Product Description

'Must reading for the thousands of people struggling with the pain of infertility.' -Christiane Northrup, M.D., New York Times bestselling author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom Over six million Americans a year struggle with the costs-physi-cal, financial, and emotional-of infertility. Now, three psycho-lo-gists who have faced infertility themselves show couples how to: - Reduce their sense of helplessness and isolation - Identify their mates' coping styles to erase unfair expectations - Listen to their 'unsung lullabies'-their conscious and unconscious dreams about having a family-to mourn the losses of infertility and move on. Ground-breaking, wise, and compassionate, Unsung Lullabies is a necessary companion for anyone coping with infertility.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #224492 in Books
• Published on: 2005-06-01
• Released on: 2005-05-12
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 304 pages

From Publishers Weekly
This empathetic self-help book argues that when couples find out that they can't have a baby, they're inflicted with an "unacknowledged trauma that leaves them feeling not only frustrated and angry, but sad, frightened, confused, guilty, overwhelmed and out of control." Having found little support for their own struggles with infertility trauma, Jaffe and the Diamonds (all clinical psychologists) co-founded The Center for Reproductive Psychology in San Diego, Calif. Here they sympathetically cover the core psychological issues of the matter, including the initial shock and denial, the persistent feelings of not being "healthy" or "normal," the relationship problems, the loss of sexual privacy, the grief and the belief that you're not really an adult until you have a child. Using their own and their patients' experiences, the authors offer many approaches to these problems: journaling, talking about infertility with your partner, practicing rituals to validate the losses, incorporating structure into your daily life and seeking out support groups and therapy. But the most important step, they say, is to recognize infertility for the trauma that it is. "Your losses are real," they explain. "Infertility does not merely represent a recent failed pregnancy, but a whole lifetime of dreams, hopes and plans that have gone horribly awry." One in ten adults of reproductive age is affected by infertility. For them, and for the friends and professionals who want to help them, this book provides compassionate insight into infertility's often unacknowledged ramifications.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review
If you are looking for a good book to recommend to both patients and colleagues, then I suggest Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility written by Janet Jaffe, Ph.D., Martha O. Diamond, Ph.D., and David J. Diamond, Ph.D. It is a thoughtful and compassionate integration of both the authors' personal insights from their own infertility experiences and the stories of their patients.

The book begins by stating that its evolution was a personal mission of sorts, given that the authors all endured their own struggles with infertility. These three clinical psychologists are the founders of the Center for Reproductive Psychology in San Diego. They have collaborated on a book that explores the tremendous sense of loss experienced by those struggling with infertility, as well as a wide range of coping strategies. The authors utilize the format of introducing many personal stories and insights from both patients and professionals alike.

At the core of the book is the concept of the "Reproductive Story". The writers use this explanation to illustrate the deeply ingrained conscious (and unconscious) ways in which we think about what parenthood will be like. They have written about the many factors that contribute to one's reproductive story, and what the fallout can be when the story does not turn out the way it was intended to. It is through the use of this concept that the authors introduce different styles of intervention. Coping strategies are all aimed at being able to recognize and acknowledge the importance of the reproductive story as it relates to one's self-concept. Additionally, the book fully explores the emotional fallout many couples experience when they are faced with the possibility that they will need to consider a different outcome than the one on which they were depending. The authors share their own reproductive stories and how these stories shaped their own personal struggles with infertility. It is a useful concept for mental health professionals to incorporate into their discussions with patients, as well as helpful for patients struggling to find a framework in which to process their pain.

The authors also seek to examine the many painful feelings and questions that arise when patients attempt to move forward towards a resolution. The primary theme of the second part of the book is loss. Although this can be a common theme for mental health professionals who work with infertility patients, the book provides a very broad overview of the many ways in which loss can be experienced and the profound impact it can have on one's core sense of self. The book specifically addresses men's issues with a chapter entitled, "Men Have Feelings, Too" which will be helpful to couples who are struggling with ways to communicate and/or share their pain. The section addresses the strain often felt by couples in relationships where infertility threatens the well-being of the couple. Again, there are personal testimonies, as well as a discussion of coping strategies.

One section of the book is devoted to the theme of grief. It is this particular section that led me to initially recommend the book to a patient of mine. I have found that it is sometimes surprising to patients to have what they are experiencing framed as a grieving process, but that it offers a new way to conceptualize the pain. It can also allow an opportunity to give oneself permission both to grieve and not feel guilty for doing so. This section of the book does a great job of introducing the ways in which grief manifests itself and also the ways with which it can be dealt. Again, there are a lot of personal narratives that give a larger perspective to the range of experiences that people can have.

Lastly, the book addresses the idea of "rewriting" the reproductive story. The authors acknowledge that there can be many different endings to one's story and many forks in the road. The book addresses the wide range of emotional and spiritual considerations involved in the decisions that couples often must make. The ultimate goal of this section is to highlight the idea that there are many potential outcomes and that it is possible to move past the pain.

One aspect of this book that I think is terrific is that it is written by mental health professionals who clearly have used their personal experiences to enrich their clinical expertise rather than to stand in the way of it. I think it is a particularly good model of how any personal experience can be processed and channeled in ways that make one a more effective clinician. This goes for any personal experience, not just that of infertility.

I have already recommended this book to several patients. I often see patients in consultation where it is unlikely that I will have an opportunity to work with them for an extended period of time. Sometimes, there are things left unsaid, given the nature of this particular type of therapeutic relationship. I have felt like this book allows me to continue the conversation, in that I may have introduced the idea of loss and grief, but may not have the opportunity to help the patient process these emotions.

I also recommend this book for mental health professionals. I have personally found it helpful and have received positive feedback from some of my patients. The book is well organized and comprehensive in its approach. Very often I encourage patients to seek out others who have experienced infertility so that the journey might be less lonely. It is nice to have a resource that gives a voice to many personal experiences for those patients unable or unwilling to seek out support in other ways. In my opinion, this book offers real life advice and coping strategies from a number of people who know first hand what the pain of infertility can be. -- Mary P. Riddle, Ph.D., American Society for Reproductive Medicine, Mental Health Professional Group, Spring 2007

Review

Customer Reviews

A must have. . .
Out of all the fertility "help" books, this was our favorite. Not only was it informative but it helped us to feel 'normal' amidst a trying process. In fact we loved this book so much that we bought one for each of our parents. It's another tool to help educate them about the trauma we've experienced for over three years.

Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility
I can't say enough good things about this book. For several years,I have had problems mourning and moving past my infertility. This book helped me finally move on from the hurt and disappointment because it helped me realize that lots of other people feel the same pain and anger when they struggle with infertility. It made me realize that I am NORMAL and infertility is a devastating thing that should not be taken lightly. I feel so much better having read this book.

Helpful
Bought for my daughter who is experiencing the awful pain of infertility and failed IVF. She read it twice and I am reading it now to catch up. The authors have been through the same, which was important to my daughter. They speak with love, compassion, professionalism and authority on the subject.