Product Description

When a soccer field complex springs to life seemingly overnight in the sleepy community of Skary, Indiana, and the local coffee shop begins offering computer access along with its suddenly overpriced beverages, goosebumps start popping up all over town. Has soccer mom Katelyn Downey hatched a diabolic plot to turn their slow-paced town into a den of hip suburban iniquity–or is this the perfect solution to the community’s financial woes?

Even as concerned residents take sides over their town’s future, many are dealing with changes of a more personal nature. Novelist Wolfe Boone can’t seem to find the right niche for his post­—horror writing efforts, and his new bride Ainsley–known for executing complicated events with penache and perfection–is bewildered by her inability to control something as seemingly simple as scheduling a pregnancy. Frustration turns to envy when her wacky friend Melb discovers, to her utter terror, that she and husband Oliver are expecting a baby.

Through its quirky characters and winsome humor, Boo Hiss offers unexpected insights into the various ways people respond to change and demonstrates that growth often occurs amid the most difficult–and hilarious–circumstances.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #617073 in Books
• Published on: 2005-09-20
• Released on: 2005-09-20
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 352 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9781400071432
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
• Click here to view our Condition Guide and Shipping Prices

Review
"Boo reads like a good old-fashioned Frank Capra film." -- Christian Science Review

"The hilarious plot of Rene Gutteridge's latest offereing will hold the reader's attenion from start to finish." -- Romantic Times

About the Author
Rene Gutteridge is the author of five novels, including Boo, Boo Who, Ghost Writer and Troubled Waters. Trained as a screenwriter, she also has been published extensively as a playwright. She graduated Magna Cum Laude from Oklahoma City University and served as director of drama for First United Methodist Church in Oklahoma City for five years. Now a full-time writer, Rene lives with her husband, Sean, and their two children in Oklahoma City.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter 1
“ALL RIGHT FOLKS, let’s calm down.” Mayor Wullisworth looked like he was patting the air as he tried to get everybody to sit down in the crowded community center. Martin Blarty stood a few feet away, attempting to take a pulse on why this crowd was so agitated.

It was a soccer field, for pete’s sake. Sure, it was a little mysterious, but it wasn’t like it was a crop circle or anything. And they’d had their share of those, until 1984, when a farmer named Bill Dunn had confessed to the prank, though he claimed he’d been possessed by alien serum when he’d done it. Rumors flew when Bill disappeared one night, leaving an empty farmhouse and all his belongings behind.

Turned out he was in Vegas, but it did make for some good headlines for a while.

“Where did it come from?” The woman’s desperate and dramatic voice hushed the crowd and everyone looked at the mayor.

Martin bit his lip. The mayor was known for his inability to mock concern or compassion, especially for those he called EGRs, or Extra Grace Required. Martin had dealt with the town’s EGRs for years, decades, and sometimes even generations. Martin’s attempt to coach the mayor on how to respond to questions that lacked sensibility had finally taught him that it was really the mayor who lacked sensibility, so Martin just let it drop.

“Well,” the mayor began, “we’ve just learned that the government has a top secret military plan to take over the country via soccer fields.”

Grumbling ensued.

Martin slid up next to the mayor and turned the mike away from him. “What the mayor is trying to say is that though we don’t know why this soccer field has seemingly popped up in Skary overnight, we’re sure there is a reasonable explanation for it.”

“What could be a reasonable explanation?” a man asked. “We don’t even have a soccer team.”

True. “Listen, we’re going to find out why the soccer field is there, folks. It may just take some time. But rest assured, it’s nothing to panic about.”

He could remember one other occasion when the town got up in arms like this, when they decided to change a street name. A century ago, someone had mistakenly named two streets in Skary Maple Street. One was on the west end, one on the east. It never confused the residents of Skary because what you were talking about determined which Maple Street you meant. You never used West Maple if you were going to the grocery store. You never used East Maple if you needed your car repaired.

But back when they were a tourist town, some tourists would get confused. One man ranted, “This is worse than Atlanta and their Peachtree Street fiasco!” The man was also irritated that they didn’t give tours of Wolfe Boone’s home, so Martin had disregarded it as misplaced
anger. But, he decided, there was no reason why they couldn’t give one of the Maple streets a new name.

No reason at all, except for the fact that the town nearly rioted over it, and nobody who lived near one of the Maple streets wanted it changed. So the two Maple streets remained, and everyone was happy.

“It came overnight,” Mr. Runderfeld said with a grunt, clacking his cane against the floor. “I drove by there the day before, and that soccer field wasn’t there. The next morning, it was. You got a fancy explanation for that?”

Martin stepped on the mayor’s foot, a sign he would be doing the rest of the answering. “I’m sure there is a good explanation, Mr. Runderfeld. Maybe the person who owns the land wanted a soccer field.”

“Who owns the land?” someone shouted.

“I’ll look that up in the records, and we’ll figure this out. But folks, let’s just rest assured that there is nothing strange going on, all right? It’s true we’ve never had a soccer complex or anything close to it in our town before, but there’s no reason for alarm. Now if a nuclear testing site popped up overnight, that would be cause for alarm.” Nobody else was laughing, and Martin’s chuckle faded. “Anyway, I’m sure there’s other business to address here today.” He looked into the crowd. “Anybody have any other concerns?”

Silent glaring answered. Then, at the back of the room, he saw someone raise a hand. “Yes?”

A teenaged boy with curly, greasy, unkempt hair mumbled something that nobody could understand.

“Could you speak up, please?” Martin asked.

The kid nodded, but went back to mumbling, this time adding gestures.

Martin waved him up front. “Why don’t you step behind the microphone so we can all hear you?”

With a slump worthy of osteoporosis, the kid padded his way up to the front of the room. Half an eye was showing when he faced the crowd. Martin recognized him as the kid that worked at the bookstore.

“Hey,” the kid said like he was waving to his surfer buddies. A couple of toastmaster sessions might do him some good. “I’m Dustin, and I’ve lost my pet.”

“Great!” Martin enthused. This was exactly the kind of thing community meetings were meant for, and a perfect distraction for the crowd, as the citizens of Skary were always suckers for lost pets. “Why don’t you tell us about your pet. Give us a description, and I’m sure somebody will be able to help.”

“Well, it’s sort of brown and black, I guess. A little yellow mixed in. With black eyes.”
Martin glanced at the crowd. By the “oohs” and “aahs,” he could tell they were already starting to forget about the soccer field.

“What kind of breed is it, young lad?” Mr. Runderfeld asked.

Dustin’s sulky face lit up with pride. He scooted his hair out of his eyes. “It’s a rosy!”

“Is that a kind of Chihuahua?” someone asked.

“Boa,” Dustin said.

“Boa?”

“Constrictor.”

The room was so quiet, Martin could hear the water heater hissing behind the wall. “Dustin, I’m sorry. I think there’s some confusion here.

Are you saying you lost a…a…”

“Snake.”

Someone screamed in the back of the room.

Dustin looked surprised. “Oh, please, don’t be afraid. Boa constrictors are not dangerous.”

Martin needed to get this situation under control quickly. He stretched a grin across his face and said, “Well, Dustin, we’d be more than happy to help you find your pet. What is your cute little pet’s name?”

“Bob.”

“Bob. Okay. Bob.”

“Well, it’s kind of confusing. You can call him Bob, and that’s totally fine. But Bob is kind of special.”

Martin could hardly find the words to ask what made Bob the snake special, but he managed a weak, “Why?”

“Well, Bob has two heads.”

Another scream.

Martin felt himself grow pale along with the three already pasty looking old ladies sitting on the front row, but he kept the grin tight on his face. “Two heads?”

“Yeah. He’s a two-headed snake. A bicephalic. Pretty rare, actually.
See, Bob is the more dominant of the twins. His brother’s name is Fred.”
“Bob…and Fred.”

“Yeah. They’re like Siamese twins. They share a body, and have separate necks, and two separate heads. I’ve had them since they were babies.”

A trickle of sweat rolling down Martin’s temple beckoned a subject change back to the soccer field. He looked out at the startled crowd. A woman on the third row had fainted.

“Okay,” Martin said in a shaky voice, “so what we’ve got here is a lost snake…snakes, I mean…well, one snake, two heads…anyway, a snake that goes by the names Bob and Fred. A harmless snake, I might add, right, Dustin?”

“Yeah. Totally harmless.”

“So, Dustin, I guess we should probably be…aware…when we take
out the trash or move some brush, as that is probably where it’s going to turn up, right?”

“Well, you would think. But actually, Bob and Fred are really domesticated. Spoiled, if you ask me.” He snickered.

“What does that mean?”

“Well, you’re not going to find Bob and Fred out and about like other snakes, under a rock or something. They’ve gotten used to being inside, and they especially like carpet and things like comforters and pillows. I’m sure they’re going to turn up soon because they can’t stand to be outside much. The only tough thing is that they’re probably only going to appear at night because they’re nocturnal.”

Martin could actually hear someone crying. Dustin was completely oblivious. He addressed the crowd, suddenly very comfortable with the mike.

“And listen, if you do find Bob and Fred, they’re probably going to be very hungry. They really have very healthy appetites. So if you can’t get ahold of me, I’d go ahead and feed them. Any sort of rodent is fine. They’re not into gourmet mice or anything.” Dustin was amusing the daylights out of himself with his jokes. “Anyway, please, please, if you feed them, follow my instructions very carefully.”

The room grew still. Dustin relished the attention.

“When you feed them, you must place a piece of cardboard or something between them while they’re eating. Bob is the much more dominant of the two, and if you don’t put somethin...

Customer Reviews

COME BACK TO SKARY!
Run straight to the bookshelf and pick up this book. (And if you haven't read its cousins be sure to read BOO and BOO WHO.)
You will be delighted with the fun small time eccentricities and the charming humor that Ms. Gutteridge brings to this small town. A must for your fall reading list!

Humorous, whimsical, and imaginative
Get ready to chuckle --- a lot --- as Rene Gutteridge spins her tongue-firmly-in-cheek, humorous tale of small town life in BOO HISS, her third book in an informal series.

In BOO, Gutteridge introduced us to the quirky town of Skary, Indiana. The small town's economic life revolves around famous bestselling horror novelist Wolfe Boone --- or "Boo" --- from the Haunted Mansion restaurant to Spooky's Bookstore. When Wolfe becomes a Christian and chooses to quit writing horror novels, his decision turns the town upside down. In BOO HOO, the little town of Skary is on the edge of bankruptcy, Wolfe has become a car salesman, and his fiancée, Ainsley Parker, is on track to become the next Martha Stewart.

If you haven't read Gutteridge's earlier works, put this book down and read them in order. Although it's not impossible to read this as a stand-alone novel, you'll enjoy it more with some background.

Now, the town has gone "from famous to obscure to a magnet for all things suburban." BOO HISS picks up the story as a two-headed rosy boa named Bob and Fred is on the loose in Skary. (Just for you skeptics, two-headed snakes are possible, though a rarity). The characters juggle other problems. Wolfe is struggling with writer's block. Ainsley longs to have a baby but nothing is happening, and her carefully ordered life is thrown out of kilter when Melb gets pregnant, and Melb and Oliver (improbably) take up temporary residence with Wolfe and Ainsley.

Just-arrived suburban soccer mom extraordinaire Katelyn Downey (mother of the devilish imp, five-year-old Willem) are determined to turn the little town of Skary into the Next Big Thing. A new cell phone tower, soccer field, coffeehouse complete with lattes and frou frou drinks, and some major changes at the church are only a few of the items on her agenda. The gentle Reverend Peck is spinning over all the changes Katelyn brings to his church, and wonders if the new cappuccino bar will be more of an attraction than his sermons. Will Skary lose its small-town values?

Romance is also in the air in the most unlikely places. Martin Blarty (short and contemplating hair implants) and Ainsley's dad, Sheriff Bart Parker (tall and clueless about women), are both attracted to Lois, The Queen of Menopause ("Eccentricity can be attractive, especially when it comes with hot flashes"). Lois has launched a town play and, in the process of casting, finds herself dating both men. As she ponders their flaws, she muses, "As a mature woman, your standards haven't slipped, they've just deepened to include Volvos instead of Covettes." Lois's sleepwalking leads to an unexpected engagement --- and more trouble --- and the play turns into a reality show.

When the strangely named Leonard Tarffeski, a charming snake hunter from New Zealand (where there are no snakes) appears to save the day --- or capture and sell the unusual snake for financial gain --- things quickly disintegrate.

Writers will enjoy some of the lines tossed at Wolfe (his father-in-law says in one aside, "It's not like you work or anything..."). Christian publishing industry folks will also snicker at the subplot involving Wolfe's editor/agent Alfred Tennison's discovery of the "Christian fiction" and his attempts to blend in --- and cash in.

If you're looking for a serious literary read to analyze for character development and plot treatment, look elsewhere. To enjoy this book, you'll have to suspend your disbelief from the earliest pages. However, if you want a book that's pure fun, BOO HISS is it. Relax and enjoy the pure whimsicalness of Gutteridge's imagination.

(...)

Whimsical town of Skary, Indiana is back for more fun!
Boo Hiss by Rene Gutteridge appears to be the last book in the series, but what a ride it's been! Dustin, the bookstore nerd, has lost his rare two-headed rosy boa constrictor, and the town of Skary, Indiana is turned on its ear during the search. This series is so full of whimsy and eccentric characters, it's almost guaranteed to bring a smile on each page. While Wolfe and Ainsley are each struggling with their own troubles, they, and the rest of the town, come to realize that God is in control, and sometimes you just need to let go. I did miss Missy in this book. There was a spark that she brought to the books that was missing a little in this one. Gutteridge is a terrific writer of humor, and I hope that she writes more of it in the future.