Product Description

"Dr. Patrick Carnes is a creative,  pioneering, and courageous human being. His books are  changing the lives of  thousands!"

"I lost three marriages, all because of affairs."  "I became suicidal because of multiple intense  involvements."

"I spent money on sex when I  needed it for children's clothes."

"I  lost promotion opportunities and a special  scholarship because my co-workers found out about my sex  life."

Every day they face the possibility of  destruction, risking their families, fiances,  jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks  of life: ministers, physicians, therapists,  politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were  abused as children--sexually, physically or  emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early  lives. Most grapple with other addictions as well,  but their fiercest battle is with the most  astounding prevalent "secret" disorder in  America: sexual addiction. Here is a ground-breaking  work by the nation's leading professional expert on  sexual addiction, based on the candid testimony of  more than one thousand recovering sexual addicts  in the first major scientific study of the  disorder. This essential volume includes not only the  revealing findings of Dr. Carne's research with  recovering addicts but also advice from the addicts and  co-addicts themselves as they work to overcome  their compulsive behavior. Positive, hopeful, and  practical, Don't Call It Love is  a landmark book that helps us better understand  all addictions, their causes, and the difficult path  to recovery.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #23771 in Books
• Published on: 1992-03-01
• Released on: 1992-03-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 448 pages

From Publishers Weekly
In Carnes's diagnosis, sexual addiction is marked by compulsive, self-destructive behavior and takes many forms, such as child abuse, sadomasochism, reliance on erotic fantasy as a coping mechanism, obsession with one individual, anonymous sexual encounters or cycles of disastrous affairs alternating with sexual binging. Behavior therapist Carnes ( Out of the Shadows ) and fellow researchers targeted some 1000 sexual addicts and their "co-dependent" partners through surveys and interviews. Those who suspect that they may be sexually addicted, or know someone who is, should read this clear, helpful, well-organized guide. It shows that sexual compulsives come from all walks of life, and its advice-giving testimonies by recovered and recovering persons, combined with the author's clinical insights, point the way toward healing twisted relationships and reclaiming healthy sexuality.
Copyright 1991 Reed Business Information, Inc.

From the Publisher
"Dr. Patrick Carnes is a creative, pioneering, and courageous human being. His books are changing the lives of thousands!"

"I lost three marriages, all because of affairs." "I became suicidal because of multiple intense involvements." "I spent money on sex when I needed it for children's clothes." "I lost promotion opportunities and a special scholarship because my co-workers found out about my sex life." Ever day they face the possibility of destruction, risking their families, fiancés, jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks of life: ministers, physicians, therapists, politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were abused as children--sexually, physically or emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early lives. Most grapple with other addictions as well, but their fiercest battle is with the most astounding prevalent "secret" disorder in America: sexual addiction. Here is a ground-breaking work by the nation's leading professional expert on sexual addiction, based on the candid testimony of more than one thousand recovering sexual addicts in the first major scientific study of the disorder. This essential volume includes not only the revealing findings of Dr. Carne's research with recovering addicts but also advice from the addicts and co-addicts themselves as they work to overcome their compulsive behavior. Positive, hopeful, and practical, Don't Call It Love is a landmark book that helps us better understand all addictions, their causes, and the difficult path to recovery.

"This clear, helpful, well-organized guide... points the way toward healing twisted relationships and reclaiming healthy sexuality."--Publishers Weekly

From the Inside Flap
"Dr. Patrick Carnes is a creative,  pioneering, and courageous human being. His books are  changing the lives of  thousands!"

"I lost three marriages, all because of affairs."  "I became suicidal because of multiple intense  involvements."

"I spent money on sex when I  needed it for children's clothes."

"I  lost promotion opportunities and a special  scholarship because my co-workers found out about my sex  life."

Every day they face the possibility of  destruction, risking their families, fiances,  jobs, dignity, and health. They come from all walks  of life: ministers, physicians, therapists,  politicians, executives, blue-collar workers. Most were  abused as children--sexually, physically or  emotionally--and saw addictive behavior in their early  lives. Most grapple with other addictions as well,  but their fiercest battle is with the most  astounding prevalent "secret" disorder in  America: sexual addiction. Here is a ground-breaking  work by the nation's leading professional expert on  sexual addiction, based on the candid testimony of  more than one thousand recovering sexual addicts  in the first major scientific study of the  disorder. This essential volume includes not only the  revealing findings of Dr. Carne's research with  recovering addicts but also advice from the addicts and  co-addicts themselves as they work to overcome  their compulsive behavior. Positive, hopeful, and  practical, Don't Call It Love is  a landmark book that helps us better understand  all addictions, their causes, and the difficult path  to recovery.

Customer Reviews

a masterpiece
this book is a masterpeice for the 12-step program. Even though it is not listed as an " official" SLAA literature, it's been helping many addicts and will help many more. Strongly recommended!

Don't Call It Love
Excellent book. I felt so alone and didn't know where to turn. This book helped me see that others are stuggling with the same behaviors that I am. Behaviors that may have endagered my life, but that I am at least able to stop now. Hopefully I'll live through this and become a better person. The person that I believe God wants me to be.

5 stars best review.
Key strategy- work to FINISH THINGS! Addicts do not finish things,ENDING THINGS (projects,relationships) adds substantially to recovery. They prefer to "keep options open." Thrives in unfinished business. Starting more than they can finish leads to a comfortable CRISIS. Addicts avoid completing their conversations; important feelings and facts are not communicated. Conflicts not resolved/ PAIN ACCUMULATES. Increase PAIN AND COST/ TO STOP the addictions. In childhood they (addict) needed something didn't receive- trust, security, safety, non-sexual affection, both parents together? A since of normalcy (what they would feel in life in a committed relationship. (Need trust mot to worry, to simply live life normally) THEY HAVE A RESPONSIBILITY TO THOSE YOU HAVE HURT. THIER NEGATIVE EMOTIONS ARE TRANSFERRED TO CHILDREN AROUND THEM. Addictive sex feels shameful, illicit, stolen, exploitive, and joyless. Healthy sex = adds to self-esteem, is mutual, intimate, fun, and playful. Fighting (disagreeing)= act of trust / focus on issues. Give the outcome to God. Horniness = loneliness. When in doubt, don't have sex. Secrets will separate you from others in recovery. Get a pet to have healthy touching needs met. Avoid the feeling that you are a victim (having control over your body, thoughts, opinions, and feelings that you think someone in authority wouldn't approve of you having. You have to answer only to yourself. Be gentle w/ yourself about old tortuous conflicts. They are not about you. They never were! You are safe with your thoughts; they are yours. Recovery = burst of creativity, brings awareness of abuse. NURTURING- Learning how to care for themselves and to allow others to care for them IS an essential RECOVERY TASK. Intimacy = shared enjoyable experiences! FIDELITY TO YOURSELF is the ultimate act of faithfulness to the other. Trust yourself. It's as hard for your partner as it is for you! Admit mistakes. Share Spirituality. Have fun together = common experiences. Sustain from sex w/o intimacy. Talk before, during, and after sex. Compliment your partner. Respect boundaries. Pay attention to feelings. See sex as a legitimate joy! Take care of your body. Express attraction. Work on friendship and companionship. Fast-forward the realtionship so you will know it will be even better in the future.