Product Description

Written with the compassionate language that people have come to rely upon and expect from these proven relationship experts, this book goes beyond an explanation of the condition to help men and women avoid the self-destructive permanence of remaining with people incapable of loving anyone but themselves.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #129573 in Books
• Published on: 2005-03-25
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Hardcover
• 288 pages

From Publishers Weekly
Christina, a successful 38-year-old real estate agent, was very happy with Len, who initially overwhelmed her with compliments, care and concern; once she had fallen in love with him, he suddenly began to insist that his needs and plans and schedules come first. Christina was in love with a narcissist—and in their new guide, the authors of Men Who Can't Love tell how to recognize such a beast, the dangers of loving one and strategies for ending a relationship with a person who always puts "me" first. The authors point out that we all may exhibit narcissistic tendencies at times, but the true narcissist is incapable of a give-and-take relationship. The authors acknowledge that they are writers, not therapists, and base their theories on anecdotes, written in very accessible language, rather than on academic research. Many interviews were conducted with both men and women completely seduced by narcissists, who can, according to the authors, be extremely charismatic. Carter and Sokol detail behavioral cues that can identify a narcissist and look at the causes of narcissism, chief among them being raised by narcissistic parents. Carter and Sokol provide a number of coping skills for those involved with narcissists, but their advice boils down to taking care of yourself first and seeking outside support.
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Customer Reviews

Narcissist Screening Tool
Time flies when it's all about you

I recently went on a hike with two of my closest and smartest guy friends (an investment banker and a lawyer). When we returned to the car I remarked, "Did the way back to the car seem much shorter than when we hiked out on the trail?"

My first friend said, "I didn't notice much of a difference."

My second friend said, "That's because you did most of the talking."

I was embarrassed and quipped back, "That must explain why the first half seemed to take so long."

I am more neurotic than I am narcissistic, which means I feel hurt much more often than I feel angry. It explained to me why I may get along with so many people, because I am generally more of a listener than a talker.

It also made me aware of how quickly narcissists can become angry and even enraged when they're not catered to. Narcissists are often very attractive, because they seem so strong and when they're romancing you, they can make you feel: "This person (most often men, but increasingly now also women) will take care of me and protect me from harm." The problem is that early on when you are the object of desire you can feel that way, but after they have you, too often you learn that their strength is mainly stubbornness and their desire is more often liking you for the way you make them feel about themselves. It turns out not to be about liking you.

As a result, it is a wise thing to smoke out narcissists, before you become involved with one. Here is how to do it:

1. Get them talking to the point where they are going on and on and seem to be enjoying themselves.
2. After they finish say to them: "Gee, I can really appreciate how much you enjoy talking about ________ (fill in the blank about the main subject they were speaking about).
3. Wait for them to nod or say, "Yes."
4. Then say with a coy smile: "You would have enjoyed it even more, if I was listening."

That may seem cruel, but in reality it is teasing someone who may be a little too full of themselves. The neurotic will get embarrassed (as I did above); the narcissist will show a flash of anger.

If you are dealing with a narcissist, run. Think you can change one, think again and read Steven Carter's and Julia Sokol's wonderful book: "Help! I'm in love with a Narcissist."

-Mark Goulston, M.D.
author: The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship
http:/markgoulston.com

The Best Book Ever!
This book has been so helpful to me. If you have ever been in a romatic relationship with a narcissist---you need to read this book. It is incredibly well-researched and well-written. It helps you understand the disorder, why you are attracted to the disorder, what you can do from here, etc. It allows you to feel better about yourself and your life. I commend the authors in their writing and level of depth. I felt like you were spot on in some many ways. Thank you for writing this book. It has made a big difference in my life. Thank you.

Excellent. One of the best on this subject.
The authors actually do not have degrees in psychotherapy yet they know exactly what narcissists are and what they are about.

This book is one of the very best in this subject and the authors give great descriptions, stories, sympathy, and advice for people who are connected with narcissists.

You should read this.