Product Description

In this book, Dr. Henry Cloud gets to the heart of the issues dating raises for many readers and gets them on the road to fun and fulfillment in the single life.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #13911 in Books
• Published on: 2005-02-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 240 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9780310262657
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
• Click here to view our Condition Guide and Shipping Prices

From Publishers Weekly
Geared for the reported 3.5 million evangelical Christian singles in America, this guide by Cloud-author of the bestselling Boundaries series of relationship books-offers sound advice on the dating game. Some of his tenets may take Christian readers by surprise: he asserts, for example, that there's no one Mr. or Ms. Right for each person, and that people should stop waiting around for a dream individual to sweep them off their feet. ("God guides and provides," Cloud states, "but he also requires us to do our part.") He also asserts that dating is not just a precursor to marriage, disagreeing with those Christians who refuse to date unless they glimpse a tiered wedding cake at the end of the rainbow. Non-serious dating, Cloud writes, is an essential step in the process of eventually finding a mate, because it teaches people what they need and want through trial and error. Cloud unveils a whole program for "getting out there" in the dating world: singles should keep a log of all the eligible people they meet; go places where other singles go (Cloud calls this "changing your traffic pattern"); consider joining a dating service; and forget the "love at first sight" myth. He even suggests dating non-Christians-which will raise some evangelical eyebrows-while repeating his proviso that dating is not marriage. Most of the book's examples are of women seeking men, but all Christian singles can benefit from this practical, down-to-earth manual.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review
"...offers sound advice on the dating game....all Christian singles can benefit from this practical, down-to-earth manual." — PW Religion Bookline

(PW Religion Bookline )

From the Back Cover
Another Friday Night Alone

It stinks, doesn’t it. But what can you do to fix it?

More than you’ve ever imagined. You can put an end to the datelessness. Starting today—right now—you can begin a journey that will bring fun, interesting people into your life, broaden your experience of others and yourself, and lead you toward that date of all dates—a date worth keeping.

This book is for YOU if • You want to get more dates or better dates. • You wonder where "the good ones" are. • You keep repeating the same old cycle in your dating life and want to change it. • You wonder why people who aren’t as nice as you get all the dates. • You’re attracted to the wrong kind, while the right kind lack the "chemistry." • You’re waiting for God to bring you the right person—and you’ve been waiting an awfully long time. • You wonder what it is about you that fails to attract dates. Based on over ten years of personally coaching singles on dating, Dr. Henry Cloud shares his proven, very doable, step-by-step approach to overcoming your sticking points and getting all the dates you could want. The results speak for themselves. Filled with true-life examples you’ll identify with instantly, How to Get a Date Worth Keeping will prove its worth to you many times over in the exciting months ahead.

Customer Reviews

Breaks Down Myths and Self-Defeating Beliefs
Perhaps one of the things in a church culture is that there isn't enough mentorship from parents or from the church on proper dating.

One of the biggest and most misleading ideas implied in church culture or propagated in books are:

a) Just wait, God will provide for you a mate.

b) If you are spiritual enough, and seek God earnestly, God will give you the best. Don't settle for second best.

With that two statements, it misleads people who are seriously looking for a mate.

First, because of that a lot of people just sit around waiting for a life-partner to drop out of mid-air into their lives.

God certainly does provide, he provides the birds of the air food, but still the bird must look for the worm. God gave the Israelites the land, but they still had to go in and fight for it. It was not passive inactivity that won the day. God does his part, we must do ours.

Next, what is this idea of "second best"? If A was meant for B but instead marries C this will cause a chain reaction where B marries D which leads to E who was supposed to marry D to marry F and so on... So with just one choice, we cause the whole universe held together by God to crash? Even Microsoft Windows performs better than that!

So we end up with a lot of singles in church, waiting and waiting... and waiting... and waiting... just waiting... perhaps one of them thinks that she must serve God more or perhaps she wasn't spiritual enough.

So she volunteers... for the children's ministry. Good luck in increasing her odds of finding someone there.

Which leads to another thought. Before the invention of the automobile, most people married within a radius of 2 miles from where they lived. But with the invention of the car, people married within 100 miles from where they lived. Did God's will suddenly change because of the car?

Another wrong idea is that we shouldn't date around too much. It's like playing around we don't want to be considered a 'loose' or flirtatious. Dr Cloud says that, if you're righteous enough, you're not going to have sex, it's just getting to know people!

Dr. Henry Cloud in his book "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping"recommends that we change our view of dating:
1. See dating as a wonderful time to find out about other people and what they are like.
2. See dating as a wonderful time to find out about yourself and how you need to change.
3. See dating as an end in and of itself.
4. See dating in a way that takes the pressure off.
5. See dating as an opportunity to love and serve others.
6. See dating as an opportunity to grow in skills.
7.Perhaps promise youself that you will make no serious commitment for a certain length of time.

In comparison to "I gave dating a chance" and "I kissed dating goodbye" he gives really practical and workable advice instead of airy fairy principles that are impractical.

Dr. Cloud has counselled hundreds of people and is a qualified psychologist whilst the other two books are written by a youth worker and a young pastor mainly from their own experience at a young age and who have never had to endure many years of loneliness and self-defeating beliefs.

Straight forward yet thought provoking!
"How to get a date worth keeping" was an excellent book. It challenged me to look at motives behind dating, expected outcomes and to be prepared to accept ownership for my participation (or lack thereof). It used everyday common excuses as a precursor to elaborate on the real issue(s) that people are in the dark about.

I liked the fact that it made me consider dating in a totally different aspect than I have in the past. I also liked how "real" the author came across. No psychology mumbo jumbo just everyday common language that drove home the point and left me relating to the book.

I think if you're open to "stretching" yourself and growing as a person and incorporating dating into your life, than this might be a book that will help you.

A couple side notes. The author is Christian, so his book places heavy emphasis on making sure your spiritual side is examined just as is your physical and emotional. However, the aspect I liked best about the book is he advocated common sense to pitfalls or ruts that people fall into, and I for one will be making my roommate from college read this book because there were so many parts of the book that screamed her.

So I hope that helps! Enjoy!

great basic dating advice but serious bugs in the system
Let me explain the way I date according to the book How to Find a Date worth Keeping. I have relatively recently changed somewhat the style of dating because of reading this book as well as Boundaries and Boundaries in Dating. Also,a visit to a Christian counselor to some extent and the book Safe People had some influence too.
Because of what I've learned about human nature (as well as super nature), there is a need to establish that the one you are with is able to delay gratification long enough to separate lust from love so that both people can objectively learn about each other. This takes a time period much longer than the traditional length of time to accomplish. Cloud and Townsend (the authors) suggest that anything less than a year is probably too soon to be talking about a truly committed relationship. They go on to say that 2 to 3 years is not an unreasonable time. They also say that it depends a bit on individual pace.
I used to focus on one woman at a time in the traditional way of dating until she or I decided we were no longer compatible, then move on or decide on being "friends". Now I casually date for a much longer period, dating a few women concurrently, to see which of those can hang in there with me in order to really get to know me, among other reasons.
(I'll stop here to clarify a definition. I think our world has two meanings for "casual dating" One meaning is as I have used it above - dating to get to know someone keeping the boundaries of physical interaction at a bare minimum initially.
The second meaning is quite the opposite and that is >>go out/have sex/repeat with different partner with a cavalier attitude.
When I use this term "casual dating" I'm using the first definition always.)
This requires that, in order to be most efficient - especially at my age, I need to "casually date" as many women as I can at first, maintaining boundaries, keeping it light until a couple of the most compatible ones rise to the surface as prime choices. Then after about 6 months to a year (a somewhat arbitrary figure up to each individual), chose and then declare exclusivity. After exclusivity is when you dig the deepest before making the official move toward marriage.
There, now that I've outlined the basic premise behind the book, let me tell you both what I like about it and what I don't like.


What I don't like
1. This style, by design, automatically all but eliminates potential mates that do not adopt this style for themselves.
For instance, if I'm am bent on dating in the traditional manner, I will likely break anything off within the first, what?, month or two right? Because in our world that is the accepted norm - acquaintance to acceptance in a relatively short time. This limits the potential "pool" of candidates based merely on the style (pace) of dating.
2. There is an intrinsic time problem with moving slowly with many candidates. Even if you are on the same style page you still have to be hooked up on a more or less parallel time continuum in order to be at the same point relationally.
For instance, if I'm at a "near exclusive" stage with woman "A" but just starting out getting to know woman "B", then I either have to slow the one relationship way down or speed the other up or just write off one in favor of the other.
3. The author actually suggests going out with people that are not Christians because "the object of dating is not to get married" I disagree.
Technically, he's right, the object at first is not to get married. But I think when I pray to God the prayer "...and lead us not into temptation.." I have a moral obligation as a mortal creature not to lead myself into temptation either.
4.There needs to be an allowance for both relational maturity and age (not the same). People further along in life should, as a whole, have more experience and therefore require less time to winnow out a suitable mate. Also, someone middle aged is less inclined to chew up 18 months or more courting than a twenty year old, simply due to logistics (remaining years).

What I like
1. The main reason I like this method is that it takes the pressure off the first few dates and it gives you time to assess a person based on objective data without simply giving lip service to the expression, "No expectations". There is less room to slouch toward promiscuity.
2. It all but eliminates that obsessive and/or lonely feeling in between dates that is, in itself emotionally and mentally limiting, distracting, and potentially damaging. It more easily allows you to maintain your boundaries.
3. It's efficient. More potential candidates mean more people to choose from (in a shorter amount of time if you're assertive) and therefore it betters your chance at connecting with a truly compatible mate.
4. In the long run, after you and your mate have selected each other you can truly be assured that you were selected from a pool of many many potential suitors and therefore the love connection will be objectively more concrete - not just based on a feeling (not to minimize feelings either). Because you've done your homework the "in love" feeling reaches more of your senses - you become sensual to the nth degree.
5. The very nature of this method requires that both participants model brutal honesty with each other from the beginning - a characteristic that is an essential building block to the health of any committed relationship.

Over all I would recommend reading this book because it's basic message is so needed in our society. Just keep an open mind and customize it to your own age and lifestyle.