Product Description

This serious, no-holds-barred answer to The Rules gives single and divorced men a step-by-step guide for romantic success. Covers everything from how to meet women to making romance happen.

It's the 90s and the rules have all changed. This straightforward guide tells men how to handle this brave new dating world, providing complete step-by-step advice on everything from flirting to courtship, establishing intimacy, and maintaining a relationship.

Intended for single and divorced men who want to enjoy both casual and intimate relationships with the opposite sex, it delivers specific, detailed advice how and where to meet women today, how to talk to them, how to ask a woman out, how to prepare for a date and keep date conversation flowing. Directly addressing intimacy issues it reveals how to be a success romantically, discussing the five keys and five blocks to intimacy and safe sex in the 90s. Men will discover how to know if she's the one, and how to create a relationship for the long term. Copeland and Louis also cover how to know when it's over and how to end a relationship.

Providing clear, no-nonsense solutions for many difficult dating/relationship problems, this is an invaluable source of information and guidance for any man unsure of the ground rules of the new "dating game."

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #30689 in Books
• Published on: 1998-10-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 464 pages

About the Author
David Copeland, gender studies expert, has traveled throughout the nation presenting personal development seminars since 1988. Ron Louis, author of Sexpectations, is press agent for Bioenergetics.

Customer Reviews

Read this AND Iron John
This is a book for men with a sense of humor. Most importantly, it is a book for men who want to get physical with attractive, interesting women. Toward that end, the book is chocked full of outstanding suggestions. But the most two important pieces of manly advice in the book are: 1. draw validation from your own life, not from relationships with women, and 2. seek confident women who draw validation from their own lives--who are not needy. I think this sort of confidence begins with humor and a willingness to see dating for what it is: a game. Many times in order to meet the right woman, the book maintains, a man needs to play the "numbers" game. Meeting, dating, and sharing physical intimacy with a variety of women is a healthy part of a single man's life.

I realize not everyone feels this way. I read the 90 plus reviews and realized that it is a "love it or hate it" book. Understandably so. Most of the book's detractors fall into recognizable categories: men who don't want to be told the obvious (make your car clean & romantic, dress nice); men who have sensitive dispositions; and women who find the book downright offensive.

Many of the men and women who wrote scathing reviews indicated that any man who tries the suggestions in the book is simply an immoral opportunist. I want especially to address this issue. It is never wrong to create a romantic atmospshere on a date. Anyone who thinks otherwise would most likely not make a pleasant date. If your desire is to compliment, to touch a woman both physically and emotionally, then you should do just that, and do what is necessary toward that end.

The books maintains three important things: 1. it makes perfect sense to have a number of romantic possibilities while one is single; 2. it makes sense to choose dates who are creative, warm, and physical; and 3. it makes sense to choose relationships that work. Naturally, when relationships become draining and destructive, they should not continue. One of the finest chapters in the book is "When Babes Attack: Handling Problems Women Cause." The message: it is just as important to know who NOT to date as who TO date. The authors reiterate that it is not a man's responsibility to shoulder a woman's neuroses, bad attitudes, or problems. Their assessment about low, middle, and high maintenance women is right on the mark. And their suggestions on how to keep away from trouble and steer toward pleasant dating experiences makes a great deal of sense to me.

I think the book is self-recommending. I give it five stars without any reservations whatsoever, as have a few dozen other reviewers. Some see the book as something that teaches men how to take advantage of women and form a string of meaningless short-term relationships. This is a joke. I believe strongly that a man who is single should thoroughly enjoy dating until he finds a mate who is on the same page as he is. Sexuality is an important part of this process. This is a book that cherishes sexuality and nurtures an important part of a man's life: being single. If one has trouble enjoying the single life, there stands a possibility that one's ensuing relationships will suffer as a result. This book is about creating romance and being available to women. There are countless numbers of single women who appreciate men who say hello to them, and there are some who don't. The book offers a number of practical suggestions for greeting and dating the winners and steering clear of the losers. It's blunt, simple, and often quite funny.

I strongly recommend another book to go along with this one: Iron John by Robert Bly. I recommend Iron John because it is a book about men and for men. It uses lots of folklore and poetry and makes strong statements about confidence and championing one's own life. It is one of the key books that began the men's movement in American society. And it is further confirmation of the fact that being a man is truly a great thing.

Good - but not for me (a note to disappointed readers)
I think the book can be very good for many people (as other reviews indicate). However, I think the audience for the book isn't 'anyone with male genitals'.

Imagine the CEO of a near-bankruptcy company taking a course on how to increase profits from 50 cents per share to 52. That sums up the experience for me. If your goal is to get a better margin - i.e. get more and better-looking women with minimal effort, I can certainly imagine this book may be of value to you. Buy this book if you want to better your batting average (I may sound critical because I'm jealous, that's all).

The book offers lots of tips (some trivial, some insightful) on how to go about dating a woman so that the romance happens more often and faster. It offers some useful tips on communicating with women in general. It also provides some nice ideas for giving women romantic gifts. And last on the good parts - it's filled with good advice on how to handle problems that arise in your interactions and relationships with women.

So how is it that I didn't find the book useful? Well, the underlying assumption in this book is that your problem is skill, and that all you need is some coaching and practice (like my basketball coach used to say). It advocates the truism that the more women you date, the more women you'll get (like a 3rd grade math book would say). It encourages you to always look your best and be at your best (like everybody says). It suggests that you build up your confidence to get more women (like the Southpark movie said). It suggests that you don't be afraid of rejection and that you get your validation from your life rather than from women (like a really bad therapist would say) . All in all it encourages you to take it easy (like the most annoying of people say). Well, this is all absolutely terrific advice that I have absolutely nothing to do with.

Despite the criticism, I am glad that I bought the book for two reasons: The first - it made me focus on my real problems: my self-esteem and a mild social anxiety disorder. You see, my strongest disagreement with this book is in describing lack of confidence as a stumbling block on your way to a plentiful sex-life. If you lack in confidence, then THIS is your problem, and my advice to you is to try and fix IT. As someone who's raised his self-esteem and self-confidence significantly, I can tell you that even if there were no women on this planet, it would still be worth it. I've only started working on my social anxiety but I'm CONFIDENT that I can fix it too.

The second reason - I truly believe and hope that soon I'll consider my batting average a real problem in my life, and then I'll find use for this book. Until then it rests on my shelf.

I'm writing this review based on an educated guess that I cannot really base that most people considering buying this book have some problem or another that probably has nothing to do with women. Maybe it's self-esteem, maybe it's social-phobia or maybe it's something else entirely. Different people - different problems. My point is that you better direct your efforts at finding out what your problem is before buying this book, and try to fix it. If your problem isn't dating skills, buying this book will most likely increase your frustration and disappoint you. When you're ready for it, if you still feel like you need it, go ahead and buy it.

Useful and easy to apply
At 28 years old and never married it is time for a change. I decided last year that I want to be married before I turn 30 (in a year and half). I am an average looking guy living in New York and have worked on Wall Street for four years, doing alright. I am different than most of the guys posting on here, I am looking to get married. I want the long term commitment, not just getting my rocks off.

I've dated, used personals ads, joined dating services, etc., none of that stuff worked for me. I've read books by other authors and people like Tony Robbins, John Gray and others, and that stuff was useful, but it didn't get me a woman. But when I read How to Succeed With Women it was a turning point for me. Now, I was really ready for it; like the old expression the teacher comes when the student is ready. I was prepared and ready to go; ready for a Yoda to enter my life.

Anyway, I have used this book for six months of hard core flirting and dating and searching for the right women. I have used the Louis and Copeland "method" every step along the way. I have dated well over 25 women in my search for a potential mate and now I think I've found her. Now, I don't want to make this search look easy or infer that this book is the bible, because its not. But what was useful was the plan that the authors set forth. What was useful were the stages of relationships and how they develop. It was useful to learn how to keep a long term relationship last and keep it passionate over time. The authors could have written a bit more on this topic in my opinion. But what they did explain and expond upon was really useful.

So, I've learned a tremendous amount from this book that's been applicable in all areas of my life. I am happier since working with their program and have been successful with women more than ever before. Hopefully now I have found someone to settle down with and the search will be over.