They strummed you right out of Hollywood. And now you come crawling back to Broadway. Well, Broadway doesn't go for booze and dope!" That's Shakespeare, people, Shakespeare!

Ok, big guy, I just heard you use the word "fabulous".

I took tips and was glad to get 'em!" A fabulous fur coat, a fabulous fur hat, a blazing handgun, an ingrate daughter, a deceitful lover, a wisecracking sidekick ("Leave me something on, I might catch cold."), and a good man to fall back on in the end. Ka-ching! (That's the gay equivalent of a home-run.)

If I were a ranch, they'd call me the Bar Nothing!". OK, you're a ranch.

All anklets and icy banter, Stanwyck, in mules and a platinum dynel Prince Valiant wig, sets the standard for love/hate co-dependency. Hello, Mother ....

Forbidden love, Fifties style. And that's Style with a capital "S". Sirk style.

An ambisexual Colin Farrell. Need I say more? Before insertion (of the DVD, potty-brain), I suggest you test the batteries of your smoke alarms.

A sophisticated, refined gentleman of a certain age dispenses with decorum, jettisons his pride, and sacrifices his dignity to grovel at the feet of his coarse and ruggedly handsome youthful tormentor. My last job interview.

Joan's stalker-like obsession with an emotionally unavailable straight man drives her insane! That shoe comes in all sizes.

Alice Faye. Carmen Miranda. That's what I'm talking about.

Just admit it. You totally identified with Jill Clayburgh.

Divine in a beehive shopping for couture at Hefty Hideaway. Rickie Lake's skunk doo. American Bandstand Hell. The world according to John Waters.

Sebastian, is it already Mother's Day again?

Sun, surf, sin and song. In other words, last weekend on Fire Island.

An ugly spinster is transformed by romance into a hyper-glam Bette Davis. Love the hat!

This just in. In West Hollywood, investigators of the paranormal have discovered with alarming frequency this movie in the DVD players of the victims of spontaneous combustion. Tearful witnesses have testified the firey explosions occurred between "Born in a Trunk" and "The Man That Got Away". Citing safety concerns, comedienne Kathy Griffin has banned this movie from her home. Now this ...

See, even super butch IRA terrorists can turn gay if the right "man" comes along!

A fluttering, genteel neurotic trembles before a gorgeous, brutish man-god. Ok, Bruce, you can get up now.

When stars collide! A straight man, Victor Buono, actually turned gay while making this film. It's true.

Who said Madonna can't act? You're kidding, right?