Product Description

If you know a child or teen who has experienced a death, this guidebook presents you with simple and practical suggestions for how to support him or her. Learn what behaviors and reactions to expect from children at different ages, ways to create safe outlets for children to express their thoughts and feelings and how to be supportive during special events such as the memorial service, anniversaries and holidays.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #354729 in Books
• Published on: 1999-10-25
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 55 pages

About the Author
Since 1983, The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families has provided loving support in a safe place where children, teens and their families grieving a death can share their experiences as they move through their healing process. Based in Portland, Oregon, The Dougy Center works regionally, nationally and internationally to provide support and training to individuals and organizations seeking to assist children in grief.

The Dougy Center is supported solely through private support from individuals, foundations and companies, and receives no state or federal funding. The Dougy Center does not charge a fee for its services.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Listen.

After a death, many children want to share their story. They may want to tell you what happened, where they were when they were told about the death, and what it was like for them. Telling their story is a healing experience. One of the best ways adults can help young grievers is to listen to their stories.

As adults, we're often too quick to offer advice, give opinions and make judgments. We think we know what's best for our children, and we want to make sure they get the right information. But while we're busy talking, sometimes we miss important messages from children about what they need and how we can best help them.

Suggestions for being a good listener:

Don't give advice or make judgments.

Reflect back what the child said using the child's words.

Paraphrase the child's words.

Ask clarifying questions.

Here's an example of a child's statement and adult responses using the above suggestions:

Child- "My daddy died in a plane crash. At first, I was sad. But then I was so angry when I found out they let him fly when it was a storm. I yelled at the guy from the airline. I hate him."

Don't:

Give advice or make judgments:

Adult- "Hate is a very strong word. You probably don't hate him. You're mad now, but you'll get over it. It's a horrible thing that happened.

Do: Reflect back what the child said using the child's words:

Adult- "So your dad died in a plane crash. You felt sad at first, but then you were angry because they let him fly when the weather was stormy. So you yelled at the guy at the airline, and you feel that you hate him."

Paraphrase the child's words:

Adult- "It sounds like you felt many different feelings after your dad died. Sad feelings. Mad feelings and feelings of hate."

Ask clarifying questions:

"So what was it like when you felt all those different feelings?"

"So what kinds of things do you do when you feel sad? Or angry?"

Customer Reviews

Well Done
Congratulations to the Dougy Center Staff for creating this book. It is a much needed resource.
I also purchased After the Tears, A Gentle Guide to Help Children Understand Death (video)
The two are awesome resources for children.
Keep up the good work.

Disappointing
I expected a lot more from the Dougy Center, which purports to be the leading organization for grieving children in this country. I created and ran a children's grief support center for more than a decade in addition to working in the field of grief for more than 25 years. I was hoping this book would greatly enhance the work I was doing and was disappointed at many levels. There are significantly better books out there for anyone interested in helping grieving children.

Very Helpful - Easy to Read and Understand
As a program director at a local center for grieving children, I utilize this book in many ways. I have it available in our parent/caregiver group room and I have recommended it to local school counselors and teachers. I recommend it to family and friends of grieving children who call our center and wonder how, in addition to possibly utilizing our center's services, they can help the child who has just experienced the death of someone close to them. Each page is full of practical and helpful ways that a grieving child can be supported. This book is easy to read and understand, just what individuals need in the chaotic wake left after someone dies.