Product Description

What’s going on in a man’s mind? From their early days, every woman has struggled to understand why males behave the way they do. Even long-married women who think they understand men have only scratched the surface. Beneath a man’s rugged exterior is an even more rugged, unmapped terrain. What bestselling author Shaunti Feldhahn’s research reveals about the inner lives of men will open women’s eyes to what the men in their life—boyfriends, brothers, husbands, and sons—are really thinking and feeling. Men want to be understood, but they’re afraid to “freak out” the women they love by confessing what is happening inside their heads. This book will guide women in how to provide the loving support that modern men want and need.

The Truth About His Inner Life

He Desperately Wants You to Know

What's going on in there? Ever been totally confused by something your man has said or done? Want to understand his secret desires and fears, his daily battles that you know nothing about?

In a woman-to-woman conversation you’ll never forget, Shaunti Feldhahn takes you beneath the surface into the inner lives of men. This book is about the things we just don’t ‘get’ about guys. With findings from a groundbreaking national survey and personal interviews of over one thousand men, For Women Only is full of eye-opening revelations you need to not only understand the man in your life, but to support and love him in the way he needs to be loved. Grounded in biblical hope, you will discover how to love your man for who he really is—not who you think he is.

Story Behind the Book

I had no idea how clueless I was about men until I interviewed a bunch of them for my last novel. Initially, I just wanted a little insight so I could write my main (male) character. But pretty soon I found myself astonished, over and over again blurting out, “That’s what you’re thinking?” So I did more interviews. After the novel hit shelves, dozens of women told me they also had been astonished by what I included. Clearly I wasn’t the only one who needed more insight on this!

To lay the groundwork for this nonfiction book, I wrote out the half-dozen things from these interviews that had most surprised me—things that appeared to be universal to most men—that women desperately needed to know. I conducted a professional national survey of men to test my findings. Yep—the survey substantiated every single one. These findings are fascinating—and they have already changed my life and marriage. I can’t wait to share them!

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #1162 in Books
• Published on: 2004-07-28
• Released on: 2004-07-28
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Hardcover
• 208 pages

From AudioFile
Maybe everything we know about the inner lives of men is already on the table--thus explaining why so few relationship guides like this seem interesting. Written by a newspaper columnist with a Christian perspective, this fairly intelligent guide is based on systematic surveys and is explained with the clarity of social science. (The authors has a Harvard degree.) With no ground-breaking insights to report, it's all the more impressive that Shaunti Feldhahn manages to read the book with such verve and attentiveness to the material. With charm and sincerity, she offers a message that can't be repeated often enough-that sharing feelings and giving appreciation are necessary practices for a satisfying relationship with any man. T.W. © AudioFile 2007, Portland, Maine-- Copyright © AudioFile, Portland, Maine

About the Author
Shaunti Feldhahn started out as an analyst on Wall Street and ended up a surprise bestselling author, encouraging the Christian community toward service and outreach with the #1 bestseller Y2K: The Millennium Bug—A Balanced Christian Response. Also an author of message fiction, Shaunti is a newspaper columnist on women’s issues, contributing the conservative opinion for the Atlanta Journal- Constitution’s popular online “Woman to Woman” column. Shaunti and her husband, Jeff, are active leaders in their church, leading a home group that encourages married couples toward greater intimacy with God and each other.

Customer Reviews

Hard to swallow but very good.
Just because I think he has thick skin doesn't mean he does when it comes to the things I, as his wife, say. I was hard to take some of this stuff because it isn't talked about in society and it makes it hard to understand. She goes past just saying "men are visual" and actually describes what that means from a mans perspective. My husband was practically in tears when he realized I really was interested in knowing him better. In fact, when I mentioned there was a companion "For men only" he told me to get it. (this from the man who cringes at spending $0.50).

God created men different for a reason. If we really want to understand the majority (there are always exceptions) then this is a great place to start. I think it'll start being my wedding gift to couples.

IT shows a lack of objectivity.
The insights are very appropriate for all married people, because they will open the discussion, and they do so in very clever and insightful ways. = There are good and bad with past, as with present, marriage practices, and to suggest otherwise shows a lack of objectivity.
I also for women and men recommend I Love You. Now What?: Falling in Love is a Mystery, Keeping It Isn't

For Men Only vs For Women Only - Comparing the Reviews
Both books were interesting. But scanning the reviews for both books today was more illuminating.

"For Men Only" - helping men figure out their fairer partner - has garnered about 90 comments so far. The few negative reviews were from two apparently unhappily-married guys, and a woman suggesting if you didn't already know what women wanted you were clueless. The rest, often by women (my best guess here, given the pronouns and screen names used by reviewers), offered glowing commentary of how important it is to understand and meet a woman's needs. Ah, the importance of patience, kindness, listening. My favorites were the ones in all capitals and exclamation points. Yes, yes, YES, YES!!!

Now scan the "For Women Only" comments - all 212 of them to date. So far there are 29 negative reviews (including 16 "1 star" votes) about a book on how ladies can better love their men. There were a few unhappy guys, some complaining the book wasn't "biblical" enough, but the bulk are from ladies insulted (!) by the idea of compromising their feminine selves for some man.

The ladies offered such loving things as:

"Unfortunately, this book is only going to help you if you're a fat nagging religious close minded wife who's let herself go."

"The entire book was about stroking a man's ego at the expense of anything the woman may want."

"This book is full of generalizations and stereotypes that should have gone out of fashion at the same time as beehive hairdos."

"If you want to find a reason to play into all of the broad societal expectations about your personal appearance, your sexual boundaries, and general steps to becoming a Stepford wife, then this is your book!"

Or my favorite: "There is an underlying "good" here that is twisted in a package that will be ultimately damaging to our children and to ourselves. Yes, we must be careful of our spouse's emotional, physical, sexual, and relational needs. But we must do this out of love and respect that is guided by a sense of mutuality in the marriage relationship, not by catering to an unhealthy sense of self-worth that is so pervasive in the responses of Feldhahn's participants. Feldhahn has taken these unhealthy responses and twisted them into normal "healthy" responses that women must then take care of through their behavior and appearance. We should not buy into this myth. Rather, we should take seriously the feelings of low self-esteem, poor attachment, and an un-Biblical view of the role of women in a marriage relationship that were demonstrated by the participant's responses and work to improve the messages we are sending the men in our society."

Obviously a graduate of Women's Studies at Wellesley College.

Now, don't get me wrong. The large majority of both men and women who read these two books found them helpful in understanding the opposite sex a little better. Most couples also found them to be good conversation-starters, important for any relationship. Having scanned both I also thought there was plenty of useful info in each.

It's hard, though, to miss all of the gracious thoughts liberally applied to "his book about her," compared to what seems like a sort of begrudging admission in the other that, well, men like being loved too, as long as it meets faminine approval.

Speaking of usefulness, perhaps the person these books helped the most was a former boyfriend of a Ms. Rhonda Pyle of Corpus, TX:

"My boyfriend gave me this book in hopes that I would read it and think that what it was saying was insightful and profound. He thought it could help make me into the woman he wanted me to be. I just want to say to the women that are considering buying this book: I broke up with my boyfriend of two years - who I was going to marry - shortly after he gave me this unhelpful, uninspired piece of material. I was glad though; it revealed to me the kind of man he was. I don't think this helped me understand men more; it just made excuses for them. I remember thinking how often it excused men's insecurities and how women should just be OK with this obvious fault. I'm a Christian woman, but I don't believe that women have to be pushovers for men in order to be a righteous woman in their marriages..."

Wherever you are, bro, count your blessings. Thanks to this little book you dodged a bullet.

Perhaps Ms. Rhonda's unwittingly found the most important reason to buy Shaunti's stuff: Give a copy to your (prospective) mate and see what happens. If it gets devoured and put into action, you're a lucky guy/gal. If it remains un-opened on the nightstand or ends up in the garbage disposal, perhaps you should reconsider your options...