Product Description

Do you fall in love hard, but fear intimacy? Are you sick of being told that you are “too sensitive”? Do you struggle to respect a less-sensitive partner? Or have you given up on love, afraid of being too sensitive or shy to endure its wounds?

Statistics show that 50 percent of what determines divorce is genetic temperament. And, if you are one of the 20 percent of people who are born highly sensitive, the risk of an unhappy relationship is especially high. Your finely tuned nervous system, which picks up on subtleties and reflects deeply, would be a romantic asset if both you and your partner understood you better. But without that understanding, your sensitivity is likely to be making your close relationships painful and complicated.

Based on Elaine N. Aron’s groundbreaking research on temperament and intimacy, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love offers practical help for highly sensitive people seeking happier, healthier romantic relationships. From low-stress fighting to sensitive sexuality, the book offers a wealth of practical advice on making the most of all personality combinations. Complete with illuminating self-tests and the results of the first survey ever done on sex and temperament, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love will help you discover a better way of living and loving.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #29267 in Books
• Published on: 2001-01-09
• Released on: 2001-01-09
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 272 pages

Amazon.com
Picking up where The Highly Sensitive Person left off, The Highly Sensitive Person in Love explores the sometimes bumpy but ultimately rewarding terrain that love relationships have to offer this group of people. HSPs, as they are known, make up the estimated 15 to 20 percent of the population that have very sensitive nervous system and are prone to deep reflection and feelings of being overwhelmed by the world. These special characteristics, which tend to be misunderstood as shyness and dismissed as signs of weakness in our highly competitive society, inevitably bring interesting challenges to all kinds of love relationships for HSPs. Author Elaine Aron--who's a psychotherapist, researcher, and an HSP--delves deep to into the subject and surfaces with detailed, helpful, wise advice for HSPs and their partners, be they fellow HSPs or non-HSPs.

Aron details the positive and negative sides to such relationships, including how the HSP benefits, how both members of the relationship benefit, the typical challenges that arise, and solutions to those challenges. For instance, a relationship made up of two HSPs may engender low levels of arousal, or awareness, which means that both of you will avoid doing the same things that make you uncomfortable, such as shopping, dealing with conflict, and being in crowds. Solution? Simplify your life, see if you can hire someone to take care of the tasks neither of you wants to do--but don't forget that doing such tasks is also a way to grow personally--and divvy up the tasks according to preference. As for conflict, Aron says that having a plan of action is the best route--decide how to handle conflict in the relationship before the conflict flares up. Another reality of an HSP-HSP union is that neither person will be able to max out on work and expect to have a decent home life, so at least one of you will have to limit activities. So, plan not to have more than one child if you both work (it may be too late for some couples to put this one into action; if so, Aron advises that one parent stay at home).

Throughout the book, Aron stresses that being in a relationship is a "package deal"; neither the HSP nor the non-HSP is perfect, so she urges readers to appreciate the positive aspects of their sensitivity, be it highly sensitive or not, and not to dwell on its drawbacks. But she does urge HSPs who are unhappy with their trait to work on coming to terms with it--through inner work, counseling, or medication if needed--as its qualities, when properly appreciated, can be life enhancing and beneficial to HSPs as well as to their relationship partners. --Stefanie Durbin

From Publishers Weekly
In her 1996 bestseller, The Highly Sensitive Person, Aron defined "HSPs" as people who "pick up on subtleties, reflect deeply and therefore are easily overwhelmed." A self-professed HSP, Aron identifies the cause of this "innate temperament" as a "strong pause-to-check system" involving the neurotransmitter serotonin. The result, she explains, is "a major, normal, inherited difference in how the entire nervous system functions [and affects] every aspect of life" for 15% to 20% of the population. Aron also identifies inherited traits of "HSSs" or "high sensation seekers," whose love for change and bold risk-taking are spurred by the neurotransmitter dopamine. (Somewhat confusingly, Aron claims that it is possible for one person to be an HSP and an HSS simultaneously, or a non-HSP and a non-HSS, or any combination thereof.) Self-tests help readers assess themselves and their partners in both areas. Based on her research as a psychotherapist, hundreds of personal interviews with individuals and couples, and some recent controlled studies done by others, Aron describes the various possible "personality combinations," reasons for their attraction to one another and potential areas of conflict. Aron offers a fresh way of perceiving the diversity and complexity of human personality that will help readers better understand themselves, their partners and the dynamics of interaction. Agent, Betsy Amster. 4-city tour.
Copyright 2000 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review
?The Highly Sensitive Person in Love gives relationships their proper basis in the inner life, and honors those who are by nature drawn to that life. This wonderful and important book will help the highly sensitive find peace and fulfillment in their relationships.?
--Robert Johnson, Doc.Hum., author of Inner Work and Balancing Heaven and Earth

Customer Reviews

Well-written, engaging, valuable information
I happened to come across this book at the library; I had not read her other works or heard about them. This is one of the most helpful self-help books I've read. I'm not familiar with the research so I have to trust that the author is indeed presenting good information; however, for my situation at least, what she says about HSP makes perfect sense. I understand myself better now and I think her work (because I'm planning on reading her other books) will really help me live the way I want to. Her information is both very interesting theories and practical tips; she lost me a little when she started talking about spirituality but that's because I wasn't as interested in that stuff. Great book!

Love can truly drive a highly sensitive person nutty
The chemicals associated with what scientists call falling in love can really overwhelm the nervous system of an HSP. A particular nerve is activated in the state of attraction that can, even in non-HSPs, create a hypomania state. In the HSP this is like searing the brain with a toxic mixture of hyper-stimulants through the entire organ. A state that is wonderful for most can be the most ungrounding experience if not fraught with fear and dread. This is one book to guide an HSP into staying peaceful in the realm of love.

This book was lame!!
If you're looking for actual pertinent, insightful and useful information you will be disappointed (especially if you are an introspective, educated person with any degree of insight into your own functioning and disposition).