 | Above the Law
Buy new: $5.79 / Used from: $1.98 Lord Steven bursts into cinema with a fine first film and a super sexy ponytail. Excessive fighting, great supporting cast and tons of snapped wrists. Sweetness.
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 | Hard to Kill
Buy new: $5.79 / Used from: $1.99 Lord Steven is shot up by evil politicians. They should've know he's totally invincible. His Majesty comes back from the dead for excessively violent revenge.
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 | Marked for Death
Buy used from: $4.99 If you were a Jamaican drug dealer, would you mess with Lord Steven? Yeah, me either. Seagal busts everyone in sight up in the little gem.
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 | Out for Justice
Buy new: $5.79 / Used from: $2.99 Steven sports a beret, tanktop, sexy ponytail, and proceeds to pound the crap out of every person in this movie. Totally sweet.
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 | Under Siege
Buy used from: $0.87 One of Seagal's best films. He plays stud muffin Navy cook Casey Ryback. Terrorists take over his ship, he kills them all. All hail Lord Steven.
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 | On Deadly Ground
Buy new: $9.98 / Used from: $3.38 Seagal's directorial debut. Polluters are dumping oil in Alaska so Lord Steven kills them all just because he loves nature.
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 | Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (Snap Case)
Buy new: $6.99 / Used from: $2.28 Casey Ryback is back but on a train this time. Terrorists take the train and he kills them all. Lord Steven is a sweet engineer...an engineer of totally sweet death, that is.
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 | Executive Decision
Buy new: $10.49 / Used from: $1.73 This movie is good for the first ten minutes. Yep, thats right kids...Lord Steven gets killed. I know, I know...but thank God we all know that Lord Steven can't be killed in real life. He rules.
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 | The Glimmer Man
Buy new: $11.49 / Used from: $2.13 Lord Steven is a hippy cop and one of the ten Wayans brothers is his wacky black partner. Needless to say, Stevie kills everyone, but unfortunately not his stupid partner. The Lord needs no backup.
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 | Fire Down Below
Buy new: $9.98 / Used from: $0.09 'Fire Down Below', or as I like to call it 'On Deadly Ground Again', has the Lord fighting toxic waste dumpers in Kentucky. Stevie kills everyone and then sings a country song. Sweet.
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 | The Patriot
Buy used from: $2.47 The Lord's pudge starts to show here. He's an immunologist taking on bioterrorists. There's only about 30 seconds of fighting and has the lamest ending in cinematic history. Not one of his best.
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 | Exit Wounds
Buy new: $11.49 / Used from: $0.01 Lord Steven, in better shape than in 'The Patriot', plays a studly cop partnered with another wacky sidekick. He kills everyone again...much to my satisfaction.
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 | Ticker
Buy new: $9.98 / Used from: $1.82 Steven gained approximately 140 lbs. for his role as a bomb squad cop in this stinker. A total crapfest just barely saved by his total sexiness. He also composed the song 'Love Doctor' for the film.
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 | Half Past Dead
Buy new: $13.49 / Used from: $0.65 Seagal plays a flabby, wavecap-wearing, FBI agent undercover in prison. Lord Steven doesn't kill too much, but he looks quite handsome in a jumpsuit. He rules the world.
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 | Out for a Kill
Buy new: $13.49 / Used from: $0.61 Seagal is now out of control: in this crapbox of a film he's fat, puffy-faced, and his hair is super nappy. But all the same, he pulls of this daring look and kills everybody. He is so awesome.
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 | The Foreigner
Buy new: $13.49 / Used from: $1.66 Bloated and nappy, but still sexy as heck, Lord Steven plays someone doing something for someone in the excessively ambiguous film. He still rules though.
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 | The Art of Action: Martial Arts in the Movies
Buy new: $9.95 / Used from: $0.98 Seagal appears in this documentary about martial arts in film. He talks about why he is so awesome.
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 | Belly of the Beast
Buy new: $9.95 / Used from: $1.50 Though Seagal is totally sick-looking in this film, it is still his finest work to date. He kills, he jumps, scores a hot asian chick, and manages to rummage thru a refrigerator. Totally sweet.
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 | Out of Reach
Buy new: $9.95 / Used from: $1.85 Seagal is at his most repugnant ever in this film. He's fat, nappy, probably smelly, and he didn't even bother dubbing in his own dialogue. I love the Lord, but this movie is crap.
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 | Into the Sun
Buy new: $13.49 / Used from: $1.87 Stevie is in the best shape that he has been in a few years for this flick. Too bad this movie sucks. Total fight scenes equal less than 2 minutes. He needs to get back to killing everyone.
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 | Submerged
Buy new: $9.95 / Used from: $1.99 His Majesty returns yet unfortunately does not kill everyone. But he's so awesome he doesn't even bother dubbing half of his dialogue. Sweetness.
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 | Today You Die
Buy new: $9.95 / Used from: $1.59 Seagal returns wearing a sweet pleather jacket, sports a nappy mullet, and has a new black sidekick. The movie makes no sense at all but he talks Jive and swings from a chandolier. Awesome.
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 | Black Dawn
Buy new: $13.49 / Used from: $1.85 The Buddhist Bonebreaker returns as Johnathan Cold in this sequel to 'The Foreigner'. He drives a dump truck and gets saddled with not a rapper sidekick, but an annoying woman. Sweetness.
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 | Mercenary for Justice
Buy new: $9.98 / Used from: $2.45 Our hero plays a soldier of fortune who breaks the son of a billionaire out of prison but--surprise!--the Lord is double-crossed...he makes them all pay.
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 | Shadow Man
Buy new: $13.49 / Used from: $1.66 The Violent Buddhist's best since 'BOTB'. He fights a guy with syphilis, rips out some eyeballs, and explodes a watermelon with his bare hands. Awesome.
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 | Attack Force
Buy new: $13.49 / Used from: $1.45 Seagal returns as a military operative who is betrayed and stalked by a super-secret military operation.
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 | Flight of Fury
Buy new: $13.49 / Used from: $1.99 The newest offering from our Lord and Savior. Get on your knees and thank him for allowing you to watch another of his films.
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