Product Description

Jen Lancaster hates to burst your happy little bubble, but life in the big city isn't all it's cracked up to be. Contrary to what you see on TV and in the movies, most urbanites aren't party-hopping in slinky dresses and strappy stilettos. But lucky for us, Lancaster knows how to make the life of the lower crust mercilessly funny and infinitely entertaining.

Whether she's reporting rude neighbors to Homeland Security, harboring a crush on her grocery store clerk, or fighting-and losing-the Battle of the Stairmaster- Lancaster explores how silly, strange, and not-so-fabulous real city living can be. And if anyone doesn't like it, they can kiss her big, fat, pink, puffy down parka.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #30198 in Books
• Published on: 2007-05-01
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 400 pages

Features

• ISBN13: 9780451221254
• Condition: NEW
• Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
• Click here to view our Condition Guide and Shipping Prices

From Publishers Weekly
Lancaster (Bitter Is the New Black) is a plus-sized, downwardly mobile Republican. She makes fun of disabled people. She cracks nasty about Anna Nicole Smith (granted, she was still alive at the time). She annotates her text with footnotes cheering herself on. When she's feeling particularly mean, she writes in her own "pidgin Spanish." But in spite of all her politically incorrect rantings, there are times when Lancaster is just too on-target to ignore. People who worry about Bush imposing the Christian lifestyle on everyone, for instance, should take heart from how he's raised his daughters—those "twins are but a Jell-O shot away from starring in the presidential edition of Girls Gone Wild." Even if readers can't altogether sympathize when Lancaster has to downscale her shopping "Holy Trinity" from Bloomingdale's, Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus to IKEA, Target and Trader Joe's—they know what she means when she talks about the relentlessly cheerful sales staff at Trader Joe's, the tough-love staff at Target or how IKEA's going to take over America by keeping us all busy with Allen wrenches. Her humor is a bit like junk food—something you can enjoy when no one is looking. (May)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

About the Author
Jen Lancaster is the author of Bitter Is the New Black. She has lived in Chicago for ten years with her husband and pets, and has yet to get the hang of the subway or returning library books in a timely manner.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
A few years ago I used to take shopping so seriously it was less of a habit and more of a religion. Every chance I got, I'd steal away between appointments or at lunch in order to maintain my daily communicate status, worshipping at the Church of the Magnificent Mile. I'd make my way down Michigan Ave, stopping to pay my respects at the lesser deities: Sephora for their Fresh soy skincare line and giant perfume selection1, The Body Shop for products with a conscience, Lord & Taylor for Jockey for Her underwear2, Marshall Field for scarves and hair accessories, Pottery Barn for casual home dŽcor except for glassware which was Crate & Barrel's domain, Burberry if I felt like a little something plaid and pretty, and Les Vosges because carrying heavy shopping bags made me hungry for thirty-dollar-a-pound chocolate-coated toffee. I'd tithe portions of my salary at each of these stores until I got to any one of the members of the Holy Trinity - Bloomingdales, Nordstrom, Neiman Marcus - and the real purchasing commenced.

Bloomingdales was my preferred spot for staples such as fur-trimmed coats, bathing suits, and cashmere sweaters, while Nordstrom was the best place for multiple shoe purchases. (Really, those poor salespeople worked on commission - it would have been a sin to make them run into the back for only one pair!) Neiman Marcus was my absolute favorite place for ridiculous designer splurge items - jewelry, purses, and sunglasses. Plus Neiman's made it so damn difficult to buy anything - they wouldn't take Visa or Mastercard; basically they'd only accept cash, Krugerrand, and black diamond truffles - walking out of there with my shiny silver carrier bag always felt like a bit of a victory.

My shopping habit was so all-encompassing that I had to construct a list of rules so friends could better understand the process. But rather than sending them down from a couple of heavy tablets on Mount Sinai3 I simply emailed them.

The Jen Commandments of Shopping

Thou shall not buy on sale. Because sale? Is another word for shit not good enough to be purchased full price.

There's no such thing as too many twin-sets. And you shall not rest until you have them in Every. Single. Color. (Except orange, because, you know, ick.)

Remember the three most important things when buying shoes: Italian, Italian, and Italian.

Life is too short to wear synthetic. Our Heavenly Father would not have placed all those goats in the hills of Kashmir4 if He wanted you to put on something fashioned from a recycled Mountain Dew bottle.

Salespeople are there to carry the heavy stuff for you. So let them. See also: Cold Beverages, Running to fetch.

Coupons are for amateurs. What good is a four hundred dollar sweater if you can't tell people you paid four hundred dollars for it? See also: Commandment, First.

"Outlets" are for plugs and creative expression, not malls. Is style so trivial to you that you're wiling to purchase your clothes at a store situated between the place where they sell the deformed Goldfish crackers and designer impostor perfumes? I think not.

Only shop in stores that have a philosophy. Hell, yes, you should pay 10% for a store with a philosophy. (Even if that philosophy is, "Let's sucker our customers into paying 10% more.")

The harder to pay, the better it is. Self-explanatory. See also: Marcus, Neiman.

People who say "less is more" are simply jealous. More is ALWAYS more. This is precisely the reason people go ga-ga over twins and litters of puppies and why a matched set of Kate Spade luggage is so much better than a single piece.

Even though I treasured almost every item sold in each of the Holy Trinity's bountiful departments, the merchandise wasn't the only draw. I loved the service and the personal attention. Nothing made me happier than when my girl Basha at Nordstrom's Dior counter called me to tell me about a new line of body shimmer. It made me feel like she had ESP; how did she know that very morning I'd looked at myself in the mirror and thought Yes, you glow, but are you luminous enough?

No matter how chaotic Michigan Ave was, I knew I could enter the pricey enclaves of my favorite places and it would be calm, cool, and quiet. Clerks would speak in hushed tones - almost reverent - and would wrap my pair of Capri pants and Lacoste shirt with the same care they would use to package Waterford crystal for shipping. There would be few other shoppers around, and we'd rarely interact because we were all too involved with our own expeditions.

My little boyfriend who worked the David Yurman counter would squeal whenever he saw me pass, sibilantly exclaiming, "Ooh! What are we treating ourssselvesss with today?" and before I could say "nothing, thanks" he'd be waving a black velvet-covered platter full of sssparkly thingsss at me. And it would have been rude not to try - and purchassse - at leassst one of them, right?

Obviously, I don't live my life like this any more (a) because I can't and (b) because I like to think I have some small capacity for "learning." I'll be honest - I still dig buying stuff, but that's mostly because at the nadir of our unemployment, purchasing anything other than dog food and toilet paper was a luxury. I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA.

Customer Reviews

Self Confident Crosses Over into Self Absorbed and Jerky
I really wanted to love this book, for many reasons. First, Jen survived as a female in the high stakes dot com era, which wasn't easy to do. She thrived and took charge - and traits that men would call "courageous" and "ready for action" in other men, they would call "bitchy" and "conceited" in women. It's one of the unfair aspects of men and women, and I am very eager to support women who do the best they can in those situations.

Second, Jen is overweight and is attempting to be comfortable with that in a world of stick-thin models and 24/7 press hammering us to be beautiful. Again, it is very hard in our modern society to even try to accept yourself if you're overweight, and I give great kudos to Jen for giving it her best shot.

Also, it is always REALLY scary to write your life story and put it out there. If someone criticizes Eragon, heck, it's just a fiction story. The writer might be a little upset. But if you criticize a memoir, you are now putting down an author's *way of life*. Since few of us can claim to live a perfect life, how can a reader possibly say someone else's way of life is "awful"? We are all trying to do our best with the world we live in. So I give Jen a lot of credit for having the nerve to lay her life on the table for public perusal.

Now, that all being said, I offer my impressions of the book with those caveats in mind. Jen was perhaps shaped by her dot-com environment to be snappy and judgmental. Maybe it's the only way she could survive. But you can only judge the book presented to you - you can't try to second guess the author's motives or background or reasons. And while I find her *writing style* to be great, full of snappy humor and well chosen words - I find her *willingness to harm others* to be very upsetting. This is the type of character, in a fiction novel, who bothers the heroine until the point that the heroine snaps, punches her in the face, and everyone applauds. To have this person out in real life behaving like this - and to have in essence a self-congratulatory book praising herself for her behavior - bothers me.

I gave a lot of thought to my reaction. After all, I used to watch All in the Family when I was growing up. Archie Bunker was very much like Jen - only cared about himself, actively hurt others as a daily way of life, and didn't care at all. His actions would explicitly cause others either emotional pain and trouble in their jobs. Jen is the exact same way. Why did I enjoy All in the Family, but get bothered by Jen?

After several hours of thought, it came down to the All in the Family atmosphere clearly being a satire. That was a fake situation explicitly made to show why that behavior was harmful, to hopefully help those who were like Archie to take a look at what they were doing and to stop doing it.

In comparison, Jen seems to be wanting to build a club of Jen wanna-bes, people who were just as pleased to make snarky comments to people *right in their face*. Jen went out of her way to hurt people who had physical or ethnic issues that were completely out of their control. It upsets me a lot that a movement of "hurting people" is thought of as fun. With all the conflict we have in the world, we should be trying to understand and help each other - not thinking up better and better zingers to damage each other's self esteem. What kind of a way is that to live?

Just off the top of my head, Jen lies to her employers. She is randomly deceptive for her own amusement. She actively works to harm her husband's chances at work. This isn't just once - but MULTIPLE times. She complains about how tight money is - but rather than help her husband, she BOTHERS HIM while he is working with immature, petulant whining! Her husband must have the patience of a saint, because if my husband started behaving the way Jen does, we would either be talking to some sort of a couples therapist or splitting up. Her behavior goes far beyond "cutely eccentric" and deep into the realm of "daily torture".

As much as she claims she is comfortable with her weight while she gorges on sweets, as soon as it comes to a real test like being in public, she is suddenly signing up with an Exercise Nazi and trying to kill herself so she can be "better looking" in public. I would have given her far more credit if after all her bitchy talk she did actually go out and "be herself" and be proud of it. if you're going to talk the talk (and a super-nasty talk at that) you better be able to walk the walk.

The book is full of many poor messages like this, wrapped in a fine silk of fun writing and comedic timing. I read a lot of books every month - but with the thousands of educational and inspirational new books that are out there, I would much rather read one that had an encouraging message, rather than one as discouraging as this one is.

So FUNNY it makes being bad look good!
Jen takes on temp jobs while waiting for her advance check from selling her first book. To fill the extra hours, she has written a hilarious memoir about her ordinary life experiences. Cross her and you may be the lucky recipient of one of her crafty letters that you wouldn't believe someone would have the nerve to write. (And what a great tool for releasing anger) If your one of her stay at home friends, you may be on the recieving end of funny daily scoops that rival a soap opera drama, and much more interesting by far. -The thing is you never read any e-mails from them, so their lives must be dreadfully boring in comparison.

I've never had a book make me laugh out loud (even in public) like this one did! This girl has lightning quick wit and humor. Actually, reading this made me feel a little more sane. (Thanks Jen:) I thought I had an overactive mind, she's definately got me beat, and her thoughts are way funnier than mine could ever be! Her behavior and mouth are so excusable because she's just hilarious. She really does make being bad look good.

This is a keeper. When I'm feeling low and needing a good laugh, I'll be reaching for this. Reading this will make passing the time (in line or Dr's office or anywhere) much more pleasant. Just know that it is very likely to make you bust out laughing in front of everyone!

Yo! Jen, dude? What happened?!?!?
After reading her first book, I was her number one fan. I hooted and hollered the whole way through, and couldn't wait for her sophomore book to be released. (But I did, not that impatient...) It's painful to get through it because I'm one of those people that absolutely MUST finish anything I start, and chapter after chapter I keep saying to myself, it's gonna get better... it doesn't.... I feel like I am reading a reality show! Sorely disappointed!