Product Description

Author Lynn Melville believes that people caught in abusive relationships -- whether Borderline or not -- are stuck in the middle of the Grief Cycle. They are unable to move forward to acceptance of the reality of the abuse they're receiving, because their abuser continues to change, back and forth from the person who acts like they love them -- to the person who hurts them.

Melville began writing Breaking Free from Boomerang Love for herself, words to help her stay focused on reality. Over time, her writing began to change into letters to others who were still stuck in abuse.

Written in a daily affirmation style, readers will re-feel and finish the grieving of their pain, laugh and then watch their denial disappear, achieve a new strength to stand up for themselves, and re-connect and reach for guidance from the God of their understanding.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #274033 in Books
• Published on: 2004-09-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 356 pages

Review
Boomerang Love -- an excellent resource for someone caught in domestic violence -- focus on yourself to heal. -- Rebecca Robertson,Domestic Violence Solutions, Santa Barbara

Boomerang Love shows readers how to break free from their addiction to unhealthy relationships by valuing themselves. -- Randi Kreger, co-author of Stop Walking on Eggshells

As a psychotherapist, I'm thrilled to finally see a book written by a partner of BPDs for other partners. -- Elyce M. Benham, MS, NCC, CCFC, LPC

From the Author
In writing 'Breaking Free from Boomerang Love', my personal mission is to raise awareness of 'boomerang love behavior' so that it becomes a household phrase, the meaning of which is clear to everyone.

I believe that repeatedly leaving and then returning to a painful relationship with another person is a sign that something is seriously wrong -- we just don't know what that something is.

Our culture is essentially color blind to the behavior of narcissistic Borderline Personality Disordered people. Few know that there is an actual name and mental health diagnosis for the hurtful behavior that Borderlines inflict on their partners in relationships -- or in business or families.

I now offer telephone coaching services to partners in abusive relationships. With a step-by-step method to lead people out of boomerang love stuckness, and the help of my book, people all around the United States are successfully freeing themselves of the pain of their Borderline relationships.

From the Back Cover
From Randi Kreger, co-author of 'Stop Walking on Eggshells': "Lynn Melville has a gift for expressing herself in a way that touches her readers' deepest heart. 'Boomerang Love' shows them how to break free from their addiction to unhealthy relationships by valuing themselves and developing personal limits instead of trying to change their partner." Randi Kreger is the owner of the Welcome to Oz Online Community for family members with a Borderline loved one.

Customer Reviews

Very useful information, but does have some shortcomings
This is a unique book in that it presents how to become disentangled from a relationship with someone who has borderline personality disorder. Most books are aimed at the person with BPD and not the people on the receiving end of the dysfunctional behavior. I can see where this is very helpful, for many people and the advice is sound.

The basic premise of the book is that someone suffering from BPD is going to keep your life on a roller coaster and that you can't reasonably expect quick results or magical solutions. It puts the burden back on the person in the relationship to determine why they are in it and why they allow themselves to keep being treated poorly in the face of little change or no change.

The parts that were particularly poignant involved articulating the pain of someone who is in love with someone with this disorder. It really paints a clear picture of what it feels like to be in relationship with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder.

The solutions presented are straightforward and practical. The premise is that the loved one of someone with BPD has to look at their own codependent behavior around trying to rescue someone who requires intensive psychotherapy and/or medication. It's a reality that BPD is difficult to treat under the best circumstances and it is just plain unrealistic to expect a loved one with this problem to suddenly get better by themselves or with short-term therapy.

People with BPD can and often are very intelligent and charming. When they are at their best, which could be for a considerable length of time, it is easy to believe they might change. The stage of over-valuation is also very seductive, unfortunately, it eventually swings to devaluation and acting out. A relationship defined by these characteristics is "crazy making" and this author is very clear about the path forward which is something many people need to hear in no uncertain terms. At a minimum, they need to understand what they are dealing with and make an informed choice. This is not something most people involved with a BPD partner do.

While the book has some very good content, I think it could be better organized and the cartoons were more of a distraction for me than an enhancement. They also didn't seem to fit with the serious tone of the book. I also didn't think the book hung together as well as it could with more work around structure.

There aren't a lot of good books out there on this specific topic, but I can imagine a better one. Still, I think it is worth buying and you will benefit from reading it. However, I expect more in terms of writing, organization and presentation. Hopefully, they will clean it up in the next revision or someone will write a better one.

Nonetheless, this book does address the problem and in this sense it is invaluable. If you are in a relationship with someone with borderline disorder, this could be your life preserver.

A must for those healing from a BPD relationship
In her book Boomerang Love, Ms. Melville shares her insight and experience in surviving the insanity of a Borderline relationship. As I read her book I felt as though I was reading a journal of my chaotic marriage with my BPD wife; except I was reading Ms. Melville's words. Her shared experiences and life lessons served as great validation in gaining an understanding that I was not alone in my experiences with dealing with a loved one with this all consuming disorder. Ms. Melville's book belongs in every therapists office and every Non's book collection, as it provides a rare insight into the life of a person in the difficult position of recovering from the abuse sustained in a Borderline relationship. I would highly recommend this book to all friends and family members of someone diagnosed or suspected to have Borderline Peronality Disorder.

Breaking Free
Lynn Melville's heart-centered, yet ever so direct, accounting of her personal journey helped to lift the dark and dreary clouds off of my own relationship with someone suffering from borderline personality disorder. Though my relationship was long ago, the devastation left following the storm had left me numb to life for quite a number of years.

More often than not, when Lynn expressed her "feelings" in Boomerang Love, I remembered that I had once "felt" that way. When she expressed her "thoughts", I realized that I once thought that way also. When she "voiced" her own painful experiences, I again relived my "own" past painful experiences.
Reading Boomerang Love helped me realize that even though my own experiences were now long behind me, they were somehow still a part of me. As I re-felt those old, painful experiences, I began to heal in areas where I never imagined pain was still being held.

Knowing that there was an actual "name to my pain" (borderline personality disorder) was like salve to my wounds, the healing element that had been missing all these years. At last I knew the "whys". Going back and re-living my pain, this time with "new eyes" that understood borderline personality disorder, released those many years of pent-up pain.

Because of my personal faith in a God who heals, I believe that it was He who brought this most valuable information to me through Lynn Melville's book. Not only did I need to understand the nature of my partner's disorder, I needed to be able to recognize my own relationship patterns. Now I know that I will never again participate in this precious life of mine with anyone else who is so personally trouble and damaged that they would try to destroy my very soul.

Breaking Free From Boomerang Love is not only a story of personal pain and healing, but also one that provides other valuable informational resources for anyone who is currently involved in a relationship with someone suffering from borderline personality disorder. The "Resources and Tools" section provides many current books that have been written to educate and empower partners, safety information on how to carefully plan to leave a borderline personality relationship, support groups for partners (online and in person), and many websites devoted to information on borderline personality disorder.

In addition, Ashleigh Brilliant's Pot-Shots clearly illustrate in a straightforward manner what life is like for partners of border personality disordered people. I frequently turn to the Pot-Shots in the back of the book to remind me of the insanity that was once my life - and which I am comforted to now know will never be again.

N. Thompson