Product Description

A how-to book for men that seeks to clarify distinctions between the sexes with a view toward building a stronger marital relationship with this understanding.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #18427 in Books
• Published on: 1997-01-13
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Mass Market Paperback
• 208 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9780310214786
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
• Click here to view our Condition Guide and Shipping Prices

From the Back Cover
Do you want your wife to: - understand you? - appreciate you? - be more responsive sexually? - support you during hard times? - admire you? - share your interests? - listen to what you have to say?

About the Author
Gary Smalley is one of he country's best-known authors and speakers on family relationships. He is the award-winning, best-selling author or coauthor of sixteen books, as well as several popular films and videos. The Blessing and The Two Sides of Love have won Gold Medallions, The Language of Love won the Angel Award as the best contribution to family life, and his other titles have received Silver Medallions. His national infomercial Hidden Keys to Loving Relationships has been viewed by television audiences all over the world. Gary and his wife, Norma, have been married for over thirty years and live in Branson, Missouri.

Dr. Gary Smalley es uso de los mejores autores y oradores del país acerca de las relaciones familiares. Es autor y coautor de veintiocho bestsellers, incluyendo el más reciente "The DNA of Relationships" (El AND de las relaciones). Gary ha asistido a programas de televisión como Opray, Larry King Live y Today Show, al igual que en numerosos programas nacionales de radio. El es presidente y fundador del Centro de Relaciones Smalley. El y Norma, su esposa, residen en Branson, Missouri.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
If Only I Knew Before I approached Gary about writing a "marriage book for men," I knew his material was good, but I had no idea how meaningful it would be to me personally. After all, I had been married for almost ten years and I was nearly an "ideal husband" ... I thought. As I began to work with Gary on the material for this book, it became more and more clear that I was not a successful husband by any stretch of the imagination. I was providing for my wife's material needs and some of her physical needs, but that's where it stopped. As I got deeper into the content, I realized that for years I had been unaware of many of my wife's emotional needs. For years, she had to put up with a husband whose callousness and indifference forced her to suffer through day after day of not having her deeper needs lovingly satisfied. I am extremely grateful for all that I have learned in the past two months. At last my eyes have been opened, and I see my wife as the unique, beautiful individual that she really is. I am devoting the rest of my life to becoming the husband she deserves. The content of this book not only opened my eyes to my wife and her needs, but it gave me concrete ways to meet those needs. If you get one-tenth the value from this book that I have gleaned from its pages, it will be the most valuable book you'll ever read about marriage. Steve Scott

Chapter 1 How to Drive Your Wife Away Without Even Trying "You husbands likewise, live with your wives in an understanding way." 1 Peter 3:7 AT THE OTHER end of the phone a quivering voice said, "You've got to help me. She has a court order against me." George was coming to me for help after his relationship with his wife was already in shreds. "We've been married over twenty years, and she won't even let me back in the house. I can't believe she would treat me this way after all I've done for her. Can you help us get back together?" Before I answered his question, I wanted to talk to his wife. "There's no way you can talk to Barbara," he said. "She wouldn't talk to you. The moment you say you're representing me in any way, she'll hang up on you." "I've never been turned down by a wife yet," I assured him, "so we might as well see if this will be the first time. Would you give me her phone number?" To be honest, as grim as things sounded, I did wonder if she would be the first wife not willing to talk to me about her marital strife. But my doubts were unfounded—she was more than anxious to discuss their problems. "What would it take for you to be willing to let your husband back into your life? What would have to happen before you would try to rebuild a marriage relationship with him?" Those were the same questions I had asked many wives who claimed they didn't want their husbands back. Her response was typical. "I can't possibly answer that question. He's the worst husband in the world, so I wouldn't think of taking him back. I can't stand his personality or his offensive habits any more." The court order would take care of him, she told me. "Just keep him away!" I gently asked her if she could tell me the things he had done to offend her. When I heard her response, I said, "It sounds like he hasn't been a very sensitive and gentle husband, has he?" Once again I asked her to stretch her imagination and think about what changes would be necessary before she would take him back. There was plenty of room for improvement, she told me. First, he was too domineering and critical of her. Second, he tried to control her every move with a possessive grip. Third, he trampled her sense of self-worth with constant ridicule. And fourth, although he always had time for business and other interests, he seldom took time to listen to her. On top of all that, he spied on her and didn't give her any freedom. "Don't get any ideas, though," she told me at the end of our conversation. "Because no matter what, I won't stop the divorce." When I relayed these complaints to George, I knew I had touched some sensitive spots. He defended himself and accused her. I let him rant for a while before asking, "Do you want your wife back?" "Yes, I'd do anything to get her back," he said. "Good. I'm always willing to work with someone ready to readjust his life. But if you're not totally serious, let me know now. I don't like to play games." Again he committed himself to change, but his commitment didn't last beyond my next statement. "We're going to have to work on your domineering and possessive nature. It shows you don't genuinely love your wife." He fumed and spouted, defended and fought so much I began to wonder if he really would commit himself to the necessary changes. "I've never met a more belligerent, stubborn man in my entire life!" I exclaimed. Suddenly subdued, he responded, "That's not my nature. I'm usually rather submissive inside. Maybe I'm putting up a front because I'm really not a pushy person. I feel like people run all over me." "I don't think you and I are talking about the same person," I responded. "If I were your wife, I'm not sure I could bear up emotionally under your domineering personality." That stopped him long enough for him to give our conversation some serious thought. After talking to his friends and even praying that God would help him understand, he returned to my office, able to confess his faults and ready to change.

Customer Reviews

Paydirt For Married Men
I just recommended this little treasure to a friend whose wife has "shut down", and whose marriage is headed for disaster, so I decided to take a second trip through it myself.

Guys, this little book can save your marriage. You just don't realize how you are driving her away. Smalley takes an honest look at himself, and at me (and I wager, at you)and it hurts...I've found some tears in this process. We are to love our wife like Jesus loved the church, and gave Himself for her. As spiritual heads of the home, it is our responsibility to meet these deep needs that are so different from our own. This book will open your eyes.

A book is not a quick fix for a marriage in trouble. But this little book is preventive maintenance and on-going tune-up material. For the guy that senses he is already in deep trouble, this treasure from Smalley can be a turning point. I am going to buy several copies for some of my dearest friends.

Every man should understand his wife's needs at this level.

Wake up gentlemen, before you hurt her any more.

How YOU can change your marriage
My husband and I own both of these books. They really are best if you read them together: If Only He Knew (for the guys) and For Better or for Best (for the gals). I have reccomended these books to many people. I believe they help improve communication in marriage (and also other relationships!) so that you learn how to be a better partner in the relationship.

I have been reading many of these reviews. The people who were helped by it, were helped greatly. The people who did not like the content of the book, all seemed to feel that the book shouldn't be telling them what THEY need to change to improve their marriage. Look guys! There are TWO books! One for the man and one for the woman. The woman's book tells her what SHE needs to change to improve her marraige with her husband, what SHE needs to do to understand his needs, and communicate with him on his level. The man's book tells him what HE needs to do to improve his marriage. What HE needs to do so his wife will understand him. If the man's book told the reader what his wife needs to do to change, how exactly would that help??? He is supposed to be looking for answers to how HE needs to change, what HE needs to do, how HE can take action to repair past mistakes and plan for a happier future. Only you can change your own actions, you can not change your spouse. If you are reading the man's book then I think it should be telling the reader what the man needs to know and what the man can do to change. Yes, sometimes the author uses extreme examples. Sometimes the examples will look nothing like your life. Sometimes, they might resemble your life a little too closely that it makes you uncomfortable. You may not benefit frome very single chapter in the book. I don't benefit from every single chapter of every book I read. This isn't the Bible, it's a help book. If it helps, then it has done it's job.

I think perhaps if you really want to change your marriage, and make it better, you need to accept that perhaps you will have to change yourself first, before you can expect to change your mate. If you aren't looking for a book that offers advice on what YOU can do, then you won't like this book. If you are just looking for a book that you can hand to your wife and say "You need to change so we can have a better marriage" then you won't like this book. If you're looking for a SET of books that show both of you how to compromise, communicate better and be more compassionate to one another, and which will speak to each of you on your own level, then you will like these books.

Blessings to you all.

Men, this book will help you realize how insensitive we are.
My relationship IS in trouble, my wife suggested I read this book. I just finished it about 10 minutes ago and will be getting in my car to drive over 1,000 miles tonite to be with my wife and beg her forgiveness for my insensitivity. It will take much courage for me to follow the advice this book offers, but I am confident that it will help me achieve the results that I just don't know how reach yet. I will submit a follow up message after my marriage is back on the right track. I wish I had read this book several years ago, I'm sure I would have avoided offending my most precious wife long ago. Reading this book should be mandatory for all couples (husbands) before the second year of their relationships. I will be purchasing the companion book, "For better or for Best" as soon as the bookstores open tommorow. (Today is Easter Sunday) Steve