Product Description

Pushy parents have gotten a bad rap, says psychologist and achievementcoach Jim Taylor. In Positive Pushing, Taylor contrasts the old-stylepushing of parents overinvested in their kid's report cards and soccer scoreswith the positive pushing of parents who invite children to gain joy from andmastery in their accomplishments. "Success without happiness is not success atall," he explains.In building a model of successful achievers, Taylor skewers the self-esteemmovement for protecting kids from disappointment and mistakes--the veryexperiences that build sturdy self-regard. He urges parents to separate theirneeds from their children's. His marching orders are clear and compelling: guidekids to discover a passion; express love apart from achievement; create a humanbeing, not a "human doing"; use boundaries to construct a safe harbor; anddemand accountability. Most important, put kids in charge by teaching them thatthe results they produce depend on their efforts and actions. Taylor describesred-flag warnings to keep parents on course and offers smart questions forhelping kids command their achievements, asking, for example, "Why do you wantto do this?" and "What would make this a really great experience for you?"At times, Taylor's unique approach is undercut by a tendency to quote othersources. Still, his own fresh and insightful words will inspire every parent whoreads this book. --Barbara Mackoff

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #270179 in Books
• Published on: 2003-04-23
• Released on: 2003-04-23
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 304 pages

Amazon.com
Pushy parents have gotten a bad rap, says psychologist and achievement coach Jim Taylor. In Positive Pushing, Taylor contrasts the old-style pushing of parents overinvested in their kid's report cards and soccer scores with the positive pushing of parents who invite children to gain joy from and mastery in their accomplishments. "Success without happiness is not success at all," he explains.

In building a model of successful achievers, Taylor skewers the self-esteem movement for protecting kids from disappointment and mistakes--the very experiences that build sturdy self-regard. He urges parents to separate their needs from their children's. His marching orders are clear and compelling: guide kids to discover a passion; express love apart from achievement; create a human being, not a "human doing"; use boundaries to construct a safe harbor; and demand accountability. Most important, put kids in charge by teaching them that the results they produce depend on their efforts and actions. Taylor describes red-flag warnings to keep parents on course and offers smart questions for helping kids command their achievements, asking, for example, "Why do you want to do this?" and "What would make this a really great experience for you?"

At times, Taylor's unique approach is undercut by a tendency to quote other sources. Still, his own fresh and insightful words will inspire every parent who reads this book. --Barbara Mackoff

From Publishers Weekly
Taylor, a psychologist who has worked with young achievers in sports, education and the performing arts for 17 years, helps parents determine how to give their child encouragement and the emotional resources not only to succeed but to deal with success in a healthy way. Arguing that pushing is necessary for children to take risks and discover their strengths, he advises parents how to push while focusing on self-esteem, ownership and emotional mastery what he calls the three pillars of successful achievers. Taylor stresses the importance of parental involvement, but warns that many parents go overboard, getting too involved in their child's achievements and denying the child "ownership" of their own experiences. Instead, Taylor suggests parents help their child focus on the process rather than a winning outcome, and keep a balance in their life. To wit, he provides useful guidelines for how much time should be spent on achievement activities, and recommends not more than two such activities per child to ensure that they don't infringe on playtime and family time. In each chapter, he lists "red flags" warning signs in children's behavior that indicate parents are pushing too much or too little. Taylor's thoughtful, clear-eyed approach to a controversial subject will be appreciated by parents raising kids in a competitive world.
Copyright 2002 Cahners Business Information, Inc.

From Booklist
Parents eternally struggle to strike a balance between complacency and overzealousness in the way they push their children. Taylor, a Ph.D and counselor to children in sports, the arts, and education, presents a sensible plan for achieving that balance. His approach is three-tiered, starting with self-esteem, moving on to ownership, and finally arriving at emotional mastery. Each pillar is thoroughly explored and explained with research and clinical backup. Taylor demystifies old "truths" and offers new advice on child rearing. Somewhere between the overindulgent parent who never says no and praises everything her child does and the overly critical parent who condemns her child's every move is the middle ground that Taylor advocates, which relies on parents' ability to mitigate their own expectations based on their child's emotional, physical, and intellectual makeup. Still, parents are advised to push a child to his full potential, to be sure, but understanding a child's development is key to avoiding common pitfalls to motivation. A positive, useful guide for helping children succeed. Mary Frances Wilkens
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Customer Reviews

A brilliant guidng force in our confused, high-pressure times
Positive Pushing speaks to our times and the difficulties parents face when determining how much or how little to push their children to achieve success in life. We all want to motivate our kids to succeed in life, but how much is too much? When do we push and when do we back off? Dr. Taylor, through examples, research, and his own personal wisdom, walks this delicate line, showing the pitfalls and dangers of both sides, and leads us to creating a healthy, balanced and purposeful life for our young ones. In the highly competitive world we live in today, no home with children should be without this important work on their bookshelf.

Positive Pushing is just that!
If you're living vicariously through the life of your child- step out of the way. In his book Positive Pushing, Dr. Jim Taylor teaches parents to step back and examine the root of their attitudes towards their child's successes and failures and provides a win-win model for positive encouragement. He teaches parents to equip their children with an internal compass to which they can gauge their own successes and failures, while always keeping focused on giving their personal best.

Trying too hard
Jim Taylor is pushing too hard in trying to resolve various parenting and parenting/adult issues in one book. He probable knows a lot about achievement but he couldn't convince me about how positive pushing/control can be with kids--he starts with a promising argument but feters out in his style of discussion. He cites good research but his own ideas/interpretations are unoriginal and unconvincing. He is also inconsistent in his opinions (i.e., unconditional love does not exist then in next sentence he says that parents are to love their kids without condition). He also talks about achieving "balance" without real-life solutions. He does have lists of behavioral solutions in the end of the chapters but they seem disjointed and almost exhaustive, making me feel more like my kids and I would be more exhausted than "balanced". The tone of his book was bland and too distancing--I found myself skimming his chapter intros. He sounds more like a motivational speaker or academician than an experienced parent (he cites kids/families he's worked with but no personal stories about his own family). For a more "balanced" approach in parenting and easier read, I recommend "Hold on to Your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate.