Product Description

The author of the best-selling 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives turns his attention to the burning question of love. "There are few books for gay men on not only what to look for in Mr. Right but how to become Mr. Right. My book will address both. It is not just about finding him, it is what you do after you find him," says author Joe Kort. A certified Imago Relationship Therapist, Kort has employed the ideas put forth by Imago founder Harville Hendrix to transform the lives and relationships of the countless gay couples he has worked with in 20 years of private practice. In "Your Sexual Shadow," one of his new book's 10 life-altering chapters, Kort unveils a surprising and groundbreaking idea that explores how decoding sexual fantasies can often unlock the mystery to what gay men are looking for in a partner and why. This will be particularly elucidating to men who have been conditioned to believe their sexual fantasies are an obstacle to long-term relationships. How can the secret logic of "dark" sexual desires help you find Mr. Right? "So many of my clients say they have to get better before they find Mr. Right," reports Kort. "I think that is often a reason to avoid relationships and simply not true." His new book is a practical guide to set gay men on the path to true love today.

Joe Kort is a therapist in private practice since 1985, specializing in gay-affirmative psychotherapy as well as Imago Relationship Therapy, which is a specific program involving communication exercises designed for couples to enhance their relationship and for singles to learn relationship skills. His first book, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives, was a national gay and lesbian bestseller.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #37936 in Books
• Published on: 2006-03-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 370 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9781555838980
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
• Click here to view our Condition Guide and Shipping Prices

About the Author
Joe Kort is a certified Imago Therapist, a member of the National Association of Gay Addiction Professionals, the Academy of Certified Social Workers, and the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. He is adjunct professor at Wayne State University's School of Social Work. His book, Ten Smart Things Gay Men Can Do to Improve Their Lives was a national best seller.

Customer Reviews

Excellent book
I've been doing workshops for a men's group here in New York and this book as well as Mr. Kort's previous text have been excellent resources. Not only the scenarios but the root causes of why men develop as they do in relationship to their sexuality are excellent. The referencing to Erik Erikson and Harville Hendrix (tests I also utilize) as well as the specific application of the tomes to activities and insights is stellar. What surprise dme most about the book was how it balanced accessible language and yet was able to present enough psychological/psychiatric/therapeutic language/technique for the lay person to understand. A lot of the "why's" about men and sexuality and actions and integrity or lack thereof was answered. One of the things I constantly do in my groups now is remind the men how they were socialized as boys, how it was enforced/beaten out of them not to portray their sexuality or sexual thoughts/interests and how this indoctrination carries over and manifests itself in adult life. You can literally watch the lightbulbs of enlightenment go off in the heads of the men as they start to link simple things like sit still, don't flounce, don't sigh, don't cry, don't whine, don't, don't don't---in order to be masculine/a "man" to being what caused a lot of confusion. What happens to someone who's identity is constantly challenged, taunted, corrected---they adopt an identity that is pleasing to the masses, however they are then thrust into a society where the two identites--one false and one repressed are incongruous and therefore enter into a lifestyle that has very few mature standards/practices.
Suddenly men make sense!
I've already gone on to Mr. kort's site and plan on finding a way to travel across the country to attend his workshops and I have made both of his books a staple in my workshops and college level classes. If you're stuck in bad dates, bad relationships, unhappy with your lifestyle's results, confused about what to do now that you've declared a sexuality, this book is key in helping the normal person "feel normal" abotu their identity. One day this and perhaps half a dozen books will be prescribed in schools around teh country to not simply help men (and women) figure out this nebulous/variable area of sexuality (sexual orientation and sexual behaviour two entire different things) to the point of identity satisfaction. My only criticism of the book would be that it had another 200 pages in it that could've been created to outline more couples/individuals to illustrate a variety of issues. Ok, that would make it easier for me to break it down for others and teach but the intellectual density of this book made me want to have some parts that were snippets and could be used outside of the larger chapters.

Every newly out guy should have this book
Yes, this book deals a lot with baggage issues, but it will help you work through your issues and get a better understanding of why gay men flake out etc. This is a great 'intro to being gay' book. Although I've been out for a few years, I'd still recommend it to anyone who wants to better themselves for a relationship.

Another valuable piece of info herein is the 3 stages of a relationship, which is important if you have one or get one and treasure it enough to make it work. Joe tells the stories of numerous clients to make his points, so that keeps it interesting. I'm very much not a reader, but I highly recommend this book!

Probably the best book out there on understanding and improving gay relationships
I bought this book for a friend for christmas, but after I'd wrapped all the presents, I ended up with it left over, couldn't remember who I bought it for, so kept it for myself. That turned out to be a wonderful serendipity.

Kort's work is probably the most deeply insightful exploration I've read of the influences of family of origin issues, internalized homophobia, and other baggage that gay men experience, and how those factors, as well as subtle peer influences within the gay community and other factors affect us, and, in turn, how we select partners and how we relate to them.

I've read a lot of the psychology literature, both clinical and popular, on gay men and the special issues they face, but I think Kort has done the best job yet of weaving all of the pieces together in a way that is insightful and really helps the reader understand *why* we choose the partners we do, the actions we take that are driven by our unconscious, and particularly how all of the behaviors we bring to relationships have their roots in our childhood and other internalized life experiences.

Some of the insights he describes in the case histories of couples he has worked with are just extraordinary, as though finding the "needle in a haystack" that is the root cause of a partner's insecurities or inappropriate actions/behaviors. Almost everyone reading the book will find portions of the book that will resonate with their own experience, and there were several times when I was reading it where I experienced major "Aha" moments as it described feelings or behaviors I'd experienced but could never quite explain or understand.

This book is apparently not as popular as his first book, probably because it is not a breezy, shallow book that you can read with little life impact; this is a book packed with useful information, and while it takes some time to absorb and understand and integrate what he's saying, it is well worth the effort.

I've since bought copies for two other friends, and both have enjoyed it as much as I did.

If you only buy one book on gay relationships (or, for that matter, emotional adjustment issues and happiness for gay men), I believe this is the book you should buy.