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2006: The Year in Disappointment
By an Amazon.com customer
Happy Feet (Widescreen Edition)Happy Feet (Widescreen Edition)
Buy new: $11.49 / Used from: $1.94
This is the biggest disappointment I had all year in theaters, not because I had high expectations for it but because it cheats by inserting LIVE ACTION ACTORS into an "animated" film that beat out Monster House for the Academy Award because of its environmental message, anything that doesn't leave the antartic (ie. penguins) is just asking for extinction anyways
Borat - Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (Widescreen Edition)Borat - Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan (Widescreen Edition)
Buy new: $4.99 / Used from: $0.01
while it does contain a handful of laughs it tries too hard to extend itself to feature length guffaws without using the improv interview tactics that sold me in the previews
Hostel (Unrated Widescreen Edition)Hostel (Unrated Widescreen Edition)
Buy used from: $0.95
Beating out the messed up premise of Saw by about a million more messed up points the end product is more juvenille than jarring, I do hope Roth doesn't mess up Stephen King's Cell
The LibertineThe Libertine
Buy new: $10.99 / Used from: $0.98
well, it rhymes with Ovaltine-I was hoping to make a weird double feature of this film and Quills but alas it wasn't meant to be
When a Stranger CallsWhen a Stranger Calls
Buy new: $10.99 / Used from: $0.49
lending much credence to the notion that remakes (especially Horror) are the bane and baffle of the movie lover's existence
Final Destination 3 (Widescreen Two-Disc Special Edition)Final Destination 3 (Widescreen Two-Disc Special Edition)
Buy new: $7.49 / Used from: $1.41
I loved the first two films in this series but this film made me actually want to go to an amusement park and seek out the tallest rollercoaster
The Sentinel (Widescreen Edition)The Sentinel (Widescreen Edition)
Buy new: $13.49 / Used from: $0.01
this was like watching a really bad (and boring) made for TV thriller
The Da Vinci Code (Widescreen Two-Disc Special Edition)The Da Vinci Code (Widescreen Two-Disc Special Edition)
Buy new: $9.99 / Used from: $1.93
the most overhyped book of the decade gets a very overhyped (and revealingly boring) film adaptation
The Omen (Widescreen Edition)The Omen (Widescreen Edition)
Buy new: $8.49 / Used from: $0.01
just not scary and one entertaining decapitation does not a movie make
Miami Vice (Unrated Director's Cut)Miami Vice (Unrated Director's Cut)
Buy new: $13.49 / Used from: $0.01
not only is it long but you have no idea why you're watching after the first 20 minutes, and the way it was shot kept reminding me of an episode of BBC's Footballer's Wives
Crank (Widescreen Edition)Crank (Widescreen Edition)
Buy new: $10.49 / Used from: $1.25
someone needs to make sure that Jason Statham only works with competent directors, the guy should be a huge star but in America he's either "The Transporter" (of which this movie seems like a weak extension) or "Turkish from Snatch"
The Black Dahlia (Widescreen Edition)The Black Dahlia (Widescreen Edition)
Buy new: $9.99 / Used from: $0.16
beautifully photographed but insane and boring
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning - Unrated (New Line Platinum Series)The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning - Unrated (New Line Platinum Series)
Buy new: $14.99 / Used from: $0.49
I've come to respect the 2003 remake as at least adequate but this sapped all the scary out of Leatherface, turning him into a dumb ox with chainsaw instead of giving him real psychological motivation (although props for the gore department)
Flags of Our Fathers (Widescreen Edition)Flags of Our Fathers (Widescreen Edition)
Buy new: $10.49 / Used from: $1.25
I have tons of respect for Clint Eastwood both as an actor and as a director but I just didn't like this film
BabelBabel
Buy new: $9.99 / Used from: $1.84
I couldn't get past the moronic American couple who leave their two kids home with their Mexican nanny while they go to Afghanistan to worry about the ice in their drinks and be mad at each other, I generally don't mind message films but I think even Rodney King might have taken the baton to this one
Tenacious D in The Pick of DestinyTenacious D in The Pick of Destiny
Buy new: $6.49 / Used from: $1.90
I must have listened to the original Tenacious D cd hundreds of times and the comedy routine featuring Black and Gass was hilarious but this movie wasn't even remotely funny compared to earlier stuff (I didn't even like the music)
Night WatchNight Watch
Buy new: $10.49 / Used from: $1.85
talk about overhyped, this movie sucked and didn't make a lick of sense
Turistas (Unrated Edition)Turistas (Unrated Edition)
Buy new: $10.49 / Used from: $1.86
Seriously wasted potential, with one very disturbing scene. Then you realize you don't care.
Silent Hill (Widescreen Edition)Silent Hill (Widescreen Edition)
Buy new: $10.49 / Used from: $0.05
Well, it makes for one heck of a creepy screen saver, but to actually listen to the dialogue, that's the scary part. Visually, styllistically the movie is dead on, but it was such a let down in the end.