Product Description

Do you get depressed every time a date turns out to be a dud?Are you devastated when you don't get "the call" from a guy you like? Do you constantly check your dates out for marriage potential? Chances are you're taking dating way too seriously. According to Myreah Moore -- "America's Dating Coach" -- women need to start dating to have fun, which is what men have been doing for ages! In fact, Moore says, dating is a lot like a science. And with any scientific experiment, it's trial and error. In Date Like a Man, she steals dating secrets from men (the masters of dating) and transforms them into a personal training program that will boost your dating prospects -- and increase your chances of finding a soul mate.

Clear, candid, and empowering, Date Like a Man makes the manhunt fun -- the way it should be. Even if you think you're a dating expert, you'll devour this manual -- the new bible for surviving and thriving in today's world.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #307868 in Books
• Published on: 2001-02-01
• Released on: 2001-01-23
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 256 pages

Review
"Girl, you are the Diva of Dating!" -- -- Sinbad

About the Author
As "America's Dating Coach," Myreah Moore has helped thousands of women find their soul mates through her personal training sessions and public seminars. Her national television appearances include Sally Jessy Raphael, Leeza, Ricki Lake, Maury, and Geraldo.

Jodie Gould is an author and writer specializing in relationships and popular culture. Her articles have appeared in Cosmopolitan, Elle, Redbook, the New York Times Syndicate and others.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Part I

The Warm-Up: Preparing to Date Like a Man

Why Men Are the Master Daters

You've tried The Rules, you've tried listening to your married friends, and you've even tried listening to your mother. But you're still eating Chinese takeout with your good Friends Monica, Rachel, Ross and Chandler. So how is dating like a man going to change your social life?

Let's start by going back to our cave-dwelling ancestors. According to David Buss, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, men's reproductive drives cause them to value a woman's youth and physical appearance, and to seek out a variety of sex partners.

Women, in contrast, place a higher premium on a mate's ambition, industriousness and social status to help ensure the survival of the species. Like it or not, these basic biological needs still influence the way men and women date today.

In addition, boys learn from day one how to bond with other children through sports. Sports teach boys how to be competitive and work as a team. Above all, sports encourage them to get out of the house and have fun.

Although many girls growing up today are involved in team sports and have parents who teach them that education, career and self-exploration are also priorities, they are still getting the societal message that love relationships are paramount in their lives.

This fact was confirmed in a recent study conducted at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Dr. Karen D. Rudolph, assistant professor of psychology, found that the majority of stress for girls between the ages of eight and eighteen was caused by relationship problems, including fights with their siblings and friends. (Boys were more likely to be stressed about doing poorly in school, getting sick, moving to a new town or getting into trouble.)Now, I'm not saying that relationships aren't important; men want them, too. But guys also know that having a full life means reaching out beyond your small circle of friends, family and community.

One of the advantages of getting out into the world is discovering what you like and what you don't like. You might also find that nine times out of ten, you're not who you think you are.

Remember the disco queen from the seventies, Donna Summer? She grew up in a large family headed by a preacher father who wanted Donna to stay close to home and sing gospel for his church. But Donna knew in her heart that although she was deeply religious and loved her family, she needed to perform on a larger stage.

She tried the stay-at-home role with her first husband, and felt trapped and miserable. So Donna finally decided to pursue her dream of becoming a pop singer. Sure, there were bad times and bad relationships along the way, but she is now happily remarried with several children and wonderful memories of a career in the spotlight.

Like young birds that need to test their wings, women have got to get out into the world before they start a nest of their own. Remember: Men don't settle down until they find themselves. Women don't settle down until they find a man. Find yourself first, then settle.

Men Know What They Want and Need (And How to Get Those Wants and Needs Met)

I told you in the previous section why it's important to find yourself before you find a man. To do this, you must get out in the world and experience as much as possible. At the same time, however, there are exercises that you must do by yourself and for yourself. I call this doing the inner work.

Doing the inner work is an essential part of dating like a man. Men tend to know exactly they want from a career and from a woman. When I asked a young man named Brian how he saw himself in ten years, he described his house, car, wife and breed of dog in full detail. He had already started saving up to buy that snazzy white Corvette.

Women need to train themselves to focus more clearly on their future goals. Every athlete must train before he or she competes. Doing the inner work is training your mind instead of your body. As your personal dating coach, I will show you why doing the inner work will help you identify what your goals are (your needs) and how you can have those needs met.

First, take out a legal pad, a pencil and a timer or stopwatch. Draw a line down the middle of the paper. On one side write "Wants" and on the other side write "Needs."

Set your timer for ten minutes (I don't want you to agonize over this exercise). Start with the "Wants" list. Write down the characteristics that you want in a mate. If you're done quickly, number them in order of importance, with #1 being the most important.

Be as specific as possible. If you want a man to be tall, do you mean over six feet, or taller than you? Do not censor yourself. Let your heart take control of your mind. Don't worry if your list seems foolish or trivial. If it matters to you, write it down. Remember, if you don't write it down, you won't get what you want. Also, this is your wish list, not your mother's or your girlfriend's or your Aunt Julie's.

Here's a sample list that my client Laura made.

Wants

1.Handsome, clean-shaven
2.Over thirty-five
3.Friend first
4.Humorous
5.Educated
6.Politically aware
7.Have a cause in life
8.Christian
9.Kind to animals
10.Kind to kids (will accept my child)
11.Kind to less fortunate people
12.Positive attitude
13.Likes nature walks, shows and aquariums
14.A gentleman
15.Respectful (doesn't curse)
16.Likes to travel

Customer Reviews

a mixed bag -- some good insight, some overgeneralization
The first half of this book provides a self-esteem pep talk and great insight into how men operate, and probably makes it worth the price. It explains how men often think and why some things that you make think are kind (giving him little gifts or paying for dinner) or innocuous (introducing him to your friends or family too soon) are actually scary to many men. The second half was a disappointment. It is filled with simplistic filler -- like lists of types of men & descriptions of each. For example, the "Jock" has "great sexual stamina" and "likes a screamer in bed." The "Nerd" "will go with you to flea markets" and has "kinky Star Trek fantasies", but, the author cautions, "don't bother with a Nerd if sex is vitally important to you". The author advises that take up sailing if you're looking for "Republicans and politically conservative men"; take up rock climbing if you like "high achievers" who are "always reaching for the top." Scuba divers are "deep"; runers "go the distance in relationships." You get the idea -- stereotypes abound. There are also pages titled "Men LIke Blow Jobs" and "Men Like Women Who Swallow" and (although I haven't met them) "Men Don't Like Kissing".

I found the initial pep talk section, which tells us that men adore strong, smart, confident women and encourages us to pursue the PhD or MD and to beat him on the tennis court, to be inconsistent with the advice in the second half of the book -- which suggests that we allow men to rescue us in some ways, so when you find a mouse or spider in your house, don't be afraid to call that cute guy down the street & ask him to come over & help. He may even spend the night on the sofa if you act really scared. (Yes -- that story is in the book). The author also describes a scenario where a client deliberately fell (while rollerblading) in front of a guy she wanted to meet so that he could help her up and give her rollerblading lessons. The message seems to be -- be strong but act weak. Although the author acknowledges up front that dating is game-playing (because men like to play games, she tells us), the advice in the second half of the book seemed a little too manipulative, advising single women, for example, to take a fly-fishing course in Montana.

This is worth reading for pep talk & the insight into how men think & operate. I'm not sure I'd bother with the overgeneralizations & game-playing advice in the second half.

This book depressed me.
I recently decided to join the fun-filled world of dating again. Dating for fun. I read a couple of other books and was really psyched up about it. Then I read this book and wanted to crawl under a rock. I thought maybe I am not ready to get back in the game. Maybe I can't do this. I did not feel entirely good about the situation. Perhaps it was the generalizations about men. I personally do not feel that all men are either pigs or unemotional robots, who care nothing for human beings and all they want is sex, sex, and more sex. Perhaps it is because I am a woman. And I like being a woman, and I don't want to treat dating like a science. I also like to be whimsical and have fun. I don't like my relationships with people to be structured. The authors recommend that you only see the person that you are dating once a week for four months. And that you have a pair and a spare. I just felt her whole attitude towards dating was very cold and machine-like. Date one hundred men before you get married??? What if number 7 is your lucky number? She claims that the goal towards dating should not be marriage. But it sure felt like that was supposed to be the goal to me. Who knows, maybe I am wrong and will end up alone. Admittedly, I read this book for a reason, so I might not know what I am talking about.

The author keeps referring to the book as a "program" and I may be wrong, but this isn't a "program." It is a bunch of advice.

I did give the book two stars because I did feel that there was some good advice. She talks about where to meet people, and the type of men you are likely to attracted at these activites. (generalizations) She also recommends not to dress like a slut, because then men will want you for the dreaded "one thing only." She also focuses on working on the inner self, which is probably the most important advice to ending up in healthy relationships. There is also a lot of stress on not depending on a man for financial resources. Become financially dependent on yourself. Which I think is great advice.

If you want to be a man-eater and approach dating in a very cool scientific manner, then this book is for you. If you want to focus on positive fun relationships with people, then this isn't the book for you.

Biased, maybe? - From a guy.
Okay, so after reading this book, I've learned that I'm the only guy on the planet that likes to kiss girls, and I'm "homophobic" because I'm ...insecure about my "size." C'mon ladies! Where do you get this information? A little too much TV, huh? I saw a girl reading this book, and she had so many pages bookmarked, I had to check it out. I have to agree with many of the themes and statements, but ladies, we're not all this insane. I wear cologne everywhere I go, and half the time its because I like the smell of it. This books says "No guy wears colgne unless he's trolling." Really? So I suppose I'm in love with my cousins, since I wear cologne around family... huh? Don't be so general, and give a guy a break, would you? Don't fill the head of my future wife with such [junk].