Product Description

If you know a child or teen who has experienced a death, this guidebook presents you with simple and practical suggestions for how to support him or her. Learn what behaviors and reactions to expect from children at different ages, ways to create safe outlets for children to express their thoughts and feelings and how to be supportive during special events such as the memorial service, anniversaries and holidays.

Product Details

• Amazon Sales Rank: #33372 in Books
• Published on: 1999-10-25
• Number of items: 1
• Binding: Paperback
• 55 pages

About the Author
Since 1983, The Dougy Center for Grieving Children & Families has provided loving support in a safe place where children, teens and their families grieving a death can share their experiences as they move through their healing process. Based in Portland, Oregon, The Dougy Center works regionally, nationally and internationally to provide support and training to individuals and organizations seeking to assist children in grief.

The Dougy Center is supported solely through private support from individuals, foundations and companies, and receives no state or federal funding. The Dougy Center does not charge a fee for its services.

Excerpted from 35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child by Dougy Center Staff, The Dougy Center for Grieving Child. Copyright © 1999. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Listen.

After a death, many children want to share their story. They may want to tell you what happened, where they were when they were told about the death, and what it was like for them. Telling their story is a healing experience. One of the best ways adults can help young grievers is to listen to their stories.

As adults, we're often too quick to offer advice, give opinions and make judgments. We think we know what's best for our children, and we want to make sure they get the right information. But while we're busy talking, sometimes we miss important messages from children about what they need and how we can best help them.

Suggestions for being a good listener:

Don't give advice or make judgments.

Reflect back what the child said using the child's words.

Paraphrase the child's words.

Ask clarifying questions.

Here's an example of a child's statement and adult responses using the above suggestions:

Child- "My daddy died in a plane crash. At first, I was sad. But then I was so angry when I found out they let him fly when it was a storm. I yelled at the guy from the airline. I hate him."

Don't:

Give advice or make judgments:

Adult- "Hate is a very strong word. You probably don't hate him. You're mad now, but you'll get over it. It's a horrible thing that happened.

Do: Reflect back what the child said using the child's words:

Adult- "So your dad died in a plane crash. You felt sad at first, but then you were angry because they let him fly when the weather was stormy. So you yelled at the guy at the airline, and you feel that you hate him."

Paraphrase the child's words:

Adult- "It sounds like you felt many different feelings after your dad died. Sad feelings. Mad feelings and feelings of hate."

Ask clarifying questions:

"So what was it like when you felt all those different feelings?"

"So what kinds of things do you do when you feel sad? Or angry?"

Customer Reviews

Disappointing
I expected much more from the Dougy Center, which is the leading organization for grieving children in this country. This book disappoints. There are much better books out there for anyone interested in helping grieving children.

Light touch on a deep subject
While the individual tips are certainly valid and helpful, an overall organizing principle to group tips might increase the effectiveness of the book. The brevity of tips makes the content accessible, but does not provide much depth topic by topic. In addition, the very compelling illustrations that are included in the book are not tied into the text they accompany. More insight into the background or intent of the drawings would be valuable (while preserving confidentiality of course).

Well Done
Congratulations to the Dougy Center Staff for creating this book. It is a much needed resource.
I also purchased After the Tears, A Gentle Guide to Help Children Understand Death (video)
The two are awesome resources for children.
Keep up the good work.