Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #415070 in Books
• Published on: 2005-08
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Hardcover
• 183 pages

Customer Reviews

double yuck
I too found this book offensive. As the mother of three bio kids, looking into adopting I found this book less than helpful. I almost put it down after reading this


"As I walk through my gentrifying neighborhood, I often meet younger adoptive parents beaming over cute little kids tucked into padded and shaded state-of-the-art strollers. I smile back knowingly, but don't dare say what I'm thinking: Don't be surprised if your daughter shoplifts, or slips into a deep depression, or flies into a rage and threatens you with a knife before falling into a sobbing heap on the floor. Don't be surprised if your son fires obscenities at you, or skips his classes senior year and barely graduates, or fails to come home several nights in a row and then blames his absence on your inhospitality."

As a parent I realize how easy it is to fall into a "been there done that" attitude but every situation is different and most of the problems she describes are true for biological children as well as adopted children. Every teenager fights to figure out who there are, no matter what their dna is.

Beyond Good Intentions
I thought this book was very good and "true" reality of the adoption world. I would recommend this book for anyone adopting, domestic or internationally.

Yuck
I had high hopes for Beyond Good Intentions. The premise seemed wonderful and I thought I would really get a lot out of it. I was wrong.

The first thing that disappointed me was the physical size of the book. They call it a coffee table book not because it should be stored on the coffee table (because personally, I'm not in the habit of inviting people over and saying, "here's a cup of tea, and feel free to browse this book. I think you'll find the section on 'Judging our country superior' to be particuarly enlightening.") but because it's just simply too small to be a regular book. It's about 2/3 the size of a normal hardcover book, and only has 180 pages. My first thought was "this doesn't give you much room to really explore any of these ideas," and I was right.

An issue that pervades the whole of the book is that Register has clearly fallen into the trap of "my experience is everyone's experience." She speaks in truly generalized terms (although every once in a while will pay lip service to "things may be different for you") under the assumption that everyone is just like her. As another reviewer said, this book is written for a white person. I'd say the book is written for a white woman of Scandinavian descent living in a small town in the Midwest vastly removed from most cultural resources for her internationally-adopted children and a place where they're probably the only Asians in town. I only point these specifics out because Register refers to them herself a number of times in the book. While this certainly is the case for some people, it's not the case for everyone, yet Register seems to lack that awareness.

Each chapter does open with an extreme example, but the extremism doesn't necessarily stop there. For example, on page 35 she says:

"As I walk through my gentrifying neighborhood, I often meet younger adoptive parents beaming over cute little kids tucked into padded and shaded state-of-the-art strollers. I smile back knowingly, but don't dare say what I'm thinking: Don't be surprised if your daughter shoplifts, or slips into a deep depression, or flies into a rage and threatens you with a knife before falling into a sobbing heap on the floor. Don't be surprised if your son fires obscenities at you, or skips his classes senior year and barely graduates, or fails to come home several nights in a row and then blames his absence on your inhospitality."

Hunh? You mean that my child is destined to become a delinquent simply by virtue of being adopted? Come on.

Once the discussion veered toward colonialism, I got very frustrated and disgusted. 20th century colonialism is not responsible for international adoption--or I should say that 20th century colonialism is not responsible for abandoned orphans who lack homes. I will be the first to decry the evils of colonialism, believe me, but white Europeans did not invent the idea. Occupation and colonization has been going on for centuries. It is not the fault of white Europeans that China, for example, values boys over girls.

Overall I found this book very short on insight but very frustrating and rather depressing. If you want a book that makes you feel like nothing you do is right, then this is a good one for you. If you want a book that truly explores these issues from an adoptee's point of view, look elsewhere.