 | Stanley 51-941 16-Ounce AntiVibe Curved Claw Forged Steel Head and Handle Hammer
Buy new: $21.45 First things first, those brain cells have got to go.
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 | Wrangler Men's Rugged Wear Relaxed Fit Jean
Buy new: $24.97 - $46.26 Make sure your crack shows often.
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 | Hanes Athletic Shirt - 3-Pack 372
Buy new: $7.50 - $13.97 Casual wear for entertaining dinner guests. Goes well with a bowl of macaroni and matching briefs.
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 | Mr. Beer Premium Edition Home Microbrewery System
Buy new: $36.98 It's no still, but what better way to relate to Toby's lyrics than making your own?
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 | Zhoe Floral Bead Hair Scrunchie
Buy new: $11.00 For when your cousin Sue Anne is going down.
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 | 100 Condoms Variety Pack : CondomMan's Collection of the World's Best Condoms
Buy new: $20.95 For when Sue Anne is ready to go all the way.
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 | Brilliant Cubic Zirconia Engagement and Wedding Rings
Because you used all the condoms for balloon animals.
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 | The Complete Buyer's Guide to Manufactured Homes and Land: How to Find a Reputable Dealer and Negotiate a Fair Price on the Best Kept Secret in American Housing by John Grissim
Buy used from: $11.50 You'll need a bigger place now that your old lady is moving in.
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 | Infant Camo / Camouflage One Piece Bodysuit
Buy new: $9.99 Your baby will need something to wear. Eventually.
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 | Here for the Party by Gretchen Wilson
Buy new: $9.98 / Used from: $0.08 Music to get you in the mood. For yourself.
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 | Divorce for Dummies by John Ventura
Buy used from: $0.04 For when you finally figure out why your second son is black. Don't worry, you'll probably marry her again anyway.
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 | Behind Bars: Surviving Prison by Jeffrey Ian Ross
Buy new: $10.17 / Used from: $4.85 You'll be doing time at some point.
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 | Herpes Simplex - Liddell
Buy new: $13.99 For when you finally give in to your cellmate, but he doesn't tell you everything.
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 | Tribute Direct Satin Walnut
After finding out Toby Keith actually drives a Toyota, your whole life will be meaningless. Drink a case and hang yourself naked.
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 | 2' x 3' Confederate Polyester Flag
Buy new: $5.49 Have this buried with you along with your Klansman robe.
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