Product Description

Carmen Bryan is no stranger to the rap world. Not only did she work at Def Jam and Capitol Records but she shares a daughter with hip-hop superstar Nas -- a relationship made extremely public through Nas's celebrity status, rap lyrics, and the ever-present media. Now, in It's No Secret, a strong, resilient Carmen bares all, telling her side of the story and leaving no detail unturned -- with the true candor and raw emotion of someone who has been there, done that, and survived.

From a clandestine relationship with Nas's biggest rival, Jay-Z, that stirred up the biggest feud in hip-hop history, to seeing her reputation in tatters and a once loving relationship with Nas fall apart, Carmen depicts her trying journey to become the strong woman and mother she is today. After years of turmoil that included drugs, sex, greed, and violence -- and abandoning what she had always prized above all, her freedom -- Carmen took a stand, focusing on herself. After years of pursuit by the media, Carmen sets the record straight in It's No Secret -- and has no regrets.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #450416 in Books
• Published on: 2006-11-28
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Hardcover
• 272 pages

About the Author
Carmen Bryan lives in Long Island, New York, with her daughter.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Prologue

"Carm, is he talking about you?"

Nas's insistent voice penetrated the fog in my head. I must have picked up the ringing telephone in my sleep. Had it awakened our daughter, Destiny, too?

"What?" My bedside clock read midnight. It was 3 A.M. for Nas in New York. Uh-oh. Whatever prompted this call was troubling enough to keep him awake.

"I keep hearing about this Memphis Bleek song with Jay-Z. It's supposed to be about you."

The song was news to me, but at the mention of Shawn's name my heart sank down to my stomach, which tightened into knots. I sat up in bed and tossed aside the silk comforter. With the movement the diamond on my left hand caught a silvery ray of moonlight. I took a deep breath and calmed down. Nas and I were finally getting married. This was no time to panic.

"What song?" I asked, as neutrally as possible.

"'Is That Your Chick.' Carm, it's getting harder and harder for me to ignore the rumors about you and this dude -- "

"They are just rumors, Nas." I put on what I hoped was a persuasively reasonable tone. "People talk. I put up with rumors about who you're supposed to be with all the time. Foxy, Beyoncè, Mary J. Every week they're saying it's someone new. You're just going to have to charge it to the game like I do."

Nas was silent. I could almost hear him balancing it out in his mind. On one side, there was my comforting explanation. A big part of him wanted to believe it. On the other hand, there was the growing weight of his suspicion. Nas wasn't exactly buying my little speech, but he let things drop for the moment. We hung up and I lunged for the bathroom, where I was sick.

Nas was very competitive in that he had two part-time jobs: he spent half his time talking up himself and the other half talking down others. In public, Nas tended to be more low-key and aloof than other entertainers. But at home, he was extremely opinionated and vocal about his peers' artistic efforts. Even if he was cool with someone personally, Nas always had a raw comment about their music. For example: in my opinion, Foxy Brown is the most talented female MC. Most will agree Foxy wears the crown, hands down. Not Nas. "You could just throw a few ingredients in a bowl, stir, and come up with another Foxy," he would rant. He had criticism of just about anyone. He would say Ja Rule was biting DMX's style, or Fat Joe was corny. These reviews always led up to the same point: "There is no real talent out there." The only lyricist Nas considered to be in his league was the late B.I.G. Nas's battle with Jay-Z was as much one of words as of the heart. I'd started seeing Jay finally doing to Nas what he'd been doing to me for years.

Nas and Jay-Z always had this bizarre competition. Nas would make comments to me like, "I don't remember that nigga being no ill drug dealer." In fact no one with any real credibility could confirm Jay-Z's "back in the day" drug dealer/baller status. Exaggeration is standard in the music industry. But according to Nas, Jay-Z had no merit to his claims and not one defender.

"Carm, this nigga Jay is so shallow," Nas would say. "He's a surface MC. He's plastic on stage. That's bad enough. But he doesn't even know what he's talking about. He hasn't done half the shit he's talking about in his rhymes. I don't believe him. Period."

Still, I couldn't imagine what might have motivated this "Is That Your Chick" song. Naturally Shawn would appear on Memphis Bleek's single -- a fellow artist on the Roc-A-Fella label. And the song certainly could have something to do with me. Throughout our clandestine relationship Shawn had made many references to me in his lyrics. But he had never said anything negative or explicit and had never used his relationship with me to taunt Nas.

This was turning into an urban soap opera with me in a leading role as the femme fatale. I had to hear this Memphis Bleek song. After a few calls to friends in New York, I found someone to play the song for me over the phone. It went "How foul is she? And you wifed her" and talked about how he put the condom on "tighter."

At first I thought, Psss . . . I don't know who Shawn's referring to, but he damn sure ain't talking about me! The lyrics were rather racy and described a type of liaison that was the exact opposite of our relationship.

Shawn's disparaging lyrics gave no indication of the solid friendship we'd shared over the years. Not to mention the fact that it took a good year before we even became lovers or that I had recently been pregnant by him -- 'cause he didn't wear a condom at all, let alone tight enough.

After listening to the song, it was evident that the record was designed to take a direct stab at Nas, making me a casualty of this ongoing and highly publicized strife.

I tried to put things in perspective and take it like a hard-nosed realist, but I couldn't feign callousness. Shawn's actions were a complete disappointment. Instead of being hurt, I was enraged. I knew what I had to do before this thing went any further. I had to bring Nas up to speed. It was time to reveal the truth, once and for all.

Throughout the next day, Nas gathered evidence that the song referred to me. That night he called back for another round of questions. As I quietly deflected them, I walked by Destiny's room to make sure she was asleep, then headed downstairs. I walked down the stairs with the cordless phone to my ear, my forehead breaking out into a sweat. My heart was racing, my breathing became heavy and my stomach was in knots. I even said a quick little prayer and turned off all the lights as if darkness provided an escape.

After some anxious pacing between the bathroom and kitchen, I ended up in front of my bathroom mirror, in darkness. My reflection was a vague silhouette, just barely visible. I was so tired of misrepresenting myself, of sneaking out, of lying and denying the truth. Of course, Nas had long done the same thing. It had been a rough and rocky nine years for us. But for all our drama, we were inextricably linked -- we had a daughter and deep, deep history together. I couldn't let Shawn belittle Nas as a man. Nas deserved to have a fighting chance.

"Nas, it's true." My words tumbled out. "The rumors are true. I have been seeing Jay-Z."

"Carm, how could you?" Nas asked in disbelief. "Why that nigga? I can't believe what you're telling me right now."

"Nas, I'm sorry." I choked out my apology as I started to cry. "I am so sorry." I had always thought that when this day finally came I would feel vindicated. For so long I had craved the taste of bittersweet revenge. Nas would finally feel what I had felt over the years. But this was completely different. I felt horrible, not for my actions, but because I had hurt Nas and he was suffering from tremendous heartache. It just wasn't what I'd envisioned.

Nas was unmoved by my sobbing regret. He wanted details. "How long have you been fucking with this dude?"

"It's been a minute," I answered. Even though I'd resolved to tell him everything, it took a while to get my courage up.

"How long is a minute, Carm?"

"Like five years."

"Five years! Five years, Carm? What the fuck is wrong with you? What were you thinking? You mean all this time I been hearing rumors about you and this nigga, brushing them off like, 'Nah, not Carm. She may do her thing but she would never disrespect me like that. . . . Where did you meet this nigga at?"

"We met at a club in the city. It started as a friendship. Was for a year before we slept together."

Nas sucked his teeth. "I don't give a fuck if it took you ten years to sleep with him. You're supposed to be my wife, that shit wasn't supposed to happen, Carm! I don't deserve this. I want to know everything! You ever been to his crib?"

"Yes."

"You ever been to a hotel with him?"

"No. We always hang out at his crib."

"Did you ever take my car to go see this nigga?" I thought to myself, What kind of question is that? But I continued to answer.

"Uh huh."

These intimate details would give Nas enough material to spin some elaborately jealous story lines in his mind. Still, I had to answer the questions to prevent his imagination from getting the best of him. He would drive himself crazy with speculation if he didn't have this chance to grill me.

"Does he hold you at night?"

"Yes."

He hesitated. I realized what he really wanted to ask. Guys may feign disinterest about the matter, but they're all anxious to know: Is he bigger than me? For the moment Nas avoided the size question.

"Did you go down on him?" he asked.

"Once."

"Once, I don't believe that! You're such a fucking slut! I can't believe you sucked that nigga's dick, Carm. Come on, you're gonna tell me you only did it once. You're such a fucking liar."

"It's true. You can ask him."

"What? Ask him? Carm, I'm gonna kill that nigga! I fucking hate you!"

Nas hung up on me. I called back. He just kept screaming through his extensive vocabulary of derogative terms: I was a slut, a whore, a dirty bitch and more. He hung up, but then immediately called back, hoping to find some release in another diatribe. It had the opposite effect: Ranting only sustained his sense of violation, kept his feelings raw. We went back and forth with a few more rounds of confession and condemnation until he finally stopped answering the phone. Nas was done with me for the night. Maybe forever.

I turned on the bathroom light and looked in the mirror, still crying. Tears seemed to be washing away my features, making an anonymous mask of my face. So I had finally confessed to Nas. I looked at myself a little more closely. It was time for me to get real with myself.

I was crying tears of frustration. Shawn had stripped me of the opportunity to divulge our relationship in my own private way. I was mortified that Nas found out in such a public manner. But that's the way it goes down in a love triangle, the unholiest of trinities.

I stared in the mirror until I finally stopped crying, then washed away the residue of my tears. Facing the truth gave me a new clarity. Self-realization smoot...

Customer Reviews

Pathetic Attempt at Speaking Out
I read her Thank Yous before I returned this book to the library. She thanked 50 Cent, the biggest instigator on the planet, for "his inspiration" and "words of wisdom." She also told her brother "I told you I'd be famous" like she did something really motivational for the public. With that in mind, do you still want to read this book?

Pros: I tried very hard to go into this book reading it in an unbiased manner. I'd read all of the opinionated reviews about the book and decided I'd read it anyway, because if it was anywhere near as hilarious as Supahead's book, I was game! Just as I did Supahead's book, I refused to buy it. As soon as the library called me, I went dashing there though and I read this book in less than 24 hours. I will say that I agree with her on one point. If Nas' father preached about how a man and a woman are free to do as they please as long as they aren't married, Nas had no right to be so jealous, especially IF he agreed with his father. The physical fights that the two had made me want to be on her side, and I rooted for Sha Sha for making Bryan finish high school and try to coax her into going to college or doing something with her life. Sha Sha seemed to have it altogether and I admired her mother for trying to get Carmen to go into an independent direction. This book would get 5 stars if I based it on Sha Sha.

Cons: At least in Supahead's book, Supahead realized she did a LOT of wrong things and didn't try to justify them. In Supahead's book, she'd been molested as a child so that had a psychological effect on her. But in Bryan's book, it was just pure 100% stupidity, greed, and immaturity. I have no clue why she felt the need to write this book. I had no opinion about her during the Jay-Z/Nas beef because I like to believe that no one should be judged until their side of the story is told. Unfortunately, she made HERSELF look even worse than the raps did. She admits to lying repeatedly to Nas about her whereabouts, her other men, and even trivial things like understanding slang terms. But she picked ALL THE WRONG TIMES to NOT LIE. When she tried to defend the fact that Jay-Z didn't wear a condom or put it on "tighter," she admitted that she had sex with him when HE was completely inebriated and got on him "quietly." When she tried to attack Kelis' "evil stepmother" antics, she made no attempt to point out that a child should be rid of sucking their thumb anyway, especially as old as Destiny was at the time. When she tried to blame Nas for hitting her, she took glory in snatching his chain, almost blinding him with pepper spray, hitting him, hiding it under a washing machine while rumors spread that he'd been robbed of it, but then running RIGHT back to him because she had no money. When she pointed out at the beginning of the book that she had two part-time jobs so readers were beginning to believe "Hey, maybe she's not in it for the money," 75% of the REST of the book was her getting jewelry, trips, clothes, food, cars, and her hair done from OTHER people's money and NO JOB. She kept on complaining about Nas leaving her "broke and jobless," but whose fault is THAT? It was like she couldn't comprehend the fact that she was grown! Get a j.o.b. She even made a comment about how she'd never fill out fast food applications. This is exactly the type of attitude that makes the government go to other countries for employees: too many broke people with picky ways talking about what they AIN'T going to do instead of trying to live up to their responsibilities.

She kept pointing out very unnecessary details like past boyfriends who had NOTHING to do with the story. Her first four boyfriends were irrelevant to the entire book. It made her look like she was straight off of the Jerry Springer show with the episode on how her and her friends jumped some woman for messing with her friend's man. She mentioned so many friends to the point where I couldn't keep up with any of them, and whoever edited this book could've at least put the names of people in pictures into clockwise order. There were parts of this book that were obviously written out of spite, such as accusing Kelis of needing deodorant and saying that Nas told her Beyonce's breath smelled bad. If she wasn't going through the book pointing out who was average, huge, and well-endowed in the genital area, I'd believe her, but it was just way too spiteful. Coming from someone in high school, I could understand that mindstate, but not a grown woman. I definitely didn't need to know how Jay-Z washes his behind. There was a fine line of writing an autobiography and she just kept on crossing it into Humiliation Zone. I understand that she was salty about both men putting her on blast, but what does one of them being "too conventional" in bed have to do with anything? Honestly, I admire Allen Iverson for high-tailing it out of there before she could talk about HIM too much. Jay-Z obviously prefers classier women because even when Beyonce was (or is?) mad at him, she put out an album that STILL kept it classy, but this lady Carmen Bryan stamped "I am a Hoodrat and Proud of It" all over her forehead.

It bothers me SO much when women take advantage of men, when it comes to money, because when there really is a woman who NEEDS child support and the father REALLY is a deadbeat Dad, the courts look at the parents skeptically. More often than not, it's the mother of the child(ren) who wants money for her OWN lifestyle instead of the child(ren)'s. At the end of the book, she says that Destiny should be able to live the lifestyle that she's used to, but a child is a child. I honestly believe that Destiny would've been just as content with a regular average-priced car. When does a child insist on a BMW? When does a child insist on furs? Kids are MADE to think that way. They don't come out the womb talking about "I need to get my nails done." The mother does! I understand why Kelis didn't want Carmen to come to the wedding, and had no choice but to not invite Destiny. It doesn't take a genius to see she's not nearly mature. Nas trusts his father, and considering Carmen admits that Destiny has not seen her grandfather much, I'd think she'd take that opportunity to let Destiny hang out with him. She didn't seem to be so much worried about Destiny when she was moving back and forth to different states because "she needed a break" about 8,000 times, hopping from hotel room to hotel room, and spending days away with her "friend."

What really bugs me about this book is that there are so many times that she had unprotected sex but felt the need to point out how all three guys were messing around on her. Why would she be surprised that she got an STD, had numerous abortions, and nobody took her seriously? A grown woman has to take HERSELF seriously before anybody else will, and this whole book was extremely juvenile. She tried to justify (like all hoodrats do) that if a man can be promiscuous, a woman should be able to as well, but what these women do not realize is that there's one big HUGE difference between a man and a woman. If a woman ho-hops, she could possibly bring another life into this world and have to CARRY it for 9 months. Why risk something like that? Put a condom on. Close your legs. Find something else to do with your time than chase men with money. I can't believe I'm typing this, but I have more respect for Supahead than I do Carmen. Wow!

A Person Into The Hip-Hop Scene Might Find This Entertaining
Carmen Bryan, best known as Nas' baby mother, has released her long awaited tell all, "It's No Secret-From Nas to Jay-Z, From Seduction To Scandal a Hip-Hop Helen of Troy Tells All." Readers who frequent the Internet know that this book was a long time coming. Buzz about this book circulated on popular hip-hop websites years before anyone had heard about the Karrine Steffans book Confessions of a Video Vixen.

It's No Secret really doesn't have much merit for a reader outside of the hip-hop arena. Those who know and love hip-hop may find this story entertaining to a degree. It's filled with a lot of juvenile relationship drama primarily about Carmen's relationship with Nas, and Jay-Z who is referred to as SC for the majority of the book.

It's hard to not look at Bryant as an opportunist. She met Nas when she was twenty years old. He was a newly signed rapper and still broke for the most part. Obviously old enough to know about birth control Carmen is pregnant three times within their first year of dating. Carmen gives birth to her only child with Nas, Destiny and the rest of the book is basically about the relationship misadventures of young Carmen and Nas.

Their relationship, if you can call it that, rarely seemed to be exclusive. Carmen chalks this up to a conversation her and Nas had with his father Ola Daru early in their relationship. Ola declared that a couple should only be faithful and exclusive if they are married to one another. Carmen details their ups and down's and the financial pitfalls she would find herself in due to Nas' poor business sense or when he decided he was going to cut her off financially.

Career wise, Carmen mentions her brief employment at Rush Communications, Def Jam, and at Capital working for Tracey Waples. However, after the birth of Destiny and the rise of Nas' her career ended for the most part.

As for dirt she mentions brief mutual flirting between her and Puffy and a short fling with Allen Iverson. The rest is all Nas and SC. As for Nas' current wife Kelis, she tries to vilify her as a stepmother but falls short.

The things that Carmen complains about toward the end of the book are really no big deal when you look at single mothers who don't have children by high profile rappers. She complains when Nas stops paying her rent, car note, and child support. Granted, if her story is true, Nas did go about things wrong, but most single mother's only get child support, they don't get 100% lifestyle support as it seems she expected.

There really is no benefit or real growth or empowerment in this book as it thinly aims to proclaim. The first 50 or so pages are about Carmen's early life and honestly those pages could have been left out of the book. There are also a lot of annoying exclamation points used in the book where not really necessary, perhaps to show excitement. What did Carmen learn from all of this? She sums it up in one paragraph, and I'm not exaggerating.

"It's No Secret" is a quick read. There is just so much back and forth and going in circles about her relationship that it makes the reader want to skip pages. There is very little reflection or introspection. There are some nice color photo's of Carmen and Nas included in the book. The bottom line is, if you are a hip-hop fan you may find this book mildly entertaining.

Carmen is pretty delusional about her promiscuity
I never thought I would read this type of book, but after hearing Carmen on the Wendy Williams show, I decided to pick it up.

Wendy obviously has problems with Carmen Bryan as demonstrated by the attitude she had with this young lady on her show. Several times during the interview, Wendy raised her voice with Carmen and expressed her doubts about many of the things Carmen was telling her. Because of this, I didn't think Wendy was giving Carmen the opportunity to discuss certain things that the listeners wanted to hear, so I purchased the book thinking that maybe Carmen's side of the story wasn't so bad afterall... WRONG!

Although Carmen did go through the typical relationship problems that women experience in high profile romances, she had COMPLETE control over whether or not to put herself out there as another industry ho. As readers will find after the first couple of chapters, before she even becomes involved with Nas, she had already set herself up as a trick in her teenaged years.

During one of Carmen's relationships, prior to meeting Nas, she dated a drug dealer from Connecticut whom she moved to Connecticut to be with only to find out shortly afterwards that he would be going to jail. After her boyfriend goes to jail, Carmen forms a close relationship with his close cousin and eventually starts a relationship with him. As readers will see, Carmen is careful to blame the decision to get involved with her man's cousin on the fact that he had some other female(s) visiting him while he was locked up. However, this pattern of hers (blaming others for her promiscuity) continues on in her relationships with Nas, Allen Iverson, Jay-Z, Wood Harrison and others.

What I also found funny was how Carmen makes it sound as if she had NO idea who Naz, Jay-Z or Allen Iverson were when she met them all. She makes it sound as if all of these high profile guys just happened to see a photo of her somewhere and decided to track her down. However, it was obvious to me that the only reason Iverson and Jay-Z even bothered with her was because of the fact that she was Nasir's girlfriend. And as many of us know, going after the girl of a man on top is an ego trip for a lot of men, so it made perfect sense for Iverson and Jay-Z to see if they could get a piece of what Mr. Jones had at home. And like the trick Carmen proves to be throughout the book, she WILLINGLY obliges them all.

The fact that this woman also became pregnant during her relationship with Nas and didn't know who the father was speaks volumes about her character. So while I thought I would sympathetize with her after hearing her on the Wendy Williams show, I now see why Carmen Bryan is no different from Karine Stephans or any other hip-hop groupie. Hanging around with other females who sound like groupies and showing up to every industry party possible does nothing to support Carmen's claims of getting back at Nas either.