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Movies Steven Seagal Should've Starred In
By an Amazon.com customer
SubmergedSubmerged
Buy new: $9.95 / Used from: $1.04
Lord Steven is the greatest actor in the modern era. So many movies could've been much better had he starred in them and here are a few...
Dirty Dancing (Ultimate Edition)Dirty Dancing (Ultimate Edition)
Buy new: $7.49 / Used from: $2.85
The first time Baby tried to dance, His Lordship would've beat the crap out of her and made her cook him some dinner.
Annie (Special Anniversary Edition)Annie (Special Anniversary Edition)
Buy new: $8.99 / Used from: $4.75
Face it: Little Orphan Annie was annoying. Seagal would've totally ruled here. He would have snapped Daddy Warbucks' wrist and become a crime lord. It would've been a much better film this way.
Friday (New Line Platinum Series)Friday (New Line Platinum Series)
Buy new: $7.49 / Used from: $1.75
Getting rid of Chris Tucker and slapping in Lord Steven would've made this movie totally rule. Seagal would've been King of the Ghetto five minutes into the flick. Sweet.
RockyRocky
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Let's just say Apollo Creed wouldn't have won.
Say AnythingSay Anything
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Screw Cusack and his stupid radio. Seagal would've just walked into Diane's house, punched her in the face, and she would've been his instantly.
The Postman Always Rings TwiceThe Postman Always Rings Twice
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Seagal would have only rang once...and everyone would be dead.
Magnolia (New Line Platinum Series)Magnolia (New Line Platinum Series)
Buy used from: $1.56
The Lord would've shown up and killed all the annoying whiners in this pretentious boring crapfest.
When a Man Loves a WomanWhen a Man Loves a Woman
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Seagal wouldn't have put up with a whiney, annoying, alcoholic wife. He would've snapped her wrists, beat the kids, laughed, then watched some TV. Awesome.
The Princess Bride (Special Edition)The Princess Bride (Special Edition)
Buy used from: $1.97
Seagal as Westley would've been awesome. He would have killed everyone in the kingdom except for Buttercup and Andre The Giant. But he would have made them mudwrestle each other. Sweet.
Signs (Vista Series)Signs (Vista Series)
Buy new: $10.49 / Used from: $0.69
Seagal could've single-handedly irradicated the world of the pesky aliens. He rules.
My Father the HeroMy Father the Hero
Buy new: $7.99 / Used from: $3.92
You're damn right your father would've been a hero and not some whiney Frenchman, had Lord Steven starred.
Malcolm XMalcolm X
Buy new: $5.79 / Used from: $3.99
Seagal as Malcolm X? That would've been brilliant.
Scream (Dimension Collector's Series)Scream (Dimension Collector's Series)
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Steven would've shown these annoying pretty boys and bratty girls what its really like to be scared.
The Passion of the Christ (Widescreen Edition)The Passion of the Christ (Widescreen Edition)
Buy new: $14.99 / Used from: $1.50
Had Seagal played Jesus, lets just say that the movie would've ended a little bit differently.
Casablanca (Two-Disc Special Edition)Casablanca (Two-Disc Special Edition)
Buy new: $20.99 / Used from: $3.48
Bogart out, Seagal in. He would've snapped every Nazi's wrist, Ingrid Bergman would be on his jock, and Peter Lorre would totally be his goofy sidekick.
Rear Window (Collector's Edition)Rear Window (Collector's Edition)
Buy new: $10.99 / Used from: $6.97
Sorry Jimmy, but Seagal would've hopped out of that chair, ripped his cast off, given his annoying girlfriend a blackeye, and then saved the day in the building across the way. Sweetness.
The Magnificent Seven (Special Edition)The Magnificent Seven (Special Edition)
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Hire Steven, fire everyone else and just call it 'The Magnificent One'.
Bambi (2-Disc Special Platinum Edition)Bambi (2-Disc Special Platinum Edition)
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Not only would have Bambi's mother died, but Bambi would have too. Ha.
Rosemary's BabyRosemary's Baby
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If Seagal would've been the baby...man, that would've been sweet.
What the Bleep Do We Know!?What the Bleep Do We Know!?
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Total Lordage shows up, kills all the stupid hippies in this inane film then makes Marlee Matlin cook him some dinner.
King LearKing Lear
Buy new: $24.99 / Used from: $16.20
His Lordship as King Lear...it would've been sweet. No scheming, greedy kids...just the Lord snapping wrists like they were on sale.
Edward Scissorhands (Widescreen Anniversary Edition)Edward Scissorhands (Widescreen Anniversary Edition)
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Imagine Our Lord Steven with scissors for hands...beautiful. He would have slaughtered the entire world. Brilliant.
Jaws (30th Anniversary Edition)Jaws (30th Anniversary Edition)
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If His Majesty had starred, they'd have had shark steaks on the grill in ten minutes.
GhostGhost
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No Swayze, all Steven. No way some stupid mugger kills the Lord. He slaughters the mugger and then kills Demi just for fun. Awesome.