Rem Koolhaas, in a guest editorial for a special issue of Wired Wen our pastor rose to make the announcement, I suspected we were in for it again. “We’re going to be a church of small groups,” he told us, like a child pleading for his parents to read from the well-worn book one more time. “A church of small groups instead of a church with small groups.” My heart sank. Been there; done that. I remembered attending a small group several years earlier. It was the next step in my process of growing deeper in Christ and in community. “Everyone in a small group” was the church-wide goal. So my wife, Sara, and I hopped in our car and began our eight-week commitment. We were greeted kindly at the door. It was not so much a friendship sort of kind as it was a salesman’s type. “This is the first time,” I told myself, “so relax and enjoy.” Once gathered in the “family” room, we played several silly, juvenile games in the hope of opening the door to relational bliss. Next, we were asked to agree to and sign a Group Covenant. The covenant seemed harmless enough. It established a purpose for the group. It enlisted everyone to the 100 percent attendance policy. It explained a code of group life. It requested that we enter into accountable relationships with our new “friends.” The covenant was very organizational and institutional. Its purpose, values, and vision were all clearly stated. Everyone signed on the line. Our well-trained leader promised that eight weeks later we would all arrive at a closer walk with God and with one another. Sounded promising and hopeful, so we started. By the third week I had had enough. I did not want to return to share my deepest thoughts. I did not want to give obvious answers to predictable questions from the published small group material. I did not want to play one more icebreaker game. I was not getting closer to anyone. Instead, I was getting angry. This group was expecting more from me than I wanted to deliver. And this group was trying to deliver to me more than I wanted. A church of small groups? Sounded like forced relational hell to me. Others tell of similar experiences.When a friend asked Miguel to help start a men’s small group for the new year, he agreed at once.Through a contact in the hotel business, Miguel found the ideal meeting place and time: Holiday Inn at 6:30 a.m. on the second and fourth Tuesdays.The men would meet for breakfast, pray, read from a study book, and by 7:30 be on their separate ways to work. The group was launched and continued through the spring, summer, fall, and even the winter. Sometimes as few as four gathered, sometimes as many as seven. Every second and fourth Tuesday at 6:30 a.m., often on cold and dark mornings, they met. Through vacations, travel schedules, traffic tie-ups, the group met. As the second summer approached, someone suggested, “Let’s take a breather for a few months.” Everybody agreed.When September arrived, not one person suggested starting again. Common Myths of Belonging Community is a complex creature. Many factors contribute to finding successful community.With the erosion of the geographically close family and the heightened mobility of our culture, many people struggle to learn healthy competencies for community. Schools, service agencies, churches, and other organizations are making a concerted effort to help.Yet several common myths surround the search to belong, myths that dilute and confuse the definitions we employ to describe our journey to connect. More time = more belonging. The first myth is that the greater the amount of time spent in relationship with another person, the more authentic the community will be.This is a pervasive myth. In reality, time has little to do with a person’s ability to experience significant belonging. Many people tell stories of first-time, episodic introductions from which a spontaneous connection emerges. Have you ever said, “I just met you, but it seems like I’ve known you all my life.” Contrast this with Teri’s feelings about Maggie.The two roomed together in college years ago, and ever since have exchanged Christmas cards and the occasional letter. Last summer Maggie invited herself to spend a few days with Teri. When Teri got the phone call, she immediately went to her pastor. “I didn’t like her then,” she groaned. “I put up with her. Her side of the room was always filthy. She’s domineering. I don’t want her to come here.What do I do? We roomed together for four years, but we were never really friends.” Or, for still another perspective, Rose describes an experience at her church: About a month ago a woman named Sandra began attending. She is 56 years old. She came to our group last night. She has zero church background. Four years ago she was alone on a week-long vacation to Mexico.

Customer Reviews

Now possible: guilt-free community development in the church
I've been to countless seminars and read probably dozens of books on small group ministry. For the past couple of decades, we have consistently heard that the right small group programs will grow our church, create fully-devoted Christ-followers, ease the burden on pastors, return us to New Testament Christianity, etc. I've spoken loudly to that effect myself.

Yet as I have tried to implement them, I've found that either it doesn't work as well as advertised or there must be something wrong with me. Sure, there have been many people helped through small groups, but the small groups have also been accompanied by frustrations. Balancing fellowship-vs-study/accountability is always difficult; many people just aren't ready for that level of intimacy and accountability; and it usually isn't the ideal next-step for newcomers. On the other hand, the relationships built there are often very important to people. But now there's a fresh answer to help make some sense of it all.

Joseph Myers' "The Search to Belong" is a timely and refreshing look at what community really is. He explodes some of the myths of belonging that we have often believed. He helps us see, through research and experience, the four different "spaces" of belonging--public, social, personal, and intimate. What's more, he helps us see the value of each space, how relationships are carried on in each space, and how to balance them. Bottom line, people can feel a substantial level of belonging to a church on many different levels. Understanding people's genuine community needs, and working with it and affirming it will get us a lot farther than trying to fit everyone into the "intimacy" mold.

Myers has an inspiring chapter on "Searching for a Front Porch" in which he challenges us to find ways to interact with others in the in-between land of social, neighborly friendships--not "out there" in the public world, but also not "in here" in my private home. The book is probably worth it just for that chapter.

Not only are the principles in "The Search to Belong" applicable to church leadership, but understanding the four spaces of belonging goes a long way toward understanding our other relationships--in our marriage and family, neighborhood, work, etc. Good stuff; worth the read.

Rethinking Small Groups
For several years my library has been littered with books describing how small group ministries are the salvation of the church. Any number of authors use anecdotal and biblical evidence to suggest that inimate small groupings are the ideal for the church, and that churches who want to survive and grow need to spend all their energy on small groups.

Joe Myers, on the other hand, brings years of church experience and thorough research on the nature of community to suggest that the small group movement in Christendom might not be all that it's cracked up to be. With this book, Myers invites questioning on the assumptions of small group ministries, and renergizes other types of ministries as well.

The core of Myer's work is based on the work of Edward T. Hall, who identified four types of social space: public, social, personal, and intimate. Building on Hall's research on the four spaces, Myers suggests that far too much time and energy has been directed on promoting intimate space as the ideal. Rather, churches need to not equate intimacy with significance. Thus, perhaps more efforts need to be directed at appreciating the value of public space, and promoting opportunities for social and personal space.

Focusing on the need for social space, Myers suggests that the loss of the front porch in American society (a primary mediator of social space) has been appropriated and devalued by the church. Myers argues for reclaiming the front porch mentality, which he sees behind the success of Starbucks and other gathering oriented businesses.

However, Myers doesn't only deal with theory. The book is written in a personal, narrative style filled with anecdotes and examples of what Myers is trying to say. His last chapter in particular describes an on-going conversation with a pastor in a local church who uses Myers thoughts as a basis for rethinking the ministries of their church. This chapter offers a practical application of what Myers is trying to say.

My one fear with this book is it's publication as a part of the Emergent/YS line will cause individuals to think that Myers work is limited to ministries in the postmodern setting. Myers book transcends the category of "emerging church," offering great insight for churches of all types, theological backgrounds, and ages.

I don't know how folks from an evangelical, conservative, mega-church background will relate to Myers work. What I do know is that it speaks to this mainline pastor in a medium sized congregation. Myers helps me to regain a sense of balance regarding the types of ministry available in my church. And I believe that his words offer a balance that would be helpful to all.

Small Groups Pastor's Perspective
This book has given meaning and a new understanding to what I experienced in my neighborhood as a child. On summer nights, people lounged the remainder of their day away on their front porches. Others who were taking a walk would stop and linger for conversation. Conversations tended to be light hearted, but sometimes burdens were shared. I loved my neighborhood because I belonged to it. Certain adults knew my name- or at least who I belonged to: "your Bob Klug's son". They talked to me like I mattered and told on me because I mattered. After college I returned to the city. I got to know my neighbors again. When my (parked) car was hit by a drunk driver, three of my neighbors hopped in their cars and chased him. Why did these men take such a risk? I made conversation with them on the side walk, but I did not have a deep or personal relationship with any of them. I think the reason these men were willing to pursue the drunk driver was because we belonged to each other. We knew it could be a dangerous world out there, so we watched out for each other. Through the years, my focus became so small group oriented that somehow I lost the importance of "front porch" communities. This book convincingly makes the case that people have a need to belong in "four spaces": 1) public; 2) social; 3) personal and 4) intimate. At the public and social levels, community "belonging" has fewer expectations and is experienced more easily, but not with as much meaning or spiritual benefit. Though people long for deeper community, many are afraid of it at the same time. We need to give people space, a place where they are comfortable connecting. These large group "spaces" are significant to an effective discipleship strategy when they serve to lead people into "one another" relationships. Jesus had His "Sons of Thunder", twelve, "followers", parties and the multitude. Yet it is clear to me that His focus was on a small group of men... Once people have a sense of belonging to our church, it is more likely that they will walk with us into deeper levels of community. We need to let them taste the sweetness of biblical community. If we keep them connected, with well laid plans and by the power of God we can lead more people to a small group.