Product Description

Dr. Paul Meier takes a look at how selfish humans are. Through light hearted episodes, Dr. Meier sheds light on how individuals act as jerks, how to become aware of manipulation, and identifying our own "jerk" tendencies. Don't Let Jerks Get the Best of You! provides laughs while at the same time showing ways to take control of our lives and build relationships with confidence, trust, and joy.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #221787 in Books
• Published on: 1995-03-02
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 249 pages

Customer Reviews

read with some objectivity in its context please!
As an evangelical Christian, there gets to be a point where I do not understand the constant criticism leveled at people like Paul Meier who truly want to help people, but are made to look as though we are all part of a holy conspiracy and damn all those who disagree with us, or for that matter that we are all religious salesmen looking to further our own interests. That is not the case here with this book, nor with myself. The spirit of tolerance that so many of us hold to AS CHRISTIANS in respecting others and their differences seems to be lost on those who insist that the spirit of modern tolerance can tolerate everything but intolerance, and of course anyone who is a Christian and writes from a Christian perspective (especially an evangelical one) is "intolerant" or suspect to bad intentions. How about instead when you pick up a book, read it in its OWN context instead of slamming it and the author for not buying into what you already hold to be true--your "world-view" or your "context". What I am basically saying is that if you read the book sleeve, looked at the bios of the author and of Frank Minirth, (and for that matter look at who published this work)--what do you expect when it comes to the direction Paul Meier is going to take when it comes to integrating his theological understanding of God and the human body and mind? Paul Meier seeks to build a relationship between the various aspects of faith, behavior, and physiology that helps explain in a short treatise why people do what they do. As such, he is a Christian, (evangelical--not liberal) and for that matter what he writes is going to reflect that. If you read a work by Sigmund Freud you certainly are going to get a different world-view with different aspects of what he believes is true--his context of what is true to himself will be different, its up to the test of time (and the testing by all of us as students of humanity) to see just exactly who has it more exact or who holds a better understanding of all of us.
I just don't get all the griping and slamming I have read about Dr. Meier here in so many of the reviews, and it is disheartening to see such a low rating for what is a great book when taken in ITS CONTEXT. If you are someone who is basically a dysfunctional mess already--you are not going to like the book unless you are willing to be introspective and try to understand where Dr. Meier is coming from, (he pretty much states this as you read the book--so that's not my personal opinion but his if I am reading this in its true CONTEXT). If you are a person suffering from allowing others to jump all over you, intimidate you, etc--you might like the book if you can accept that the problems we all carry within us are complicated and can't be solved easily (and it bears repeating here that Paul Meier is attempting to state in the vernacular in just a few, readable pages how to begin working on getting ourselves out of our own messes--and away from those who seek to mess us up with their inhospitable attitudes). Overall, Paul Meier does a great job taking a very complex topic (needing a much larger book) and getting it into a readable form that can get you on the right path to becoming more "whole" as a person and less of a jerk or for that matter a doormat.
I have used this book several times in counseling people in my church (Evangelical Presbyterian) and also do a Biblical studies expose/seminar using not only this book but many others from the clinic. I HIGHLY recommend for those trying to help others to obtain the book, (along with others from differing perspectives so to have a fuller picture of what many counselors are doing within their practices)and also I would note that for others looking to get a good background from a CHRISTIAN context/perspective on what makes people tick--this is a good book for that audience too. However, it is not a "ten dollar counselor with binding", nor is it a tell all/fix all for everyone who has problems. Take it for what it gives in its context and you will take a lot from it.

Don't buy

The author spends the first third of the book simply classifying jerks into 3 categories - 1st degree, second degree and Nth degree.

When Dr. Meier gets into the core of his advice, he does not give specific advice in dealing with confrontational situations or "jerky" actions. It is more a book on codependency to jerks in relationships - spouses, parents, family members. His method is to find the root cause in your past to why people develop masochistic tendencies, recognize that source and then get better because you have recognized it. He also gives examples of his own jerky behavior and some basic advice on how not to be jerky.

Interspersed throughout the book are constant plugs for his Minerth Meier clinic, and plenty of anecdotal stories from his own life about all of the challenges he has overcome to make him the success he is and to change his own jerky ways.

All in all the title is deceptive. He does not provide any specific techniques for dealing with difficult people.

I would assess the content of the book to be 30% plug for Minerth Meier clinics, 30% biography of Mr. Meier-plugging himself--his successes in both overcoming his challenges and treating people in his clinics, 15% discussion of how not to be a jerk, and 15% discussion that people with masochistic tendencies develop codependent relationships with jerks and the cause for this tendency is the development of self worth in childhood.

Condescending and unhelpful
Every two seconds, Meier has to mention the "Minirth-Meier" clinics. Every two seconds, Meier has to talk about himself and his beliefs in God. For a non-Christian, this is a very annoying book to read, as it is positively littered with Bible thumping. I really do respect Christian beliefs, but if you are a non-Christian reading this book, you really do get tired of the repetitiveness of talking about religion. I tried to gloss over all the God and Jesus references and focus on what the book was trying to say, but I only got half-way through. I became very disgusted that I couldn't just read the book without having Meier's religious philosophies shoved in my face all the time. This book is aimed towards Christians. If you aren't one, I really wouldn't bother reading it.

The book makes some good points on masochistic tendencies and defense mechanisms, however. I don't find myself, however, discovering anything that I didn't already know or isn't obvious. As I mentioned, I got halfway through the book and am VERY tired of it. I don't feel he is writing about anything that your average person hasn't already figured out in the course of their lives and that it is just too heavy-handed with the religious stuff.