Product Description

That’s not fair! It’s mine! For toddlers, sharing can be a hard concept to grasp, but with the help of this book, they’ll learn that sharing can also be fun! Featuring simple, repetitive text and adorable toddlers, this playful little book is the perfect way to introduce the magic of sharing.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #68995 in Books
• Published on: 2004-10-07
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Hardcover
• 14 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9780448436111
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
• Click here to view our Condition Guide and Shipping Prices

Customer Reviews

Wonderful book, especially if you understand early childhood development
I believe it was Magda Gerber (author of Your Self-Confident Baby and infant educator in Los Angeles, RIE.org) who said that young children need to OWN before they can share. Often, well-meaning parents of toddlers, trying to teach good manners, expect/encourage/demand/force sharing because it's "polite" and they are afraid (in part) of being judged by other parents. They do not want to look like permissive wimps, so they cheerfully take the toy away from their child (who is not done with it) and hand it over to the child asking, and remind their child they need to share.

There is a reason preschools have 8 shovels, 6 baby dolls, etc. There would be fighting and tears going on all the time if they did not. Even in the Montessori classroom children use a mat to do their work on. The mat delineates * their * personal space and their right to it. Other children can ask if they can work with them (share) and the child has the right to say yes or (a polite) no, thank you. To take away the toy (work) from the first child, who is still busy exploring it, teaches what exactly? That we need to share? Yes we do, but there are ways to do it without causing problems.

It honors the child playing with the toy when you acknowledge her. "No, she is playing with that right now. What else would you like?" "When he is finished playing with it, it will be your turn."

The beauty of this book is that it illustrates conflict resolution techniques for children (and parents). When there is a conflict, you can ask children to think of three solutions. This is pretty impossible to ask of toddlers, but you can ask it of older children. It does help diffuse the situation. With practice, it also helps children see that they can solve problems for themselves (rather than continually be caught in a conflict with one winner and one loser.) In every scenario shown in Katz's book, a solution is suggested ("But maybe...") and all the children feel good and included in the play (an accomplishment in itself), rather than seething over a toy that was handed over unfairly. (If you are wondering why your child might be having unprovoked tantrums later in the day, for no obvious reason, look back in their day when they felt they were treated unfairly. Resentment and anger build up and eventually come out in inappropriate venues.)

New doll - have this one instead (that way, children play alongside peacefully.)
Only 1 bike - 2 children want it - child takes the one for a ride (again, children share the toy/experience.)
Only 1 shovel - instead, they build a castle together (OK, forget the shovel for now. What else can we do together? A-ha, build together! Problem solved!)
Only 1 box of raisins - another box is provided for the child asking (So yeah, they ARE sharing the raisins!) Problem solved.
My friend! You can't play with her! (How does one "share" a friend?) "But maybe... we can ALL play dress-up!" Brilliant!!!!! So now no one is left out and feeling hurt.

"Never taking turns is mentioned...." Does this book really need to mention the obvious? I encourage turn-taking at home all week long (it's one of many options in conflict resolution) and one of my daughter's first phrases was "my urn!" and "Ardu's urn!" She freely hands things over (not at first through, which is perfectly fine) because she trusts that her turn (her "no") is honored. Whenever her brother wanted something from her, I told him to ask her first, don't just take it. Whatever her answer was, he still had to respect it, even if it wasn't something he wanted to hear. "Ask again," and sure enough she would hand it over (almost immediately sometimes) when she was ready, hence, the cheerful and frequent exclamations "my urn! Ardu's urn!" By 22 months, she got the concept, but this was primarily because her feelings were not steamrolled. She does not hoard her toys, like some children who have learned not to trust that others (children and adults alike) will just yank them away.

My point is, when you honor the child's feelings, they WILL share, happily. But to force it down their throat is a huge mistake. While it horrifies the new parents that the first child does not hand over her doll when asked at first, it's the right thing to do. That child will eventually share. Ask again. The child first needs to feel safe. She needs to feel that it's "hers" and you aren't taking it away forever. Once she knows it's hers, she will hand it over and share.

My 6-year-old son and 2-year-old daughter love this book. My son loves it because the scenarios shown are still relevant in his age group. It's a great model for him on how to solve problems with friends. (I could not believe my luck when I found this book.) The beauty of this book is that is shows * many * ways to share (not just one = giving up the item, leaving one young child typically upset). This book is not about sharing items directly (again, impossible to ask that of young children) but is instead of sharing * experiences * such as playing or working peacefully along side a friend without conflict. So in the end the statement, "Now I know how to share... and I like it." is still accurate.

Sharing *is* compromising and taking turns
My husband and I totally disagree with the negative reviews of this book. We investigated numerous approaches to sharing and liked this the best.

Many child development experts agree that sharing involves compromise and taking turns. A child does not have to give up a toy he/she is playing with just because another child demands it. Life does not work that way. We don't see adults giving up their "toys" when another adult wants to take them.

Sharing is not about giving up one's things - it is about taking turns and offering alternatives.

Concepts click for 2 year olds
My 2 year old daughter had some difficulty sharing. I believe she felt once the toy was "shared" it was leaving forever. After reading this book many many times she seemed to grasp the notion that the toy was still hers. She willingly shared after and took much pride in her ability to hand things over. It is still a work in progress. If another child grabs for something she has, naturally her instinct is to pull it back. I do not want her to develop the idea sharing means you let other kids take anything they want from her. However, I can diffuse the battle much easier by making suggestions of how we can share. As a mom the book also helped me become more creative in finding alternatives rather than trying to force her to give up a toy.