Essays from the perspective of non-biological parents

---

Product Description

After author Harlyn Aizley gave birth to her daughter, she watched in unanticipated horror as her partner scooped up the baby and said, "I'm your new mommy!" While they both had worked to find the perfect sperm donor, Aizley had spent nine months carrying the baby and hours in labor, so how could her partner claim to be their child's mommy?

Many diapers later, Aizley began to appreciate the complexity of her partner's new role as the other mother. Together, they searched for stories about families like their own, in which a woman has chosen to forgo her own birth experience so that she might support her partner in hers. They found very few. Now, in Confessions of the Other Mother, Aizley has put together an exciting collection of personal stories by women like her partner who are creating new parenting roles, redefining motherhood, and reshaping our view of two-parent families. Contributors include Hillary Goodridge, who was one of the lead plaintiffs in the case for same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, stand-up comedian Judy Gold, and psychologist and author Suzanne M. Johnson

This candid peek into a previously unexamined side of lesbian parenting is full of stories that are sometimes humorous, sometimes moving, but at all times celebratory. Each parenting tale sheds light on the many facets of motherhood, offering gay and straight readers alike a deeper understanding of what it means to love and parent in the twenty-first century.

Harlyn Aizley is the author of Buying Dad: One Woman's Search for the Perfect Sperm Donor. Her work has appeared in national journals, magazines, and anthologies and has aired on public radio stations nationwide. Aizley resides in the Boston area with her family, where she works as a writer and teacher.

---

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #171046 in Books
• Published on: 2006-05-15
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 170 pages

From Publishers Weekly
More than 15 years into the lesbian baby boom, Aizley's collection of first-person accounts by nonbiological lesbian mothers is a long time coming. Nonlegalistic and (mostly) nonharrowing, these tales are only tangentially about powers of attorney, two-parent adoption, and custody battles, instead illumining what it is to be mom and not-mom at the same time. Some pieces explore the feelings of envy and loss of would-be but infertile mothers learning to accept their easily pregnant partners. Others examine the "lesbian daddy" role, as in Polly Pagenhart's exceptional "Confessions of a Lesbian Dad"; and the lesbian stepmom role, like CNN reporter Mary Cardaras's "Family of the Heart." The most moving essay, "And You Are?" by Hillary Goodridge, describes the peril of being the other mother who is a legal and familial cipher, unrecognizable as "real" family to either partner or child in the eyes of anyone but them. These essays explain what it is to be biologically estranged from your spouse and child(ren) and the daily struggle for approval and acceptance that these women face in society and sometimes even in their own homes and hearts. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist
What of the "other" mother, the one who provides loving maternal care and some or all material support but hasn't gestated or given birth to the child? The contributors to this book of answers to that question don't shy away from "other" moms' jealousy for the "flesh-on-flesh, boundaryless nurturing" of the breastfeeding bond; the ambivalence of being 40-plus and hitherto "too busy healing my inner child to have my own kids"; or such wrenching experiences as a disharmonious split with a mentally ill partner who wouldn't allow visiting privileges, let alone partial custody ("even when it became clear my ex could no longer parent[,] . . . I didn't have a chance because I was a biological stranger in the eyes of the court"). Editor and biological mom Aizley's representative selection of the voices of those who, to the usual maternal trials and tribulations, add the difficult, revolutionary task of creating and defining unusual roles within and outside of their homes constitutes a valuable addition to the gay studies and women's issues shelves. Whitney Scott
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Review
Review By: Jill Soloway, writer/co-executive producer of Six Feet Under - March 28, 2006 "Confessions of the Other Mother brings together hilarious, heart-wrenching, painfully honest tales of mommyhood. Not just for mothers or other mothers-- but for anyone who has felt like an outsider at the playground. Funny, warm, sad, beautiful-- and even sexy-- the book is not only from the heart, but for the heart." Review By: Christie Mellor, author of The Three-Martini Playdate - March 28, 2006 "The essays in Confessions of the Other Mother are alternately fascinating, insightful, hilarious, touching and goofy, and all a testament to what a universal thing it is to be a parent. I love the Babas and the Bobbies and the mommies and the mommas, they are all the sweetest and the strongest, as women and writers, and show us, in a very entertaining fashion, that we are all in the same boat." Review By: Rachel Pepper, author of The Ultimate Guide to Pregnancy for Lesbians "Given how many lesbians are conceiving children together, this collection of narratives by non-biological mothers will fill a much-needed place in the queer parenting canon."

---

Customer Reviews

Great for "other mothers" out there...
Very easy to read. Nice glimpses of a variety of moms (and babas) and how they fit in their roles and how families come together to make it work. As a future "other mom," I found this really helpful and validating.

The other mother needs to read these!
We have read them together and it was helpful to start discussions about some of our fears for our family!

Not Just For The Other Mother!
As the biological lesbian mom, reading this book; as our little boy still squirms around in my belly, has helped prepare me/us for some of the other issues or concerns we may face as a lesbian couple preparing to raise a child. It has been a wonderful tool for my partner and me to discuss topics and concerns that we hadn't yet thought of. It has also given me a new perspective and sensitivity to the issues she may be faced with as the other mother.

I especially enjoyed the variety in authors. Each chapter takes on a whole new personality, making it very diverse and quite entertaining. Each story is so well written and articulate, not to mention funny, heartbreaking, and touching.

A great read for anyone who is looking to be entertained and enlightened.