Product Description

I n this edition of his parenting classic, Michael Gurian considers how the culture has changed in the ten years since The Wonder of Boys was first published, including the impact of the Internet.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #31834 in Books
• Published on: 2006-09-07
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 320 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9781585425280
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
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Amazon.com Review
In the thoughtful and provocative The Wonder of Boys: What Parents, Mentors, and Educators Can Do to Shape Boys into Exceptional Men, therapist and educator Michael Gurian takes a close look at modern boyhood. Gurian asserts that the biological and neurological differences between boys and girls need to be accounted for and nourished in order to raise healthy, happy boys. In discussing boy culture--and the roles of competition, aggression, and physical risk taking--the author concludes, "It's not boy culture that's inherently flawed; it's the way we manage it." If the natural, testosterone-based impulses of boys are squelched or ignored, Gurian posits, such biological truths may find their way to the surface in other, more negative behaviors. He suggests that boys do best when they are part of a "tribe," three families that include: a birth or adoptive family; an extended family of friends, teachers, peers, and mentors; and the "family" of outside culture, media, religious institutions, and community figures. The Wonder of Boys offers advice on how to understand and build strong father/son and mother/son relationships, stresses the importance of healthy discipline, and suggests methods of teaching boys about sex, relationships, and spirituality. Parents and teachers of boys will find this book to be an insightful read. --Ericka Lutz

From Publishers Weekly
Yes, boys and girls are different, says Washington state family therapist Gurian (Mothers, Sons and Lovers), urging that society learn how to deal creatively with gender-specific needs. In considering the cultural effects of heightened gender consciousness, Gurian warns of the dangers of "enmeshing male development with a female culture in transition." Outlining biological differences, he explains that boys are "hard-wired" to possess certain traits. Because of male brain chemistry and the hormone testosterone, boys are apt, for example, to relish risk-taking and to be physically aggressive and competitive (violence, he claims is not hard-wired, but learned through culture). What Gurian adds to this generally recognized background material is a persuasive summons to society, specifically parents, educators and communities, to unite to channel these traits in positive directions. Sports, for instance, allow competition but also teach responsibility. Work, nature study, music and spiritual pursuits are other positive channels. Gurian, who has also lived in Europe, Asia and the Middle East, suggests that we in the U.S. have grown away from beneficial rites of passage?and toward "isolated, tremulous, family systems." In this shift, he contends, boys have been abandoned, and he urges that society reclaim responsibility for the moral and spiritual upbringing of young males, with guidance offered by elder mentors and support coming from extended family or community. Writing in a calm, compassionate voice, Gurian delivers a compelling call to action. 50,000 first printing; author tour.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From Library Journal
Family therapist Gurian (Mothers, Sons, and Lovers, LJ 12/93) offers a sweeping look at what makes boys and men act the way they do. He begins by thoroughly defining gender differences. Citing the strong push to hunt and reproduce, he argues that men need to compete and do combat and that society must accommodate these needs more productively. A boy needs a tribe, says Gurian, and not one but three families (birth or adoptive parents, extended families, and culture/community) are required to help him become a healthy man. Also, Gurian stresses discipline, spiritual principles, and "husbandry," which he defines as "generating and maintaining stable relationships with self, family, community, culture, and earth." All told, there is much to ponder and much to challenge readers here. On the other hand, Jungian analyst Rutter (Woman Changing Woman, LJ 7/93) begins with a large chip on her shoulder, whining from the start that girls are subjected to unbelievable pressures that diminish their self-esteem. Though she seeks to "celebrate" womanhood, the result is the opposite?the tone turns ever inward, focusing almost solely on issues of self-worth. Rutter praises rites of passage, coming-of-age ceremonies, and informal rituals (e.g., sharing a candlelit bath with your daughter, buying a first bra together) as the keys to enhancing self-esteem. She also recommends books and films that she feels reproduce positive images for women, including Thelma and Louise. Ultimately, however, what Rutter seems to be doing is turning mothers and daughters into members of a self-absorbed "me" generation. Not recommended.?Linda Beck, Indian Valley P.L., Telford, Pa.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Customer Reviews

'Boys and Girls are different' is a dangerous idea?
Some time ago I read this book and found it to be incredibly insightful. Not only did it help me understand my sons better, but I also came to understand myself better as well. I so enjoyed it that I came back to this review page recently to find suggestions of other books of this type. I was shocked to see that the rating had dropped precipitously since I'd first read it, brought down by a batch of scathing reviews. I noticed that they all sounded strangely the same - using hyperbolic, if not hyperventilating rhetoric, nearly all of them charging the book with "misogyny". As if championing the role of a father in a boy's life is somehow "woman-hating." Or suggesting that boys will be boys, so why don't we channel their natural aggression into positive activities is "dangerous". Naturally, most of these attackers did not cite examples (those who rely on name-calling and invective rather than reasoned thought never do.) There was one exception, though she completely misrepresented the author's point. I hope those of you considering this book are guided more by the reviews that actually discuss the ideas in the book, rather than those reviews poisoned by political agenda. This is an important book well worth your consideration.

Moms need not take offense...
Gurian has done an astoundingly thorough job in addressing the issues many of us face in raising boys today. I have read other books about raising boys, including other books by Gurian (also good), but this one by far is the most comprehensive, thoughtfully put together book I've ever read. I think that anyone who is thoughtful about raising sons and committed to doing the best job possible should take a good look at this book and give serious consideration to his ideas.

Gurian admits in this book that he does not have all the answers and is constantly working to refine his suggestions. I love what he has done and how he has done it, by actually talking with many families and kids around the world, and using this information, along with neuroscience, and his rich cultural background and education to formulate these suggestions.

The book is based on the unique testosterone driven neurological needs if males. It explains this in detail and how to best support a boy's development and channel a boy's natural aggression into a positive and constructive way of life through out the different stages of development. If you do not believe in the idea of "testosterone driven neurological needs" of boys, then this book may not be for you. But there have been many studies done that have shown the differences in male and female brains and much experiential evidence that there are differences. Any teacher and parent I have asked who has both sons and daughters attests to these differences. Again, if you are a parent of boys and committed to doing the best job you can, this book deserves a sincere look, and these ideas, serious consideration.

I do see this book as a passionate advocate for boys and maleness, but NOT as male over female promoting. Near the beginning of the book, it strives to dispell the common impression that girls are the ones in crisis by comparing staticstics about girls to those of boys. But the intent I got from it is the presentation of a reality check about the state of our boys, and a plea for change because of the crisis we have on our hands of delinquent boys. But, if I could change one thing about the book, it would be how this plea is presented - fewer comparisons to girls. I think the statistics for boys are revealing enough on their own.

Yes, it does point out how mothers, society, and even fathers and other males can and do unwittingly harm boys' development, but I did not take offense to this because I see this book as a very practical, caring, and passionate guide to raising boys. If read in its entirety, readers would see that Gurian SUPPORTS mothers, holds them in the highest esteem, and sincerely calls for increased respect and support for mothers from family and society.

Some reviewers have pointed out that he does little to promote the intact family. He does mention this to be the ideal case in most circumstances. But he is also saying that in the absence of this ideal situation, or in the absence of extended family being available, here is how to try to mitigate some of the inherent risks associated with those scenarios. Even if the ideal situation does exist, here are the components that should be present to help you raise your son.

I am a single mom of fraternal twin boys about to turn fourteen. For us, most of what Mr. Gurian is saying in this book rings very true so far. My sons have naturally gravitated toward the activities (i.e., constantly challenging themselves, striving to improve skills), a rich family life, (i.e., Gurian's second and third families, the "tribe"), and many male mentors suggested by Gurian. Currently, they are very, very successful despite the fact that I am a struggling single mom. They have many accomplishments, are well rounded, have great discipline, and have a very bright future ahead of them. This book has helped me navigate some territories unknown to me in raising my sons, and has validated other guiding methods I've used before reading the book. It has helped me correct some of my mistakes, think through some tough choices, and I will continue to refer to it. I think it's one of the best books, if not THE best book out there on raising boys!

The very best book about boys on the market.
This is a well balanced and important book about boys. In fact, considering the violence that our society's boys are acting out, this is the only book on the market that really explains how we can help boys to become healthy in all ways. I found Pollack's book to be the same-old, tired tirade about how we should just let boys cry, but frankly that is a one-note argument (not to mention 20 years out of date). I find it astonishing that so many people deny the role of biology in our behavior, as if testosterone had no effect on boys. Please, can we get over the politically correct arguments of old and understand that it is both nurture AND nature? This is the only book that seems to support this. Besides, the biology part of this book is only one aspect (a fact lost on some of these other readers, making me wonder if they really read this book or are just ignoring the wisdom found in this book because it doesn't echo their tired arguments?). And despite some suspiciously well-planted Pollack-positive comments here, Gurian gives a well-balanced and inclusive look at all of the ways that we can support our boys. Instead of making it an either-or argument, read them all and make up your own mind.