Product Description

In 1998, Kari West and Noelle Quinn gave readers their hard–won but hope–filled insights in When He Leaves. Responding to ongoing reader requests, Harvest House is re–releasing this compelling, one–of–a–kind book in a new edition.

How can a woman cope...survive...and even thrive again after divorce? There are no easy answers. Kari West and Noelle Quinn offer their experience and companionship to the reader along a road she never wanted to walk as they urge her to "hang on!" and...

admit to the all–but–unbearable pain

start to grasp God’s love and acceptance at a new level

rebuild life...and learn to laugh and love again

Readers will return again and again to the deeply practical and heartfelt counsel offered by Kari and Noelle.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #133372 in Books
• Published on: 2005-04-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 272 pages

Review
Avoiding old-hat fix-it advice, the authors demonstrate that life not only will go forward, it can be done. -- Dr. Les Carter, counselor, Minirth Clinic, Richardson, Texas

Having survived with honor and balance, the authors have the credentials to help others. -- Barbara Johnson, author and founder, Spatula Ministries

Only from deep pain could come these life-giving insights for surviving the darkness. -- Elizabeth Sherrill, author and roving editor, Guideposts

About the Author
Kari West is a writer and speaker living in Northern California. She is remarried and the mother of a grown daughter.

Noelle Quinn is an editor and book developer living among ponderosa pines in Oregon. She is the mother of three grown daughters.

Customer Reviews

This is a must read for anyone left behind by a spouse.
Quinn and West wrote a gem. I loan or give my copies to pastors and women who are left by their husbands. My pastor read the book and recommends it.Several years ago I was in the same situation after my husband of twenty-four years left me for another. All the books I read were by professional men. Each had good advice, but none of the authors had lived with the feelings of absolute rejection, physical pain, and paralysis that this situation results in for a mate left behind when a long-term marriage ends. I needed to be understood; given real hope that I was still a person of value. In my case the leaving made sense only after discovery of the truth. Several years went by before my husband left for good. That is, he left physically, thus making official and true what many years of disrespect and unfaithfulness had hidden from my mind, but not from my heart. The authors relate similar blind areas. And I thought it was just me. I happen to be mostly recovered from my own situation, but I found Quinn and West's book helpful in retrospect. Finally, I had my own confused and dark feelings validated by other Christian women who had walked the same path and not only survived, but thrived. Not even professional counselors could empathize or give me hope on the same level that the authors did. The sense of shared experience and the hope for life after betrayal and abandonment shine light on the gray area in which a divorced Christian finds him/herself within the Christian community. God is faithful even when husbands, and even friends, are not. What I particularly liked was the balance between the true experiences they related, even down to gut-level feelings, and the striking lack of bitterness and anger that often lingers after divorce, even years later. Finally, two Christian women came forward and told others that the crazy-making experiences will end. We will be able to, as the subtitle reads, "Live, Love and Laugh again." Thank you ladies.

This book SAVED my SANITY!!!!
I can't say enough about this book. I stumbled across it and it truely was a godsend. The authors, Kari and Nicole, seem like good friends. I was in what I thought was a good, solid marriage--my friends envied how devoted my husband was--and in the space of a week, my life blew up! My husband of 12 years blew the mind of all our family when he left me 5 weeks after my son was born. His affair was a bomb that no one who knew him ever thought he would throw. This book doesn't blame but it also reminds you that When He Leaves, God will uphold you and that the shame lies with the one who broke the covenant, not you. It is written with humor and grace by two women who have stared hell in the face and triumphed. Reading it is like a booster shot of confidence. If you can only get 1 book on divorce, this is THE ONE!!

Empowering, Empathetic and Energizing
Described by Laurie Hall in the foreword as a "giant hug for women who've had their lives shattered by their spouse's infidelity," WHEN HE LEAVES: Help and Hope for Hurting Wives is by turns empowering, empathetic and energizing for anyone who has been dealt "the divorce card."

"You are not alone," writes Kari West and Noelle Quinn. "You belong to a sacred sisterhood, the wounded, the rejected, the betrayed." The authors, both victimized by their ex-husbands' infidelity, are "frustrated by the trend of wives dumped in midlife and children abandoned, and by the response of the church to a crisis that occurs no less frequently within evangelicalism than outside it." They also write for women who have left a husband who "left long before in his mind, while he expected her to pray and stay."

Both authors fought to keep their marriages together without success. But both were able to glue the pieces of their lives back together and move on to healing and wholeness. "I found out when you can't go back, you go forward," writes West.

The authors found that divorced women face:


grief, guilt, anger, hopelessness

stress-related health problems

disappointment with friends, family, church and God

a deep sense of failure, humiliation and rejection

Yet, you will survive, the authors encourage. They urge readers to feel their pain in order to heal; to be willing to grieve the loss of the relationship and dreams. Then, women must embrace the truth about their marriage, and their lives. Finally, they believe, women can move forward to new possibilities and a different future than was planned.

Both West and Quinn offer heartbreaking personal glimpses into their lives spent married to men who were cheating on them. Amazingly, the authors' tone, which easily could be bitter or nasty, remains mostly even-handed (although excruciatingly honest when detailing the cruelty that can happen between spouses). Both authors are vulnerable to the point that Quinn even admits contemplating buying a gun when her hatred against her ex peaked! Prayers of anger and pain are included, penned to God, just as David lamented to the Lord in his Psalms. I want things back the way they were... How am I to endure, O Lord? How am I to get through this?... What did we do to deserve this? Many divorced women will recognize their own questions here.

While raw emotions such as anger and hatred are acknowledged and validated, readers are encouraged to channel them into positive steps forward. Interactive sections allow for readers to journal their own feelings and ideas.

Throughout the book, the authors offer practical ideas for recovery, ranging from simple things (Rise early and walk before breakfast, write a letter to yourself about your dreams) to some that may seem a bit off-beat (pierce your belly button). But then, off-beat is sometimes the point. Divorced women need to find a new identity apart from their one as wife, and to expand their horizons. West and Quinn offer a thoughtful chapter on navigating the twists and turns of single-parenting. There's also a helpful list of practical "housecleaning" ideas to let go of your bitterness by letting go or rearranging physical possessions ("Get rid of the clothes you wore with him" or "Take down everything hanging on the walls, freshen the paint, and re-hang pictures differently.")

Occasionally, the authors' rah-rah spirit ("P.S. You are going to make it!") feels over the top, although some will appreciate their unbridled enthusiasm. Others may find some of the practical ideas for moving forward a bit simplistic ("...write your name on a seashell or a small rock...place it on your nightstand...remember that persistence pays!"). However, the value in even the simplest suggestions offered is that they are easily do-able at a time when even ordinary tasks seem difficult.

An unexpected bonus is the collection of outstanding motivational quotes sprinkled throughout the book, drawn from a diverse cast of characters that includes everyone from G.K. Chesterton to Diane Ackerman; Anne Morrow Lindbergh to Antoine De Saint-Exupéry. Although this is a wonderful book for divorced Christian women, it also is highly recommended that pastors, family members, and those in the church read it, and books like it, to gain deeper understanding in how to minister to those in this situation.

--- Reviewed by Cindy Crosby