Product Description

"Are you as tired as I am of books constantly telling you about doing your best to understand your parents, doing your homework, making curfew, getting a haircut, dropping that hemline, and blah, blah, blah?"
-- Jay McGraw, from the Introduction

Well, you don't have to be anymore. Life Strategies for Teens is the first guide to teenage life that won't tell you what to do, or who to be, but rather how to live life best. Employing the techniques from Dr. Phillip C. McGraw's Life Strategies, his son Jay provides teens with the Ten Laws of Life, which make the journey to adulthood an easier and more fulfilling trip. Whether dealing with the issues of popularity, peer pressure, ambition, or ambivalence, Life Strategies for Teens is an enlightening guide to help teenagers not only stay afloat, but to thrive during these pivotal years.

Whether you are a teen looking for a little help, or a parent or grandparent wanting to provide guidance, this book tackles the challenges of adolescence like no other. Combining proven techniques for dealing with life's obstacles and the youth and wit of writer Jay McGraw, Life Strategies for Teens is sure to improve the lives of all who read it.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #122643 in Books
• Published on: 2000-12
• Released on: 2000-12-04
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 236 pages

Amazon.com Review
"Are you as tired as I am of books constantly telling you the same old Brady Bunch, Beaver Cleaver, goody-two-shoes BS about doing your best to understand your parents, doing your homework, making curfew, getting a haircut, dropping that hemline, and blah blah blah?" So inquires Jay McGraw, son of bestselling author Phillip C. McGraw, in the introduction to the younger, hipper version of his father's Life Strategies. This funny, straightforward guide helps teens steer rather than drift in life, dealing honestly with topics from peer pressure to TV addiction with the underlying mantra, "Don't like it? Change it." Divided into the same 10 "Life Laws" that are in his father's book (from "We teach people how to treat us" to "There is power in forgiveness"), McGraw urges teens to take control of their lives at every turn. That said, he doesn't expect any young person to respond to the way his father's book is written, so he translates "People do what works" to "The truth about why you can act so weird" and "Life rewards action" to "What are you waiting for? Get it in gear!" He demands that his readers ask themselves hard questions about missed opportunities, perceptions, self-sabotage, and personal shortcomings so they can figure out what's not working and fix it. Why? So that they can turn dreams into goals--with specific timelines and strategies. There's no doubt that the book has the enthusiastic pounding zeal of an aerobics instructor. But it makes a lot of sense, and if a teen took even a few of these lessons to heart, he or she would be more in control than most adults. (Ages 13 and older)

About the Author
Jay McGraw spent his adolescence learning and living the Life Strategies that his father, Dr. Phil McGraw, calls the "Ten Life Laws." Jay has become a prodigy of his father, best-selling author of Life Strategies: Doing What Matters, Doing What Works, a writer with the courage and skill to tell both teens and their parents the truth they need to hear. As Dr. Phil's elder son, Jay has taken these lessons and translated them into a language that teens will be able to understand and enjoy while at the same time showing them how they too can adopt this plan to help deal with life's challenges. As a teen, he has spoken before thousands of teens and parents, and has become a role model that kids gravitate to, and parents accept.

Jay is the son that every parent wants, and the boy every mother wants her daughter to bring home. He is currently a junior at the University of Texas where he is studying psychology with the plans of attending law school. He is a star athlete, a licensed pilot, a member of the Golden Key National Honor Society, has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, and is a certified SCUBA diver and avid golfer. Whether he is coaching his younger brother's basketball team, or volunteering his time tutoring disadvantaged children, Jay has shown himself to be a leader among peers. Jay spends his academic year in Austin, TX and loves coming home to Dallas to spend time with his family -- Dr. Phil, his mother Robin, whom Dr. Phil credits with being the heart of the family, and his brother Jordan.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Life Law One: You Either Get It, Or You Don't

I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.

-- Thomas Watson, Chairman of IBM (1943)

WHY YOU SHOULD READ THIS LIFE LAW

To discover and use the huge power you have to change your life. Learn how the game is played so you can get unstuck and have more of what you want and need. Stop being pissed off and start winning. Become one who gets it.

Kim, a friend of mine in high school, hated our cafeteria food, and at least once a week she would sneak off campus and go to one of the nearby fast-food places. The problem was that our principal caught her every time she came back and gave her a detention.

Kim hated detention but always thought she would get away with leaving "this time." She never did. By Christmas break Kim had served twenty-one detentions.

WHY IS THAT?

Next time your math teacher is droning on and on, why don't you let your mind wander a bit. Think about this: Why do some people seem to do so well while others, like Kim, seem lost and confused and don't appear to have a clue how to do any better?

Take it a step further. How is it, for instance, that Tom and Dave can score the same on an IQ test, yet Tom is a total waste at school while Dave makes straight As? Why is it that Meghan can maintain a great relationship with a guy while Laura, who's much better looking and more vivacious than Meghan, can't get a guy to take her out for more than two weeks? Why is it that Robert has been able to rise up from his abusive childhood and Amy has been able to succeed despite growing up poor while William, who comes from one of the most prominent and richest families in the city, is a total loser?

Why is it that the most popular girl in school is, in fact, the most popular girl in school? Why is it that the star athlete is so determined to succeed? Why is it that the school's class president is so good at organizing and presenting information? Why is it that some kids are so good-natured and so friendly you always want to sit with them at lunch?

Is it because they are more gifted than you? They've got genes that you don't?

Get real. Not a chance.

I hate to be blunt, but there's no better way to say this: These are people who have pulled their heads out of the clouds and decided to learn how the world works. They have stopped stumbling along, they have eliminated the types of behavior that just don't benefit them in the long run, and they have figured out what it's going to take to get the results they want. They don't stew over their problems, they don't look for excuses about why they can't get things done, and they don't get angry and pout about how life can be so unfair. Instead, they have made the effort to change their lives by accumulating certain information, putting together a plan, and applying the right skills.

In short, they "get it." They know that it isn't the luck of the draw that determines who gets to be successful. They know there isn't much guesswork involved in getting the results that matter -- whether those results be good grades, starring roles in anything from a sports team to the drama club, more freedom and independence after school, or even happiness and a deeper sense of peace.

They know there is a kind of "system," or process, that can be used to get ahead of the pack. They have taken the time to study that system. For them, learning that system is no different than learning to drive a car or fly an airplane. They know there is work required to learn how to navigate through life. For them it's never been enough just to become aware that there is a system. They learn how to make that system work for them.

It's no different for you. All you have to do is learn that system and then work it, and you, too, will get what you want.

Sounds sort of cut-and-dried, doesn't it? All you have to do is follow a few rules. Learn a "system." You're thinking, "Come on, Jay, you don't know what you're talking about. Life is very anxiety-ridden, full of problems and weirdness, crazy parents, backstabbing friends, bossy teachers. How can that be?"

Trust me, all you have to do is work the system.

WORKING THE SYSTEM

Are you wondering just what in the heck I am talking about? Think back on the other people you know who are successful. The reason they "get it" is because they refuse to choose behaviors that they know will put them at a disadvantage with the rules of the world. What they do choose are behaviors that they know will get them the things that they want.

Here's an example of how the system works.

Grades: The guys and girls who "get it" in this world know that if they make poor grades, they get a poor level of respect. They know that if they make mediocre grades, they get only mediocre respect. They know that good grades create a level of respect and trust from parents and teachers that they cannot get any other way. They know that good grades lead to more freedom and more responsibility in life.

Here's the important thing: Those who "get it" know that the world's response to good grades is a fact of life that just isn't going to change. They accept that fact and they utilize it. When I was cruising (or so I thought) through my teens, I hopelessly did not "get it" about grades. Whenever the report card came out every six weeks my dad would sit me down for the big talk. He'd say, over and over, "How can you not want to study? How do you not have a thirst for knowledge? How can you not discipline yourself to do this? Don't you hate showing up at school and everybody thinks you're the guy who knows nothing?"

I think I heard the "thirst-for-knowledge" speech a thousand times. I'd tell my dad that I would really do better and study harder the next six weeks. But as soon as I was back in my room, I'd go back to staring at the ceiling. Apparently, I just didn't want to work the system. I'd rather have fun with my friends, concentrate on things like basketball -- you know the story.

But did my refusal to work the system make me any happier? Was I more fulfilled living the carefree existence because I wasn't studying? I'm afraid not. I was always feeling slightly guilty, and slightly worried. Thank God I finally had my moment of epiphany, where I woke up and realized, "Hey, you male bimbo, who are you kidding here? This is your future that you're letting slip away from you." But if I had just "gotten it" when I was fifteen, my life would have been so much better, so much calmer, so much more rewarding.

Many of you are probably like me. You haven't spent much time learning and working the system. Some of you have just drifted along, thinking you can't really affect your destiny until you become an adult. Others of you are out there saying things like you shouldn't have to be judged on such things as your grades. You're saying, "I don't have to conform to the ways of the world."

Maybe you're right, but you're missing the point entirely. I'm not talking about right or wrong; I'm just talking about getting the results you want in your life, period. When you are one of those who "gets it," it's as if you are the star in the movie of your own life, and you are making things happen, rather than waiting for them to happen. You write your own script, you choose who is in the film, and you even direct the action that leads you to the ending you want. Instead of just reacting to whatever comes along in life, you get to live a life you have designed.

Sounds pretty fancy, but think about it. To get anywhere in life, to achieve any of your goals (even the most nonconformist ones), you have to figure out the best way to do it, and that requires you to figure out the rules you must follow and the roles you must play. You want to be a sports star in school? There is a system you have to work to get there. You want to be the most popular kid in school? There is a system you have to work to get there. You want to be in the chess club? There is a system you have to work to get there. You want to live with some passion in your life? There is a system you have to work to get there.

THOSE WHO DON'T GET IT

Please understand, this is not a Life Law aimed only at those of you who want to be the super-great performers. It's also for all of you who know, deep down, that the time has come to put your life together. It's a Life Law for those of you who know you "should" do something about your life and who'd like to change, but who just aren't sure how to change. It's for those of you who blame circumstances for your place in life, but who don't know exactly how to find the circumstances you want. It's for those of you who feel so bored that you don't even like hanging out with yourself.

Think about how much time you've put into some aspects of your life. You've spent hours mastering video games, or sports, or memorizing songs. But you spend little or no time learning the system of life and then working it.

I'm not saying that your goal should be to become fanatically driven and so determined to be successful that you sacrifice all the other parts of your life. I'm not saying that at all. But there's a big difference between just going from day to day barely getting by, versus understanding who you are, how your life works, and how you can take the initiative to design your life. It's only when you finally "get it" that you can beat back all those lingering feelings of anxiety and confusion that you often have at night when you're sitting up in your bedroom alone wondering why no one seems to understand you. It's only when you finally "get it" that you can get to a place where you are no longer ignored, unfairly targeted, or flat-out run over. We know how easy it is for that to happen.

Think of what "getting it" will do for you. If you're in the game of life, whether you're currently playing the game at school for grades, or socially for popularity, or trying to land a certain girlfriend or boyfriend, or competing for a part-time after-school job, think of the incredible edge you will have over everybody else if you understand how the game works.

You will have an advantage because knowledge is definitely power. I see it all the time when I sucker my dad into playing video games with me. He doesn't have a clue how to score, he doesn't know where the trap doors are, he doesn't know how to generate extra points -- so he fumbles along with a ham-fisted approach to a game he just doesn't understand. I slaughter him every single time. I don't mean some of the time; I mean every time. My dad is as smart as me and as quick as me and even has eyes as good as I do, but he just doesn't get it. Half the time he's holding the controller upside down.

No matter how highly you think of yourself, if you don't understand the rules of this world, you are not even a threat when you find yourself in competition with those who do get it, those who have the skills and know the rules. Let me tell you:

Customer Reviews

A Helpful Translation of Teen Perspectives for Parents
"Dad, trust me, when it comes to teens, you don't get it!" Thus, Mr. Jay McGraw told his Dad, Dr. Phil McGraw, that Dr. Phil was violating his own first rule for Life Strategies, You Either Get It or You Don't. Mr. Jay had wanted to use Life Strategies to improve his own life, and found that it took him 6 years (from age 13 to age 19) to translate the lessons into a teen perspective that made sense to Mr. Jay. Mr. Jay was naturally appalled when he found that Dr. Phil had a book contract to do a book on Life Strategies for teens. The project was reborn in Mr. Jay's hands.

By the time Mr. Jay was done, he was no longer a teen, having reached the ripe old age of 20. But his memory of teenage perspectives is strong and salty.

Early in the book, he candidly points out that the teen did not buy this book. It was a gift from an adult, usually a parent. And that's a very good point -- one that I would like to comment on.

I suggest that you read this book before giving it to anyone. That may be its greatest benefit. Mr. Jay does a good job of taking on the key psychological, social, and developmental challenges of the teenage years. As you visit these points of view, you can begin to see how your teenager might see you.

For example, do you ever tell you teen stories about what it was like when you were your teen's age? I know I do. Mr. Jay points out that any self-respecting teen "knows" that those old lessons don't apply now. Times are much different and tougher now. Dad or Mom is just being "boring" again.

Do you ever interrupt your teen? Mr. Jay indicates that that means "that Mom or Dad doesn't ever listen to me." That can cut off the possibility of communication.

There's also a wonderful section on the roles that teenager's today choose to play (their social masks). All of a sudden it clicked. I saw each of our teenager's friends fitting neatly into one of these categories. I could suddenly predict how each would respond in any given situation. Wow! What a gift! Thank you, Mr. Jay!! What has happened is that a few new categories have been established since the Middle Ages when I was a teenager. I am very glad to get up-to-date.

The book itself follows Dr. Phil's 10 laws. You can read my reviews of Life Strategies and the Life Strategies Workbook if you want to know more about them.

Mr. Jay takes the perspective of what the payoff is from the teenage years. For example, he candidly points out that you can decide not to get good grades. But you have to understand that that means that you will get less respect from everyone, and have fewer choices after high school is over. Coming from a parent, that would have sounded preachy. Coming from Mr. Jay, it just sounds matter-of-fact.

Many teenagers are into not reading anything they don't have to, so I don't know how many will read this book. From a psychological point of view, it probably should have been positioned as something like "Have Great Teen Years Without Being Hassled by Your Parents and Friends." The book needs more rebellion against the convention wisdom to be appealing.

Regardless, it is great for us parents. Enjoy the examples, learn the role-playing, appreciate the angst, and avoid acting "boring." And by the time your teen is 24, you'll start to look pretty good in her or his eyes again. Be patient in the meantime.

If you have a pretty good relationship with your teen, a possible approach is to start doing Life Strategies yourself. Ask your teen if he or she would help you with the exercises in that book. As you open up about your issues, hopes, and dreams, you may stimulate an interest in your teen. In the meantime, be sure you have a copy of this book around the house, and be perfectly open about reading it. Who knows what might develop next? You could possibly start a dialogue by asking your teen to tell you what the three things are that you do that most annoy your teen. Then, see if you can do better.

Communication is the most important bridge to your teenager's development. Keep building that bridge daily, in ways that your teenager likes!

Mixed messages
I read this book after The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, and though Life Strategies has some good points, I thought 7 Habits was a much better book.

The page layout of both books is shockingly similar...did they get the same graphic designer or what? Both books are similarly organized, though for 7 Habits the organization makes sense while the "life laws" of Life Strategies seem to be in haphazard order. Both books are written by the sons of the authors of the famous adult versions. Both books promise to have the magic formula for success in life, presented so that teens can understand it. Yeah, right.

Life Strategies does have some good points. Its presentation of goal setting is better than the one in 7 Habits, and its section on why you keep doing those problem behaviors is insightful (and reeks of a clinical psychologist father).

More troublesome was the chapter on how "You Tell People How to Treat You". This chapter is about setting boundaries, a very useful "life law". However, it is stated that people who don't obey your boundaries are "sicko freaks who need therapy or worse". In my experience, I have found that there is a gradient between a perfectly healthy relationship and a horribly abusive relationship. People aren't going to treat you well all the time, and even abusive people do something right once in a while. Dividing everything into black and white doesn't work well for describing the nature of life.

But what bothered me most about this book is its relentless promotion of the status quo. It is somehow assumed that your goals in life are to be popular and get good grades in school. The chapter on assimilating into the system is titled "You Either Get It, Or You Don't" and is described in the introduction as "how to get the L for Loser off your forehead". In later chapters you are advised to change your appearance to what will make you more acceptable to others (but don't let your peers talk you into taking drugs!), every stereotype about teens in school is repeated, and you are told that your parents won't respect you until your grades are excellent. What's wrong with that? In my nineteen years on this planet, I have found that being yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. I don't particularly want to be popular. I'd rather think for myself. I follow the system when it suits me, but more important to me are my principles. The concept of following your principles is in 7 Habits, but not in Life Strategies, where following the crowd seems to be the only principle.

If money is no object, there are some good ideas in Life Strategies for Teens which make the book worth the read. However, if you have to choose, both The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens and Teens Can Make It Happen are better than this uneven and sometimes contradictory book.

A genuine key to success for teens!
I snagged an advance copy of this book and my husband and I , parents of three teenage sons, read it without ever putting it down. Wow! My husband questioned whether a man of 20 tender years could take on such an important and difficult topic.We say the answer is a resounding "yes"! Not only are the 10 life strategies scientifically well grounded, young Jay McGraw was raised by these laws, while struggling with all the typical issues faced by teens. Who better to write this book.

Jay writes with amazing clarity and uses examples with which everyone will identify. The real surprise about this book is that its message applies to every life situation, whether problem solving or achieving goals. Also, it would be a mistake for parents to assume that it is only a "kid" book. Parents must read it to better understand their own teen, and who knows, they may learn application of the 10 life laws for themselves.

Great Job, Jay McGraw. Thank you for a contribution to teens and parents alike that is beyond measure.