Product Description

The practical handbook for having that difficult conversation you've been avoiding by the authors of the award-winning and bestselling Boundaries. Now with a discussion guide!

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #113349 in Books
• Published on: 2006-01-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 320 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9780310267140
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
• Click here to view our Condition Guide and Shipping Prices

From the Back Cover
A practical handbook on positive confrontation, now available in softcover with a discussion guide Successful people confront well. They know that setting healthy boundaries improves relationships and can solve important problems. They have discovered that uncomfortable situations can be avoided or resolved through direct conversation. But most of us don’t know how to have difficult conversations, and see confrontation as scary or adversarial. Authors Henry Cloud and John Townsend take the principles from their bestselling book, Boundaries, and apply them to a variety of the most common difficult situations and relationships in order to: • Show how healthy confrontation can improve relationships • Present the essentials of a good boundary-setting conversation • Provide tips on preparing for the conversation • Show how to tell people what you want, stop bad behavior, and deal with counterattack • Give actual examples of conversations to have with your spouse, your date, your kids, your coworker, your parents, and more!

About the Author
Dr. Henry Cloud is a popular speaker, and co-host, with Dr. John Townsend, of the nationally broadcast New Life Live! Radio program, and cofounder of Cloud-Townsend Clinic and Cloud-Townsend Resources. His bestselling books include the Gold Medallion Award-winning Boundaries books and Making Small Groups Work. Dr. Cloud and his wife and two daughters live in Southern California.

El Dr. Henry Cloud es un conferenciante de gran popularidad. Con el Dr. John Townsend es anfitrión del programa de radio New Life Live!, además de ambos ser fundadores de la Clínica Cloud-Townsend y de la organización Cloud-Townsend Resources. Es el autor de varios libros premiados con el reconocimiento Gold Medallion, entre ellos «Límites» y «El poder transformador de los grupos pequeños». El Dr. Cloud, su esposa y sus dos hijas radican en el Sur de California.

Dr. John Townsend, clinical psychologist, entertaining speaker, and co-founder of Cloud-Townsend Resources, has authored or co-authored nineteen books, including the best selling Gold Medallion book 'Boundaries,' and Boundaries in Marriage. Dr. Townsend is a regular co-host on New Life Live Radio, and together with Dr. Henry Cloud he developed the Ultimate Leadership Program, a highly effective week-long workshop designed to accelerate the personal and professional growth of businesspeople, pastors, ministry, and small-group leaders. He also partners with Church Communications Network, which broadcasts his leadership and relationship talks and seminars to churches via satellite across North America. Dr. Townsend lives in Southern California.

Dr. John Townsend es un popular conferencista y un conocidísimo autor bestter. Es graduado de psicología clínica de Rosemead Gradúate School of Psychology de Biola University. Además es coautor de numerosos libros incluyendo el ganador de la Medalla de Oro Limites. El es coanfitrion del programa radial emitido a nivel nacional !New Life Live!

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
How to Have That Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding Copyright © 2003, 2005 by Henry Cloud and John Townsend Formerly titled: Boundaries Face to Face Requests for information should be addressed to: Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan 49530 Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data Cloud, Henry. [Boundaries face to face] How to have that difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding : with your spouse, your adult child, your boss, your coworker, your best friend, your parent, someone you’re dating / Henry Cloud and John Townsend. — 1st ed. p. cm. Originally published: Boundaries face to face. Grand Rapids, Mich. : Zondervan, c2003. With discussion guide. ISBN-13: 978-0-310-26714-0 ISBN-10: 0-310-26714-5 I. Townsend, John Sims, 1952– II. Title. BV4597.53.C58C59 2006 158.2 — dc22 2005027779 All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible: New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved. Italics in Scripture quotations are added by the authors for emphasis. Scripture quotations marked nasb are from the New American Standard Bible®, © Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. The website addresses recommended throughout this book are offered as a resource to you. These websites are not intended in any way to be or imply an endorsement on the part of Zondervan, nor do we vouch for their content for the life of this book. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means — electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any other — except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the publisher. Published in association with Yates & Yates, LLP, Attorneys and Counselors, Suite 1000, Literary Agent, Orange, CA. Interior design by Beth Shagene Printed in the United States of America 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 • 19 18 17 16 15 14 13 12 11 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 The Talk Can Change Your Life As we speak around the country at conferences on relationships, we will often hear some version of the following story. A man will come up and say, “Thanks for your materials on setting limits and boundaries. They have changed my life and my marriage.” We will say, “Thank you, too. So what book did you read?” “I didn’t read a book,” the man will say. “My wife did!” He will go on to explain: “I was a crummy communicator with my wife. I controlled her, I had some bad habits, and I had no spiritual life to speak of. Then she read Boundaries, and she started applying the principles. That’s when things started changing for both of us. It took some time and effort, but I’m really different now. We are closer, and we have more respect for each other and more freedom in the relationship. I’m doing a lot better with those bad habits, and I’m waking up to my relationship with God.” You would normally expect someone to talk about a book he has actually read. However, this man’s unexpected response illustrates a reality: The person who has the problem in a relationship often isn’t taking responsibility for his problem. This was bad news for the man’s wife. She wanted to see change, but he either didn’t see a problem, thought it wasn’t a big issue, or thought his wife was overreacting. This can leave the wife who cares for her husband feeling helpless, discouraged, and less able to feel love in her heart for him. But there is good news. Though the person with the problem may not be taking responsibility for, or “owning,” the problem, the person affected by the problem can change things. You may be the motivated one, the one who is concerned, sees the problem, and feels discomfort from it, whether it be a bad attitude or a bad behavior. In fact, you may be feeling more pain and discomfort than the other person. In our example, the wife, before confronting her husband, most likely had to deal with isolation, lack of freedom, his bad habits, and the emptiness of not having a spiritual partner. Things can change when the person experiencing the effects of the problem takes the initiative to resolve it. This wife took the first step. She became aware that her husband’s ways weren’t good for either of them and that nothing would change unless she did something herself. That first step is often a conversation, a talk, a face-to-face confrontation with the other person. It is a conversation in which the two people discuss the problem and what can be done about it. It is a talk of truth. That single conversation may be all that’s needed. But more likely, it will be the beginning of a series of conversations and events, as it was with the marriage in our example. We want to affirm and validate your decision to have “the conversation you have been avoiding.” How to have that conversation is the core need this book addresses. You need a caring yet honest and effective way to confront someone in your life. The Bible teaches — and research supports the idea — that you can develop the skills and tools to be able to confront well. Things can changewhen the person experiencing the effects of the problem takes the initiative to resolve it. What Is a Boundary? Before we go further, however, we need to define a term that will come up a lot in this book: boundary. Simply put, a boundary is your personal “property line.” It defines who you are, where you end, and where others begin. It refers to the truth, to reality, to what is. When you confront someone about a problem, you are setting a boundary. You can set a boundary with your words when you are honest and when you establish a consequence for another’s hurtful actions. Boundaries help define who we are in our relationships. When we know what we want and do not want, what we are for and against, what we love and hate, what is “me” and what is “not me,” we are setting boundaries. People with good boundaries are clear about their opinions, beliefs, and attitudes — in the way that Jesus taught: “Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one” (Matt. 5:37). People without clear boundaries are unsure of their opinions, feelings, and beliefs. They find themselves easily controlled by the demands of others because they feel unsure of themselves when they need to take a stand. Boundaries also help protect us from injury and harm. By setting boundaries we can take responsibility for the lives and gifts God has given us: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Prov. 4:23). Boundaries protect our values, feelings, time, energy, and attitudes. When a person says to another, “I want you to stop criticizing me in public,” he is setting a protective boundary. God himself has boundaries. He designed them and lives them out. He is clear on who he is, what he is for, and what he is against. He is for relationship, truth, love, and honesty, and he is against oppression, injustice, sin, and evil: “For I, the Lord, love justice; I hate robbery and iniquity” (Isa. 61:8). (For more information on boundaries, please refer to our books Boundaries, Boundaries in Marriage, Boundaries with Kids, and Boundaries in Dating.) In this book we deal with one specific aspect of boundaries: We tell you how to set them by having a helpful and effective “talk” with another person. We will sometimes refer to that confrontation as a boundary conversation, that is, a talk with someone in which you confront a problem you want to resolve with the person.

Customer Reviews

Confrontation 101
Does the mere word "confrontation" give you a stomach ache? If so, it may help to know that, according to Cloud and Townsend, the word literally means to come face to face with another person-- in other words, it is a positive relational term. This book gives practical, step-by-step advice on how to have difficult but vital conversations with people you are in relationship with. It outlines strategies for how to prepare, how to remain loving, and how to keep the conversation on track. Although it focuses on "big" conversations about matters that may have been brewing for a while, it is also useful for smaller, day-in day-out kinds of confrontations. Some people grow up in homes that encourage this kind of interaction, and some people grow up avoiding such matters. Cloud and Townsend give a biblical basis for operating in both grace and truth, just as Jesus came full of grace and truth.

This book is best understood in the context of the book Boundaries, by the same authors. However, it can also stand on its own.

Exactly What the Title Says!
Apparently, at some point in the past, there was a book called, Boundaries Face to Face. Thankfully, Cloud and Townsend changed the title to something a bit more practical. Though I would never pick up `Boundaries Face to Face' I immediately picked up `How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding With Your Spouse, Adult Child, Family, Boss, Coworker, Friend, Parent, or Someone You're Dating.'

Having a lot of opportunities to listen to people who are wondering how to have difficult conversations with others, this book will become a permanent, staple reference. It is simple, practical, and gives godly wisdom on the art of confrontation and communication.

Overall the book is great. I think a little more attention could be paid to dealing with people who refuse to stay on topic, but this is really a very minor point throughout the book. Overall, it is an excellent guideline for biblical confrontation with others and I would highly recommend it.

For a full review go to my blog in my screen name and click on the Readings category.

How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding: With Your Spouse, Adult Child, Boss, Coworker, Best Friend, Pare
Full of practical considerations; enabled me to think about areas in the relationship I had not considered before. Highly recommend.