Product Description

"What do you think of my fiction book writing?" the aspiring novelist extorted.

"Darn," the editor hectored, in turn. "I can not publish your novel! It is full of what we in the business call 'really awful writing.'"

"But how shall I absolve this dilemma? I have already read every tome available on how to write well and get published!" The writer tossed his head about, wildly.

"It might help," opined the blonde editor, helpfully, "to ponder how NOT to write a novel, so you might avoid the very thing!"

Many writing books offer sound advice on how to write well. This is not one of those books. On the contrary, this is a collection of terrible, awkward, and laughably unreadable excerpts that will teach you what to avoid—at all costs—if you ever want your novel published.

In How Not to Write a Novel, authors Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman distill their 30 years combined experience in teaching, editing, writing, and reviewing fiction to bring you real advice from the other side of the query letter. Rather than telling you how or what to write, they identify the 200 most common mistakes unconsciously made by writers and teach you to recognize, avoid, and amend them. With hilarious "mis-examples" to demonstrate each manuscript-mangling error, they'll help you troubleshoot your beginnings and endings, bad guys, love interests, style, jokes, perspective, voice, and more. As funny as it is useful, this essential how-NOT-to guide will help you get your manuscript out of the slush pile and into the bookstore.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #102557 in Books
• Published on: 2008-04-01
• Released on: 2008-04-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 272 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9780061357954
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
• Click here to view our Condition Guide and Shipping Prices

Review
Authors and editors Mittlemark and Newman identify writing pitfalls in each aspect of novel writing…. A great resource, this tongue-in-cheek guide is a fun read with a lot of solid advice for would-be novelists. -- Publishers Weekly

This writing how-to should carry a warning: it’s the kind of book one reads at the expense of other responsibilities….a surprisingly distinctive approach within the crowded category of novel-writing guides. -- Library Journal

Review
"Sandra Newman and Howard Mittelmark have produced an invaluable guide." (The Independent )

"The teaching of creative writing just entered a whole new era with the publication of How Not to Write a Novel. Heavens, what a joy this book is.." (Lynne Truss )

"[A] hilarious, wickedly observed and deeply useful guide." (The Observer, review by Kate Saunders )

Authors and editors Mittlemark and Newman identify writing pitfalls in each aspect of novel writing.. A great resource, this tongue-in-cheek guide is a fun read with a lot of solid advice for would-be novelists. (Publishers Weekly )

This writing how-to should carry a warning: it's the kind of book one reads at the expense of other responsibilities..a surprisingly distinctive approach within the crowded category of novel-writing guides. (Library Journal )

About the Author

Writer and editor Howard Mittelmark's book reviews and essays have appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, Philadelphia Inquirer, Hollywood Reporter, Writer's Digest, and other publications. He is the author of the novel Age of Consent.

Customer Reviews

Style Distracts from Substance
O.K., we could all benefit from this book, and there are many great tips here. But 2/3 the way through, I realized that the authors are making some of the mistakes they warn against. When they draft a passage to describe, for example, how tedious it is to read about what every character has ordered at dinner, they invade the prose with so many ridiculous names, nonsequitors, etc., that I was asking myself -- what mistake were they trying to point out again?

And unfortunately, every time they pointed out a problem, an author, either one I like very much, or don't like at all, comes to mind. Interior monologue? Lack of scenes and too much In the Narrator's Head? Ever heard of a guy called Henry James? Kingsley Amis? Martin Amis? Too much food, ever heard of the mega million seller Maeve Binchey? The authors praise James Bond in the same breath that they warn against super-heroics.

I think the first two chapters here, dealing with set-up, offer the most useful advice. After that, their prose, over-loaded with jokes, gets wearisome and seems mean-spirited. The style of the book was so unpleasant, it took me two months' to get through -- hardly a page-turner. It would have served them better to intersperce, between their Bad Writing Parodies, examples of a Good, Published Writer carrying off with aplomb whatever technique they've highlighted in the parody. It takes no great skill to slam bad writing. As both are well published writers, I'm wondering why they didn't use examples of their own work?

This is geared towards genre writers, almost any literary novel out there breaks a good half of these rules, so if you're even vaguely literary, you're going to have to filter out a lot of this advice.

I'm a reader who doesn't like action, suspense, too much "snappy" dialogue, and welcomes interior life and philosophical tangents -- which the authors wrongly declare are a bore in literature and in life, using the cocktail party conversation as an example. O.K., I'm someone who gets bored when people tell me long detailed action stories at a party, but I'm often interested in hearing a stranger's inner thoughts, what makes them tick.

I'd say, take this with a grain of salt. They make declarations about what's good writing -- a page turner -- which are completely wrong for me. I like a book that makes me think, so I have to put it down for a few minutes,look out the train window and digest before I move on. Some of us read to learn something and deepen our life experience. This is for readers and writers whose goal is diversion, and nothing else.

Truly hysterical (and brilliant)
This book is very smartly written and also hysterical (I can hardly get these words out because I am so self-conscious of my sentences after reading it).

Few How To books are in themselves an enjoyable read, but this one is more entertaining than most humor fiction or non-fiction.

The authors know what they're talking about and, more importantly, SHOW they know what they're talking about by illustrating both how you shouldn't write and how you should.

Their website is a riot too.

Literally, Laugh Out Loud Funny
I don't laugh very often when I'm reading. I'll smile at an amusing passage but I usually don't laugh outright. It takes special talent to do that to me, and this book hit the mark. I will say up front that I'm inclined to enjoy humor about bad writing or badly constructed sentences. I even enjoyed the examples of this in grammar handbooks. The fact that the book is very funny and also extremely helpful at the same time helps a lot.

Even if you're not writing a novel, I think readers in general will find a lot to enjoy in the book. If I had one minor complaint it is that some of the examples are a bit too silly for their own good. Having a ton of mistakes in one paragraph is fine, but when it's coupled with a lot of silly names and silly situations I think the humor is actually lessened. That being said, this is only really noticeable in a couple examples and it doesn't really weaken what the writers are trying to illustrate.