Product Description

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #1238 in Books
• Published on: 1998-05-15
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 432 pages

Amazon.com Review
People joke that the start of a couple's marriage means the end of their sex life. David Schnarch, a sex therapist praised by Pepper Schwartz, uses epiphany-laden conversations taken directly from his own marriage and the married couples he sees in practice to help readers defy the myth that marriages are necessarily passionless, and instead prove that the longer a couple has been together, the higher the fireworks can fly. It's especially aimed at older couples who, Schnarch says, are self-actualized and therefore better able to handle intimacy than younger partners. "People have difficulty with intimacy because they're supposed to," he says, and goes on in this inspiring book to combine elements of marriage therapy and sex therapy to bring plenty of practical, fresh ideas to the crowd of mostly vapid relationship books. (Note that despite its title, it's for any emotionally committed couple, not just married folks.)

Schnarch says that a man is more likely to let a relationship suffer in order to hold on to his sense of self, while a woman is more apt to let her identity suffer to help strengthen it. Schnarch gives explicit tips on how to alter this pattern, an essential step he calls "differentiation." He also explains why compromise isn't always the best route to take when conflicts arise. The couples profiled here deal with the usual suspects: uneven sexual desire and initiation, battles about oral sex, self-image problems, the "boondoggle" of trust (both of one's self and one's partner), and the specter of divorce. Instead of focusing on each client's weaknesses, Schnarch teaches how to find inner strength and resilience that can be used to reaffirm a relationship and reignite sex. William H. Masters of Masters and Johnson fame calls this book "a classic," and no wonder. --Erica Jorgensen

From Library Journal
Living in a "dead" relationship? Want to make it more passionate? More intimate? More loving? Schnarch (Constructing the Sexual Crucible, Norton, 1991) takes the reader behind the scenes as couples describe similar feelings as well as their explicit sexual encounters during dramatic therapy sessions. The book is divided into three sections. The first section gives the reader a framework for understanding his or her existing relationship so that it can grow. The second section gives detailed instructions on ways to make sex better and more intimate. The last chapters show how sex and intimacy operate together in marriage. A potentially useful guide; recommended for larger well-circulating self-help collections.?Marty Dean Evensvold, Magnolia P.L., Tex.
Copyright 1997 Reed Business Information, Inc.

Review
"A classic."--William H. Masters, M.D.
-- Review

Customer Reviews

Gutwrenching, lifechanging, gutwrenching
I went over the hell of pain reading this book. I made skyscraper of realizations, and so far made only couple of floors of improvements. I am still in 'five steps forward, four steps back' motion while working on myself. But this lifechanging book... I would recommend it to anyone - married or single, it does not matter. It also does not matter where your lack of integrity pops up - be it work, social life, friendship or marriage. It will pop up everywhere and is rooted in the same causes pointed out in book.

Instead of being purely behavioral guide, like most books are, this book, with reader's will, can help mobilize what is best in them, not just follow checkbox guide. English is my 3rd language, and book is much more difficult to read than say, 'Seven Principles' by Gotham, which was a breeze compared to 'Passionate Marriage'.

I am so grateful and proud for being able to feel and taste pure, distilled love for my wife and for other people in my life. This is unbelievable state I wish more people to know of. Our sex and lives are changing at fast pace every day in every aspect, and only I read the book (but I share my findings about myself with her if I want to (yeah, acting differentiated :) ) ). Your spouse doesn't have to read it. As Dr. Schnarch says 'it takes two to screw marriage, and one to fix it'.

Keeping love
It's about resolving the issues in a relationship in a way that results in great sex, rather than the other way around.I love about this book is that it isn't just about having great sex/chemistry/passion in general but about having those things with your partner.
The perfect match with this book is I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't

Great
I have learned that it's fine to think about myself first, even during sex. This book freed us from the specter of uneven sexual desire, and battles about oral sex. I also recommend an amazing book in this topic I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't