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Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide
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Product Description
Choosing Single Motherhood is the first comprehensive resource book available for women who have chosen, or are thinking of choosing, single motherhood. Based on extensive research, advice from child experts and family therapists, and conversations with more than one hundred "thinkers" and single mothers, this book funnels twenty-five years of hindsight into up-to-date insight on all aspects of the Choice Motherhood movement.
From how to answer a child's "daddy" questions to the pros and cons of using a known donor to how the children of pioneering Choice Moms feel about the lifestyle, this book is the one resource needed by every woman who makes this decision.
Every year thousands of professional, unmarried women debate whether to have a child; this book gives them the tools to make and responsibly execute that decision.
Product Details
- Amazon Sales Rank: #461611 in Books
- Published on: 2006-04-01
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Binding: Paperback
- 363 pages
Editorial Reviews
About the Author
Mikki Morrissette is the Choice Mother of two, and a former editor and writer for Time Inc. and The New York Times. She coined the term "Choice Mom" to define the estimated 50,000 single women who proactively decide each year to become mothers. She lives in Minneapolis, MN.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Shortly after I became pregnant I started to freak out about whether I would actually like being a mother. Maybe I’d been foolish to think it was the logical next step of my life . . . maybe I was supposed to stay solo, traveling and writing and having experiences as a lone wanderer in the universe. Wouldn’t my life stop if I was locked inside four walls changing diapers and, ohmigod, actually preparing three meals a day, and helping someone else turn into a person who had experiences? Bump.
After my daughter was born, in that first year of often lonesome, scary motherhood I discovered many moments of sadness that I wasn’t sharing her development, and mine, with someone else. My local friends were single and childless, with no real interest in being part of my motherhood journey. My family was literally a thousand miles away. I didn’t have a childhood dream of “husband, wife, and kids” to grieve, but I found myself grieving something I couldn’t even define. Bump.
After three months of unpaid leave, I was ready to return to my well-paid job — only to learn that I was being “eliminated.” CRASH!
Talk about a rude awakening to the realities of life. In hindsight, I’m happy I was oblivious beforehand to how much my life would change. After talking to more than 100 women about their struggles in reaching this decision — and their struggles after — I understand how lucky I was to avoid many of the typical concerns before Sophie was born. Although I had no regrets about being a Choice Mom, my hard-won lessons about the bumps in the road made it more difficult to make a decision the second time. It took about two years of inner debate before I chose Choice Motherhood again, and Dylan was born.
Today’s Choice Mothers feel less stigma about their decision than did pioneers of the 1980s. But that doesn’t mean it’s an easy choice. Women today tend to focus less on whether having a child will be seen as “legitimate” for her and the child, and more on whether the decision itself is a legitimate one: Will I have the strength and energy to be a good mother? Do I have the financial, emotional, and support resources to pull it off? Should I wait a little longer to see if life turns a new corner? If you’re struggling with some of the typical “Should I?” conflicts, the next four chapters have been written to help you through.
“Am I Single-Mom Material?” looks at some of the most common reasons women hesitate as they contemplate this choice.
“Can I Afford It?” explores the number one issue of concern, finances, based on results of an informal survey I did in 2003.
“Grieving the Childhood Dream” includes personal stories of women who came to this decision reluctantly, having dreamed for years of raising children with a lifetime partner.
“Will My Community Accept Us?” examines the disapproval women have faced from family, friends, and other members of their local network. It also revisits the national conversation Vice President Dan Quayle launched in 1992 about Choice Motherhood when he decried the TV show Murphy Brown for mocking the importance of fathers.
NOTE: These are very common concerns. While the material here is ultimately reassuring — so many women have addressed them and gone on to Choice Motherhood — there are many more women who have chosen not to become a single mother because of these questions. Listen closely to yourself.
Customer Reviews
A view from the UK
The author of this extensively researched book is the mother of two children conceived by known donor insemination. The first part of the book explores issues relevant to women who are making the decision about whether to pursue single motherhood. This includes assessing motivation, financial implications, grieving the childhood dream of raising children within a loving realtionship, community reactions and the impact on a child of growing up without a father.
The next section covers chssoing the method, including adoption and donor insemination. The section entitled day to day parenting includes coping with stress, the importance of a support system, a discussion on talking with children and others about their conception, and confronting identity issues. It is helpful that some accounts of difficult experiences are included, including a moving account from a mother of two children with special needs. There is information about policies around the world, including the removal of donor anonymity in the UK.
Of great interest to me (as the mother of a seven year old), was the chapter which includes interviews with young adults and teenagers raised by Choice Moms, as the author refers to them. This was a small sample consisting only of those who were willing to share their thoughts, but most of them were well adjusted and reported healthy and nurturing relationships with their mothers. There is an extensive list of website addresses and other resources. This book is a useful addition to the literature available for single women considering parenthood, as well as those who already have children.
Finally...Expert Advice on the Tough Realities of Choice Motherhood
Speaking as someone who has already accomplished choice motherhood, the best part of this book is the expert advice addressing what the tough issues are and ways to solve them.
Raising a boy as a single mother isn't easy. There are obvious and (as I learned from the book) not so obvious reasons why children need both same- and opposite-sex role models. I really had never considered that rough-housing could be a teaching mechanism rather than just a testosterone-laden way of bonding! Mikki has included research from many different child experts and provides a concise synopsis of ways to lessen the effects of the tough realities that we can't avoid.
This book is a must-read and has a place of honor on my reference shelf.
Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide
This book, in my opinion, is a good reference for every woman considering single motherhood. Mikki Morrissette, makes it a point to bring examples from real life when writing about issues such as becoming pregnant by a donor sperm or adopting a child.
I found the book helpful in not only as a guide for all options of single motherhood but also as a thought tool to the many issues that single motherhood's entails.
