Product Description

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #1934 in Books
• Published on: 2008-03
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 304 pages

From the Inside Flap
"Tavris and Aronson have combined their formidable skills to produce a gleaming model of social insight and scientific engagement. Make no mistake, you need to read this book." -- Robert B. Cialdini, author of Influence: Science and Practice

Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell?

In this terrifically insightful, engaging new book, renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. When we make mistakes, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right— a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong. Backed by years of research, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception—how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it. Turn the page, but be advised: You will never be able to shun blame quite so casually again.

From the Back Cover

“Every page sparkles with sharp insight and keen observation. Mistakes were made—but not in this book!” –Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness

Why do people dodge responsibility when things fall apart? Why the parade of public figures unable to own up when they screw up? Why the endless marital quarrels over who is right? Why can we see hypocrisy in others but not in ourselves? Are we all liars? Or do we really believe the stories we tell?

Backed by years of research and delivered in lively, energetic prose, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-deception—how it works, the harm it can cause, and how we can overcome it.

"Hypocrisy is hardest to see in oneself. Tavris and Aronson, both social psychologists, demonstrate the whys and hows of this maxim by blending research with anecdotal evidence from celebrities, presidents, and CEOs."--Psychology Today

"Thanks, in part, to the scientific evidence it provides and the charm of its down-to-earth, commonsensical tone, Mistakes Were Made is convincing. Reading it, we recognize the behavior of our leaders, our loved ones, and—if we're honest—ourselves, and some of the more perplexing mysteries of human nature begin to seem a little clearer."—Francine Prose, O, The Oprah Magazine

CAROL TAVRIS is a social psychologist and author of Anger and The Mismeasure of Woman. She has written for the Los Angeles Times, the New York Times, Scientific American, and many other publications. She lives in Los Angeles.

ELLIOT ARONSON is a social psychologist and author of The Social Animal. The recipient of many awards for teaching, scientific research, writing, and contributions to society, he is a professor emeritus at the University of California, Santa Cruz.

Visit www.MistakesWereMadeButNotByMe.com.

About the Author
CAROL TAVRIS is a social psychologist and author of Anger and The Mismeasure of Woman. She has written for the Los Angeles Times, the New York Times, Scientific American, and many other publications. She lives in Los Angeles.

Customer Reviews

how ego maintenance exacts a huge price
Who wants to admit he was wrong, made a mistake, exercised poor judgment, was misled or conned? None of us do, but most of us are skillful at excusing or justifying those acts. This absorbing book explains why and how we reduce "cognitive dissonance" to maintain a favorable self image in spite of overt misbehavior or failure. Beyond that, the authors show how destructive this tendency can be, not just in terms of social fairness or justice but also in the insidious corrosion of our own beings. There are fascinating examples of the most mind-boggling efforts to justify inexcusable, criminal, inhuman, and hateful behavior. And there are inspiring stories of people, good people who nevertheless state clearly that they blew it, that they were responsible for another person's destruction, loss, freedom, reputation, or life itself. Finally, this book offers real hope in showing an alternative to our culture's perverse fear of making a mistake and even worse, admitting to one. They provide true stories of how such admissions can actually deter litigation instead of inviting it. In an engaging yet logical argument they make a most convincing case for the power and healing potential of personal humility, honesty, and continual self-examination. If this book was widely read and its principles applied I think there would be a lot of unemployed attorneys. And a far better world to live in. I will be re-reading this book soon.

Amazing book!
This book manages to be entertaining, informative, and utterly terrifying at the same time! Amazing collection of examples of how we justify our actions from all sides of human life -- politics, law enforcement, medical practice, science, relationships.

PS: According to the book you should not listen to people who already bought the book when deciding if you should buy it. People who already made the decision to get the book will be biased to give a positive recommendation. ;-)

You don't need to read it ALL
At first, I sensed the volume was going to be redundant, overly repetitive--and to some extent that is true. The authors make their "cognitive dissonance" (discomfort which leads to self-justification, even unconsciously) point in Chapter One, and proceed to bore us with elaborations on the same theme. Everything is very logically presented and well written, but it is simply example after example of their main Chapter One thesis: Dissonance fosters self-justification.

I say start with Chapter One (which tells the what of dissonance) and skip to Chapter 8 (which explains the emotional whys and how to stop it via self reflection). Then read a chapter or two in-between if you are further interested. For me, Chapter Six, is the only chapter that held my complete attention--I was glued to it. The subtitle is "Love's Assasssin: Self-Justification in Marriage." This is relevant to me because I vividly remember going through a separation with an ex-girlfiend and this certainly made me reflect on both of our behaviors. You may find a different chapter of significance.

The message of the book is that people (mates, politicians, business executives, lawyers and the rest of us) tend to self-justify our wrong behavior--all to reduce dissonance and ambivalence for consonance.

Maybe this is one of those topics where the writers just can't present their point once, but have to flesh it out in the rest of the book so the average reader can get it more thoroughly. Like good teachers they plant the idea (theory, they admit) in our minds, then reinforce the concept so we'll never for it--and we don't dare practice ill-behavior emotionally harmful to a relationship, or even ourselves.

The authors say we all want to move from dissonance (emotional and mental discomfort over what we or others consider bad behavior) to consonance (comfort) in our actions and attitudes. To some extent the book seems rather textbookish, but it can't be expected to read like a novel--not that textbooks should be boring. Dissonance is said to hurt self-esteem because the "mind wants to protect itself from pain...with the balm of self-justification...." (p. 216-7). But dissonance has its positive side, too, they acknowledge, by forcing us to take stock (or not) of our interpersonal behavior. The authors track self-justification through the topics of "family, memory, therapy, law, prejudice, conflict and war" (p. 222), and they tell the ugly and the good.

Had it not been for Chapter Six, especially, then chapters One and Eight, necessarily, I would have rated the book a three.