Product Description

Abigail Garner was five years old when her parents divorced and her dad came out as gay. Like the millions of children growing up in these families today, she often found herself in the middle of the political and moral debates surrounding lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) parenting.

Drawing on a decade of community organizing, and interviews with more than fifty grown sons and daughters of LGBT parents, Garner addresses such topics as coming out to children, facing homophobia at school, co-parenting with ex-partners, the impact of AIDS, and the children's own sexuality.

Both practical and deeply personal, Families Like Mine provides an invaluable insider's perspective for LGBT parents, their families, and their allies.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #95915 in Books
• Published on: 2005-04-01
• Released on: 2005-04-05
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 288 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9780060527587
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
• Click here to view our Condition Guide and Shipping Prices

From Publishers Weekly
In the children's book classic Heather Has Two Mommies, Leslea Newman offered kids a chance to read about nontraditional families. Now Garner, who created the site FamiliesLikeMine.com, attempts to do the same for teens, young adults and their families by interweaving her experiences growing up with a gay father and straight mother with those of other children who were raised by lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender parents. She intends "to advocate for our families to be just that: families." Although there is no exact figure for the number of children who have grown up in LGBT families over the past two decades (estimates vary from one million to 16 million), the issues Garner raises about the messages that we pass on to our children "on what a "well-adjusted" child is; on the risks and advantages of coming out (for both parents and children); and on the effects of a "homo-hostile" world "affect increasing numbers of children whose parents are straight or queer. Despite Garner's decision to interview only children in their 20s and 30s, their concerns about finding a way to name family members (e.g., should a lesbian mother's long-term partner be called a "step-mom"? Are that step-mom's children stepsisters or -brothers?) and learning how to maintain nontraditional families in the wake of a parent's death or the breakup of a relationship between parent and partner, will reverberate for young people confronting similar difficulties. Nor does Garner flinch from addressing the complex issues surrounding what it means for children raised in LGBT families, herself included, to be, in the words of advocate Stefan Lynch, "culturally queer, erotically straight."
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

From Booklist
Researchers commonly cite the estimation that one to three million American children are being raised by lesbian, gay male, bisexual, and transexual (LGBT) parents. Family rights activist Garner created a Web site for LGBT parents who are seeking guidance and resources, and she lectures nationwide on LGBT family issues. A straight daughter from a gay family, she chronicles and articulates the experiences of other adult children like herself, whom she has come to know during her eight years of community organizing, activism, and from almost 300 responses by potential participants in her research. Compellingly written, fortunately including definitions as needed (e.g., of colager as derivative from the organizational acronym COLAGE [Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere]) and resource-referral guidance for LGBT families, this should quickly become a mainstay resource for many family service agencies and public libraries serving LGBT patrons. Whitney Scott
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved

Review
"An instant classic." -- Time Out New York

Customer Reviews

Terrific, Sensitive, and Well-Written--couldn't put it down!
After eight years of experience with community organizing and activism on behalf of LGBT families, Abigail Garner has written a book about kids with gay parents. FAMILIES LIKE MINE is full of heart and hope-but even more importantly, it's full of truths. Because of her own experience as a child with two gay dads, she speaks from a well-qualified vantage point. She says she is "culturally queer" but heterosexual, and with that perspective, she comes at the topic from a unique and fascinating angle.

Using extensive research and interviews with some five dozen youths, Garner discusses many topics including: adult parents coming out in the family; family changes, particularly divorces and same-sex break-ups; how kids with LGBT parents handle school; the concept of "straight family privilege"; the impact of HIV/AIDS; straight kids in queer culture; and kids of LGBT parents who don't grow up to be straight. She doesn't shy away from tough questions, and she doesn't believe that kids with gay parents grow up exactly like everyone else. But it is clear that she is championing a little-heard truth: that kids with LGBT parents don't reach adulthood any more wounded or messed up than other kids from straight homes. In fact, many such children grow up more open-minded and tolerant than their peers, though they often have to face a great deal more antagonism and prejudice than is fair.

Weaving into the book her own fears and experiences, Garner is able to clearly delineate many of the problems that members of a non-traditional family encounter. For instance, once when her biological father was out of town, Garner's other dad, Russ, fell ill and was rushed to the ER. Most of us take for granted that as legal members of the immediate family, we'd get to visit our parent in the hospital and would be entitled to medical information. Garner was lucky because no one asked questions when she claimed to be Russ's daughter. But under the rules of most hospitals, if she had been challenged, she could have been barred from his room. She is correct when she writes, "What are labeled as special rights are not special at all; they are human rights that are currently being denied to LGBT citizens" (p. 127). A right as simple as visiting a sick member of the family ought not be denied, but it does happen.

I found this book to be tremendously readable and could not put it down. The contributions from the interviewees and the author's personal story were fascinating. Garner's ability to synthesize and explore this topic in such an accessible way is ground-breaking. By the end, when Garner writes, "Children of LGBT parents, however, are thriving in this world of possibilities" (p. 228), I found myself hoping that this would continue to be true and that our society would become more accepting, more knowledgeable, and with many more resources for "alternative" families.

This is a book that belongs in all libraries and should be read by school administrators, teachers, social workers, legislators, and parents (whether they are gay or not). If people would listen to Garner's message, the world would be a better place for all kids, whether their parents are gay or straight. ~Lori L. Lake, author of Stepping Out, Different Dress, Gun Shy, Under The Gun, and Ricochet In Time, and reviewer for Midwest Book Review, Golden Crown Literary Society's The Crown, The Independent Gay Writer, The Gay Read, and Just About Write.

A Book Just For Me! Finally!
I am the child of two wonderful Lesbian moms, and I was thrilled to find this book! Finally I can read about people who grew-up like I did and went through similar experiences. This book is informative and real. I love the fact that she paints the picture of the gay family as being just like everyone, sometimes happy, sometimes disfunctional, but never inherently bad for being queer. The sections where she touches on the pressure that children of gay families have to live with really hit home with me. Between living with homophobia from childhood, keeping our families in the closet, calling our step-parents "roomates", and fearing for our own safety and our rights as a family unit, this book covers all the bases. Another topic that I had always felt but never had the words to describe she goes over in the last two chapters of the book. Growing up in the queer community and then being rejected by that community when we grow older and happen to be in a straight relationship is hard, and I have never ever heard anyone else talk about it before. Not to mention the guilt we feel if we ourselves happen to be queer as well (because then the world will think our parents *made* us queer, oh no!). Overall, an excellent informative read for anyone. I love it!

Outstanding Resource for Parents, Children, Everyone!
As expecting adoptive parents, we are thankful to have such a valuable, thoughtful, thorough resource as this book. Of those we have read, it - by far - gives us the best and most realistic ideas of what we can expect as fathers - especially from the perspective of the children who have grown up with gay and lesbian parents. Thank you Abigail for this selfless work of helping making it easier for children and parents everywhere.

For a comprehensive look at the GLBT family, this is a superb resource!!!